I still remember the day I got my very first report card in the first grade and my teacher called them out last name first.
"CHASE, KRISTEN" she yelled.
"CHASE KRISTEN!!!" some idiot in the back of the room screamed, and thus began a new game at recess.
I was devastated with my horrible last name for about a week until the kids figured out another game to play and the silly game played at my expense was yesterday's new.
Turns out Quinlan is getting her own fair share of giggles at the expense of her unique name, as she shared with me the other day as I was opening a box of spoils to add to her pretzel tin collection.
"LOOK AT THESE AMAZING MUGS!" I screeched, hold the pretzel handle and showcasing the beer can shaped ceramic mugs with her name printed in shiny gold letters, ala 1975.
Quinlan barely smiled, which was completely uncharacteristic of her.
"I told the kids in my class that I was named after a pretzel company and some of the boys laughed at me" she sighed, which actually made me laugh out loud.
Not the empathic response I was going for. But seriously, the stuff kids find funny. I mean, pretzels? At least save the giggles for kids named after vaginal creams or something, guys.
Pretzels are awesome. And tasty!
So I told her my own sordid tale, which seemed to lighten the mood, and then reminded her that people laugh when they're uncomfortable or can't seem to find the words or actual emotion they want to express.
"One day, when you're selling those tins for thousands of dollars, you can laugh at how ridiculous they were," I said, rolling the ceramic mugs back up in bubble wrap.
Then I asked her who it was, exactly, and after she told me, I did what every parent would probably do in the same situation:
I showed her a photo I have of him wearing a very lovely pair of Tory Burch flats.
Yeah, who's laughing now, bitches?
oh dear.
could be worse says the girl who was known by her stepfather's name of Butts for 12 years until she discovered that whoopsie, that was never her legal name in the first place...thank goodness!
Years later I agonized over names that could not be made fun of only to learn during their school years that kids can make fun of ANY name. Oh kids!
I love how you handled this.
Posted by: Laura Scarborough | January 17, 2013 at 01:00 AM
My name is Valeta and every once in a while I still hear "Velveeta." Yes, I've been teased about my name by adults.
Posted by: valeta | January 16, 2013 at 07:26 PM
Ha @Julie and Titania. It was for a class historical presentation. In context, it actually worked but it still cracked me up.
Posted by: Motherhood Uncensored | January 15, 2013 at 10:59 PM
Two things:
1. Try having TIT as the first 3 letters of your name.
2. Same question Julie asked below.
Posted by: Titania Jordan | January 15, 2013 at 08:26 PM
That's a kid? Wearing Tory Burch flats? Good gravy, why?
Posted by: Julie Marsh | January 15, 2013 at 10:39 AM
My current name (changed it after I go married) happens to be the same as an adult film star. In this day of Google, job hunting is especially fun. The question is always whether I should not say anything and hope they don't Google me, or should I preemptively warn them that someone out there shares my name (and has better page rank) but is not me.
Posted by: LadyCiani | January 14, 2013 at 05:02 PM
My maiden name is Czech and started with "douche". Junior high was not fun.
Posted by: Jenny, Bloggess | January 14, 2013 at 02:32 PM
My actual legal name is "Abbey" and strangely was tortured by classmates by being called Abigail. Abigail is a lovely name, but it was not MY name and I got all hot and bothered about it for many of those tween years. Even though it made no sense it hurt. Wish I could some how miraculously let my kids skip that, but know it is coming no matter what I named them.
Posted by: abbeyviolet | January 14, 2013 at 02:30 PM
My maiden last name got shortened into very peasant-old-woman name (as nickname) and school kids used it to tease me with it. I hated it. I rebelled against it (not responding). I fought against it (by doing snarky comments back). Nickname did not budge. Followed me into high school and university. But somewhere in university, I realised - there are 1000 of Marias, but only one with my nick name. And embraced it and I turned into cool-retro thing. And I wear it proudly, now.
Posted by: Maria | January 14, 2013 at 10:00 AM
My mom's maiden name is very very Norwegian. She said growing up people used to call her 'Beer Can'
So there ya go. She's not alone.
Posted by: Karen | January 14, 2013 at 09:41 AM