Motherhood Uncensored

Teach Your Children Well

I'm incredibly indebted to you, the amazingly warm blogosphere, for lifting me up and carrying me into another day and not making me feel bad for not wanting to apologize but rather fling my middle finger high in the air towards the direction of Philadelphia (not anywhere near these folks, of course).

I'm happy to report that I have found a babysitter. And the power of pinot grigio and a warm bath. Thank you thank you thank you.

With Quinlan (like many of her bloggy peers) possibly starting germ central preschool next month and a shit-ton of bloggers with kids starting kindergarten, I figured it might be appropo to talk about school from the flip side -- that is, from the mouths of teachers.

I'll be talking about everything from mentally and physically preparing your kids for school, to what teachers would really like parents to know about their job tonight on my radio podcast from 9-10pm EST tonight.

I'm so pleased that Lara David, blogger and high-school teacher turned pre-school teacher extraordinaire, and author and one of my favorite dads and guests Robert Wilder will be joining me to discuss everything you wanted (or didn't want to know) about school plus Robert's new book "Tales from the Teacher's Lounge."

Click here to listen live or if you're able to call in (646) 915-8634, I'd love to hear from you. And please leave a comment or email me a question, and you'll be entered to win a copy of Robert's book.

And if you don't want to miss a show, make sure to subscribe via iTunes (Motherhood Uncensored) and sign up for my podcast feed.

Feelin' Racy?

Click here to hear the show. I apologize for the variance in volume level. Stick with it -- it's well worth it.

Who knew a post about the annoying charming Southern drawl could get so many hot and sexy, yet clearly uncomfortable panties in a wad?

Well, I suppose you are right. There are way more things to pick on the South about, so why not leave the drawl alone and go for the things that are really annoying -- like how gay folks can't adopt children in Mississippi or how many Southern high schools still allow segregated proms.

Yeah. The drawl thing was way funnier.

But it's all quite appropo, since this topic of race, ethnicity, and culture as it relates to blogging has been circling the blogosphere for the last few weeks. The thoughtful posts* have discussed not only the obvious imbalance in numbers between blogs written by folks of color and those written by white-identified folks, but also how the PR/Marketing contingency has overlooked this subset of bloggers.

I'll be speaking with Jason from Daddy in a Strange Land and Rice Daddies, and Glennia from Silent I and Kimchi Mamas about their experiences as bloggers of color, and the issues surrounding their perception of inclusion/exclusion in the blogosphere. I'll also be joined by Kelly from Mocha Momma, who will also be sharing her experiences, most significantly regarding the PR/Marketing debacle.

I'd love to hear your comments and questions as they relate to this topic:

Are you a blogger of color and if so, do you think this affects your readership (who reads you and who you read), as well as other aspects of the blogging community (including PR pitches for fantastic products like blueberry juice and granola bars)? Are you a white-identified blogger and if so, how do you feel about the imbalance of bloggers of minority culture?

Feel free to call in during the live show tonight**: 9-10pm EST (646) 915-8634 and/or download the show via iTunes at any time (Motherhood Uncensored). Get updates by subscribing to my feed. And if you prefer, leave a comment/question here or via email.

*Roxana linked up all the posts, so I'm just linking here. I encourage you to visit and read through the posts. You know, when you have an extra 14,000 minutes. But truly, they are excellent reads.

**It's my first show from the new house. The new house where I have no babysitter or husband, and where the movers will have probably just finished up leaving all my wordly belongings all over my house.

All is Well Until You Screw Them Up

**Edited. Thanks to the bloggers who called in and shared their stories. You can hear the show by clicking on the media player at the top right of my blog. And feel free to continue to share your stories, questions, and comments here.

Congrats to Susanna, Courtney, Malky, Jennifer, Elizabeth, Kristie, Tiffany, Erika, Kivey, & Sara. You'll all be getting copies of this book!

I'm fairly certain that if I can at least make it out of Casa de Inlaws, I have a decent chance of raising a fairly well adjusted child. I know life happens, as does shit, but for the most part, I think I'm a pretty decent parent.

Of course, so did my dad. In fact, he vowed to be a better parent than his father was to him. But then he started drinking and the vow he made got lost in his abusive tendencies.

I always hoped and believed that my father would one day come around and apologize for being so terribly awful. It was the hopeful daughter in me that knew he could never leave things as they were. But that was not the case. I had to put my foot down and finally decide that even if there was an apology or an outstretched hand, it would not be enough to make up for all the years of hurt.

