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September 10, 2012

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Why people still use to read news papers when in this technological world everything is accessible on web?

That's the kind of image that i really thing is super image like. If more images very real like this were out there we'd be super full of graet images in the world.

I love this and try to remember it more now than ever: "The energy you're using to bash other parenting choices, well, why not use that to make your parenting better for your own kids."

Ok...yes this new age "calm, love and logic" approach to parenting is efficient and it serves well to role model good parenting to pass on to our future generations. I agree with this more then I do with kid leashes and spankings ...and as a mother of three and a psychologist I know that there are certainly boundaries but where does the line of bad behavior vs biology get drawn...when do you say, enough bullshit. I see way to many snotty ass kids that have terrible work ethics, smart ass mouths and not enough discipline. Sure timeouts are useful, but who says a swift swat on the ass is abuse? Im not talking welts, bruising, or broken skin, but a pink butt will not demolish a kids self esteem...it doesn't fucking tickle, but that's the god damn point.
I certainly think its not the kids fault, it's the yuppie fucking idiot parents who think there kids are something next to a higher power or royalty. And don't take this as a green light to debate, look at the nature of animals (like it or not, we are a species which classifies us as an animal as well...and to spout of about being the smartest species out there and all this evolution bullshit, jus take a look at us big people around the world and watch the evening news) .....a mother bear, wolf, cat, dog, whatever does not put their offspring Ina fucking time out.
Now before I get accused of condoning violence or being a child abuser, let me inform you that I rarely spank but when I do, behaviors are almost never repeated. I would rather have a repectful, good listening, well rounded child then getting my ass kicked by my teenager. Now this does not work for every child, there are many variations and situations but don't allow your self to puke over a flipping spanking, worry about real issues such as bullying, hazing, and world hunger before getting your panties in a wad or a swat on the ass.

I'm a mother of two myself, and I have been read up on positive parenting, appreciation parenting. It is natural for my husband and I to not think of our young children's perspective, but I am very determined to change this years back. So everytime my adrenalin rush starts, I take a deep breath and ask them questions. Often, I hear that they have very valid reasons or rationale for their actions, and this comforts me alot.

Good post, and a good reminder to my parenthood direction.

Such a great post. For me, a lot of my impatience and failure to examine thoroughly is my own anxiety. I need to get shit done and I don't have one second to slow down and hear. It's internal pressure that comes only from my own self.

I've also started asking, 'What do you need/want right now?' or pausing and saying/doing nothing for a moment or two after a correction. Sometimes just those things can reroute the freak-out tantrum (hers) and incredible frustration (mine.)And if they don't, I'm doing my best to just stand by and wait it out without really responding. When she's done, I ask, "Do you feel better?" and she nods and we hug. It's not everything but it's not nothing, either.
xo

I have no idea why you would get so riled up about soda in a baby bottle. Heh.
It used to take almost everything I had to say politely, "No, I would not like SPRITE in my kids bottle." after saying no to the juice and soda offered at some restaurants. Because milk is so crazy?!

I started exercising more and taking issue with others decisions less in the last year and I'm thinner, happier and I talk a whole lot less. :)

Love this, love this so much and thank you because like you I am starting to re-think some of my opinions and views as I better understand my own kids foibles. As for Drew, well, he is my favorite always since I possess his some of his art...school! He is in school now and wearing long pants, weather permitting.

Tonight, as my 4-year-old was gearing up for epic tantrum over brushing his teeth, instead of going down the normal road that usually has all of us pulling our hair out, we paused, remembered to ask him what he needed (in an effort to move from telling him what *NOT* to do, and giving him options for things TO do). Did he need a hug, or time to calm down? He said he needed "Spot and Spot's mommy" (his two comfort loveys). He said they would help him calm down. So, we let him go get them down stairs, and said let us know when you've calmed down and are ready to brush your teeth. 3-4 minutes later, perfectly calm little boy comes out and says he's ready. And everything went smoothly from there on...I'm still in shock. I think the "What do you need?" question will be our new approach.

