Motherhood Uncensored

Guilty As Charged

There's nothing like religion and motherhood to make even the most innocent person feel totally guilty. Coincidence? I wonder.

That's why I decided to stop attending church during college. The rules of my religion said "no sex before marriage" and that just wasn't for me.

And I didn't want to feel guilty.

Then when my kids came along, there was always a "right way" to do things. The books try to tell you there isn't -- they try to give us options, but we all know the pressure to be "right" when it comes to mothering.

If you can't breastfeed your kids, you're doing them a disservice by compromising their immune system and not giving them the "best" start. If you put your kid down, then you're not attaching yourself to them. And if you pick them up all the time, then you're spoiling them. If you use a leash then you're cruel and lazy, and if you don't and your kids run around like lunatics, you're not a responsible mother. If you are a stay-at-home-mom, then you're taking a step back for feminism. And if you're a work-out-of-home-mom, you're allowing someone else to raise raise your kids.

We read studies, articles, and books (oh those books) that tell us the way it should work. But that's only if you have that type of kid. And even then, it just might not work because you might not be that type of parent even if they are that type of kid. And in our confusion, frustration, and sleep deprivation, we can't separate out what's right and what's right for us.

There's too many variables for there to be one "right." My right, isn't your right, right? So why am I being held to YOUR standard?

Why do we hold ourselves to other peoples' standards? And why do people hold us their standards?

That's why drives our guilt, isn't it? If we were all just able to find our own right and live it with full abandon and disregard for what "so-and-so" says we should be doing, wouldn't we all be just a bit happier?

And they wonder why we're all running around in sweatsuits, pony tails, and mismatched socks.

I'm talking about this tonight with Jodi, who happily enjoys working part-time (and feels not one bit of guilt about it), but does feel guilty about not breastfeeding her son. And joining us later will be Devra Renner and Aviva Pflock (the best last name ever!), authors of Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Children. We'll be discussing how to take our guilt by the reins and channel it into something good. Like hot sex.

You can listen live from 9-10pm EST and feel free to call in (646) 915-8634, leave a comment here, or drop me an email -- especially if you've got a question or comment for the guests. And make sure to subscribe to my feed and listen via iTunes so you won't miss anything!

--

Speaking of podcasts, you can hear a cool, fancy, and edited masterpiece of an interview (not me, really, just my interviewer) with Crankmama. It's fun being on the "other" side of the mic.

Because It's My Horse and I Can Beat it to Death if I Want

*Updates. More guests!

We've all got opinions about everyone else's business. We leave our comments here, there, and everywhere. But then that person says "Hey. Put your money where your mouth is and talk to me about this on my radio show."

So, I dare you. I triple dog dare you.

Tonight I'll be talking with Rebecca (of Girls Gone Child and Straight from the Bottle) and Romi, Co-creators of True Mom Confessions (and a soon to be radio show) about their site and how it impacts the blogopshere, particularly for folks who don't feel comfy letting it all hang out on their own blog. With lots of places for moms to share their secrets, maybe we can just write happy, pretty stuff on our own blogs and save our asses in the long run.

Ha. Yeah right.

Later in the show, special guests Lara, Meg, and hopefully you will be discussion blog anonymity or lack thereof  as well as what we should or should not be writing on our blog from 9-10pm EST.

(646) 915-8634

Listen via iTunes (Motherhood Uncensored) or via the media player in my right sidebar while you twiddle your thumbs and watch American Idol. Feel free to email questions or leave comments here.

*The May 1 Show will feature Devra Renner and Aviva Pflock, authors of Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids. If you'd like to join me for the first half of the show, particularly if you've had trouble with mommy guilt, please comment or email me.

*Where are my Orlando bloggers at? Email me.

Stick Him With Your Best Shot

*If you missed the show, you can listen to it by clicking the media player in my right side bar. Enjoy!*

It has come to the time in my child's life where I must take him to the pediatrician and explain why I won't be enjoying the shot festival that comes at the 2-month well baby visit. I think I'd rather eat poop soup than go through the long winded explanation of why I've decided to hold off for a few months (er, years on a few of them) on the plethora of vaccinations our children undergo before they hit the ripe old age of two.

Go ahead. Accuse me of increasing the possibility of the next Diptheria outbreak in the suburbs of Philadelphia.

Even before my daughter was born, I did extensive research on vaccinations, namely because I had worked with children with autism, many of whose parents believed strongly against the MMR vaccination. I know there's no scientific link, however, the scores of parents weeping during my music therapy sessions, convinced that their children were fine prior to the MMR vaccination was worth more than a few research studies.

Yes. I'm a bleeding heart. And I believe in the subjectivity of the human experience that may not be captured in a research study.

Also, my husband's grandparents were convinced that their daughter (his aunt) was perfectly fine prior to getting the old DPT shot. She lived to the age of 12 with severe mental retardation.

And so, I was scared. I know that the DPT is now the DTaP. Big difference. I know that the benefits clearly outweigh the risks. I know that you can delay vaccinations and split them up. But I was a new mother, not so much fearful of having my daughter stuck with a needle, but more so the reactions her already seemingly messed up system was going to have.

And I refused them all.

Now with another child and a different outlook on medicine, I'm clearly in a different place. Trying to avoid feeling terribly guilty for perhaps not making the best parenting decision, I do plan on vaccinating my daughter with the shots I think are necessary at her next few well visits -- same with my son. I think. But I still feel as though I can never get an honest, straightforward, unbiased answer from a medical professional. One that doesn't entail eye rolling or judgment on their part when I ask for the MMR to be split up. Or when I ask which shots are totally necessary, unlike the useless Varicella.

I refuse to believe that I just have to bring my child into the peds office, hand them over, and look the other way. I choose to be informed, active, and involved. And if I have differing opinions, then I prefer to discuss them with someone who respects me, my voice, and my role as parent.

So this afternoon, I'll be speaking with blogger Allison and Dr. Jennifer Trachtenberg, author of Good Kids, Bad Habits. We'll be discussing vaccinations, as well as how to make informed choices regarding your kids' medical care, and lots of other interesting tidbits.

Feel free to leave a question or comment on this post, or call in (646) 915-8634. You can listen live 5-6pm EST via the media player here. Subscribe via iTunes and never miss a show!

I Spill Anything for Celebrities

If you're curious about my son's foreskin, listen to my radio show. I spilled the beans thanks to my new crush.

Yes. Over there in the left hand column.

And then go check out Erika's book -- she rocks hard. Really hard. And I'm not saying that just because she was on The Practice.

Ever Watch Dora With a Buzz?

I'll save all my thoughts on this well-discussed topic for the show tonight. Special Guest - author, blogger, and consummate cocktail mommy, Stefanie Wilder Taylor.

Many of you have emailed me to share your thoughts on the topic. I hope you'll grab a beer, glass of wine, or hell, shot o' tequila, and join us.

9-10 pm EST (646) 915-8634

Listen via the media player or subscribe via iTunes.

And if you want a good fucking laugh, read the comments to this post. SERIOUSLY.