Our business was terribly unfinished. My hopes of a happy ending dashed. And since he died in 1998, I've struggled (some days worse than others) to figure out what the hell happened, and mostly, how to make damn sure it would never ever happen to me and my kids.

I'm not the only generation in my family that has dealt with parental estrangment. My mother doesn't speak to her parents, and thus I don't speak with my grandparents. I respect her decision and clearly she has every reason not to speak with them, however, I often wonder if a resolution would ever be possible, and if, in her case, it might be cultural. 

So, tonight I'll be talking with Karen Rani formerly of Troll Baby now Vodkarella about her own experiences of being "Motherless" or really, parenting without an involved parent of her own. And I'll also be talking with author Dr. Joshua Coleman about his book "When Parents Hurt." He offers compassionate strategies when parents and their grown children don't get along, as well as other helpful tidbits such as learning how you were parenting affects how you parent, learning how to not kill parent your teenager, and a bazillion other things that you'll just have to get the book to find out.

Clearly, this book is not just for parents with troubling relationships, it's for ones who don't want to have one with their kids when they get older. Best to start early not screwing them up, right?

You can listen live from 9-10pm EST, and download later (if you missed it) via iTunes (click that nifty button up there in my right sidebar).

As always, I'd love for you to call in (646) 915-8634 and share your own stories, particularly if you're estranged or in difficult relationships with your own parents. What's it like to be a parent without an active healthy parent yourself? Do you see a relationship between you and your parents in the future? How does this affect your own children? How does the way you were parenting (good, bad, or ugly) affect how you parent your own children?

Can I use the word parent anymore times in a sentence? (ha)

I'll be giving away 10 free copies of Dr. Coleman's book to callers as well as folks who email me a question (or leave a comment -- if more than 10 leave a comment, I'll pick 10 winners at random). If you're looking for some reviews of the book, click here.   

And make sure to check out my exciting podcast special, including an appearance from everyone's favorite sex columnist for parents Live at BlogherCon!

Ducks Are More High Maintenance Than You'd Think

**Sorry for the technical difficulties. The archives should be up and running later on, so you can try to catch what you missed! See the media player over there -->**

I've got a lawyer, professor, and a queen all prepared to drop their gloves and get down and dirty about the duck tonight. If you still think I should return the duck *cough* Suebob *cough*, or if you got another opinion of what I should do with my duck (be nice, I've already got a few things shoved up my ass, thank you), then call in. I'm giving away a free t-shirt to a lucky random caller.

Plus, I'm just dying to discuss some ridiculous comments that lend themselves to a deeper discussion on parenting ethics. (Honestly, I totally get the returning the duck thing, but not turning because you didn't turn your signal on? C'mon. Live a little!)

Do we really have to practice what we preach? What are our parenting deal breakers? Can our ethics change as we grow as humans? And where to do we draw the line in terms of "following the rules?" 

Listen live from 10-11pm EST and call in (646) 915-8634. You can download past shows via iTunes. Feel free to email me your questions/comments, or leave them here. And if you miss the show, you can listen to the archives or the most recent show by clicking on the media player in my upper right hand sidebar.

Being Good for the Sake of Being Good and Not Because You'll Go to Hell if You Don't

I've got way too much to say about religion and not enough time.

Fear. Comfort. Wars. Peace. Death. Eternal Life. Guilt.

Religion served me well when I had nowhere else to turn. It also made me feel incredibly guilty and angry at times. And it continues to be an issue of great confusion, not only in my life as a person, but in my role as a parent desiring to raise good citizens, caring humans, and empathic people.

And while I understand the role of religion (or at least, its original purpose), I truly believe that spirituality can be achieved without religion. That my life can have meaning without Jesus, Bibles, or anything else.

But by losing religion, I lose a lot of the American culture -- not as a whole but as part of my family, most of whom are greatly tied to the church. And I wonder if my children, while perhaps not missing out on the fire, brimstone, and confessions, might miss out on the community and the goodness of believing in something greater.

So tonight, I welcome guests Julie as well as Dale McGowan, editor of Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion. He'll be joined by contributing author and well-known humanist writer, blogger, and mom Noell Hyman. We'll be discussing various topics, including explaining religious holidays, death and dying, and the notion of being good just for the sake of being good.

You can download via iTunes or listen live here. 9-10pm EST

Call in and join the discussion: (646) 915-8634. Or leave a comment or drop me an email.