My daughter is now 17 and I still find I have to pause and try and see things from her perspective before I give my final answer. It never gets easier and there are a whole lot of idiot parents out there who let their kids do whatever they want and it makes it hard for the parents who actually give a damn.

I went through this change in thinking when my children were young. I believe it was prompted by the book "Kids Are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso. It changed me as a person, not only as a mother.

Drew and my son would be buds, I know. He has the same tendencies. A friend of mine said, "He's kind of like a little cave man, 'feelings! Ugh ugh ugh.'" He just does't know what to do with them and how to express them in a way that doesn't explode. In Target.

When he was three, after a particularly spectacular throw down in said Target, I was trying to get him to calm down and a woman walked by. I caught her eye and looked at her apologetically. She said, "Oh honey, I've been there. I throw no stones."

That simple sentence has stayed with me and whenever I see someone struggling, or doing something I don't necessarily agree with, her words pop into my head.

We started using 1-2-3 Magic last year and it works...sometimes. I get so caught up in the "because I'm the parent so you do what I say when I say it" mentality that it takes every ounce of patience I have to stop and see what the trigger or underlying issue is and calmly get us both back to our happy place. Also, with regards to other parenting choices, one thing I am reminded of almost every day is that there are always two sides to every story. Many times I need to wait and see the complete picture before I can form an educated opinion. Except soda in baby bottles. Sorry. I don't see an other side to that. :)

This being rational and reasonable is sooo not the Internet-age. Way to go old-school.

Isn't it terrible that I wish you had an image so I could pin your wisdom on pinterest? Not sure if that makes me lazy or ... not sure what that alternative is -- just figured since this is a "crazy parents might not really be crazy for no reason," this would be the best time I could share this :D (Annnnd you know my solution is to find some other image, probably of a rainbow of people holding hands, and linking it to this post, if that's okay :D)

I've been working very hard to pause before reacting to something my girls do. This reminder to give them an opportunity to speak is so important. I have been guilty of steamrolling and really leaving no room for anything but my frustration and their defeat.

This is so hard, but I'll be damned if every time I make the effort it doesn't pay off with some huge lesson.

Pass a little thanks on to Drew for helping us all learn to cope a little better.

So true. I've likewise mellowed where it comes to what other parents do, but I also need to take the time to ask my kids why they don't/won't/can't do what I've asked, instead of merely insisting.

Another good reason to give people the benefit of the doubt; do you really think you are going to stop them from doing whatever the parenting thing it is they are doing? (abuse excepted, that you should stop if you see it and rail against in general) Asking them (or your kids) what went into their choices doesn't mean you are agreeing with them, you are just saying, I am trying to understand FIRST, then I will judge.

Okay, the last line of your post, kinda just blew my mind.

As a mom of two, with one on the way, I am constantly being reminded by my oldest to "Just listen Mom, could you just stop freaking out and LISTEN!". Apparently 9 year olds are smart. She gets the raw end of the mom deal since she's contending with a high-energy toddler and my swollen cankles. Instead of spending too much of my energy privately judging the mom next door who is non-stop screaming at her kids, maybe I should take a minute to actually listen to my own spawn.

Thank you for the cyber-time-out. I needed that.

Great post and something I should read every month or so to remind myself of its importance. I'll also add: I remember when I was nursing (or trying to nurse) my oldest, my milk never really came in and I was miserable. I was working with a lactation specialist who finally told me to pump and also supplement with formula so that I wouldn't just quit in frustration. (this was after 8 weeks of my baby screaming in frustration and hunger while nursing) You should've seen the looks at the lactation support meeting when, after Belly nursed and was rooting around for more (that would never come), I pulled out a bottle. I might as well have pulled out a shotgun. Thank goodness the leader spoke up in support of me b/c I was ready to crawl out of that room.

And then there was my SIL who gave birth to a baby while getting chemo after a double mastectomy. I knew that if anyone gave her a dirty look for bottle feeding that beautiful baby, she would've been happy to take them on and explain her circumstances. You just never know what the whole story is.

(BTW, Drew sounds so much like my D! Whenever we tell him to do something and he disagrees, he goes to his room and falls face first on his bed in despair!)

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