Motherhood Uncensored

This is what happens when your husband sends you away for 2 days to visit your BFF

Look familiar?

50 Shades of Toy Story

(click for more photos)

The Vercrotche Mansion

The "V" at this party wasn't for Versace

Happy V-Day to me! 

{P.S. Thanks to @LOD for coining "Vercrotche." You're going places, Doug. Heh}

{P.P.S. Yes, it really is the 7th anniversary of my 29th birthday today}

What happens in Austin stays in Austin. Unless you were at a dad blogger conference.

This weekend at Dad 2.0 Summit I saw a lot of dudes.

A lot.

I survived conversations about the undercarriage (aka Gootch - who knew?), balls (holy ball talk, y'all), and dolphin penis.

I listened to Her Bad Mother analyze the accuracy of Vaginaraptor over Vaginasaurus Rex.

I saw dudes cry and laugh and ride a mechanical bull (but not at the same time).

I ate large amounts of barbeque and guacamole (at the same time).

And I was called "tall."

A lot.

The only fights over swag were planned ones thanks to the folks at Kinect 360 and the Pixar Rush battle in which I lost miserably. 

The only douche was the weather. Though Dave Taylor put up a tough fight.

I squeezed some of my most favorite people in the whole entire world. {Insert links to lots of awesome mom and dad bloggers here}.

And squeezed some new ones too. {Insert links to lots more awesome mom and dad bloggers here}.

But all good, ridiculously late kinda drunken nights wandering around Austin in the rain at 3am must come to an end and I arrived home to a clean house, a bunch of crazy children, and a husband who clearly wanted to get laid because he sent me this:

I mean, if that isn't foreplay then God help me I don't know what is.

 

Snooki is Pregnant. Meatball power!

When I heard the news that Snooki of Jersey Shore fame was pregnant, I was hoping it was just tabloid gossip. That the pooch in her too-short-too-tight ensemble was from too many soft pretzels and bottles of Boone's Farm.

And maybe it is, since her rep is refusing to comment.

{Seriously, she has a rep? What a weird world we live in}

This is hardly justfiable news, especially when we're in the middle of an important election year, the unemployment rate is sky rocketing, and American Idol just announced their 13 finalists.

Heh.

But she's not launching a cement-based hairspray, hangover cure, or fashion line (though I'm sure that's in the works).

She's having a baby.

Which means all the jokes and ridicule and judgment that are already made about her will now involve a child.

Now, I'm not going to say it's ripe for the picking. I've already doled out a couple of zingers myself.

But here's one thing I know for sure: Motherhood changes you.

That doesn't mean it necessarily makes you a better person.

Sometimes it's just stretch marks and wider hips. I mean, an asshole is an asshole, whether she's got a baby in a sling or not.

But there are plenty of times when having a baby turns your world so completely upside down that you have no other choice than to be awesome.

It happened to my dearest childhood friend, who became a mom at a young age, under difficult and painful circumstances during a scarily tumultuous time in her life.

But she powered through, enraptured by her amazing daughter, now a teenager, and she's quite possibly one of the best moms I know.

Her daughter is pretty damn cool too.

So I'm going to hesitate just a bit before I completely write Snooki and her actual baby bump off.

But that doesn't mean I'm stockpiling baby spray tan and Ed Hardy onesie jokes just in case.

10 reasons I'm pretty sure that I'm Canadian

Yesterday I accidentally spelled "behavior" with a "u" but then realized that maybe it wasn't an accident. Maybe I'm actually Canadian and I don't know it.

And after thinking about it for a few minutes, here's why I'm now slightly convinced that I'm really Canadian.

10. I totally run races in kilometers.

9. I always get surprised at the doctor when they make me pay.

8. I put maple syrup on my pancakes. And french toast.

7. Ketchup on fries is like so 2011.

6. I never get a hangover after I drink a Molson.

5. I know that curling is a pretend sport.

4. I am well-versed in famous Canadian landmarks, like Ryan Reynolds' abs.

3. I like bacon that looks like ham.

2. I know the first 2 words to "O Canada."

1. I love my beaver.

{photo via}