On overcoming fears and childhood anxiety

Since the great Vacation Bible School thunderstorm trauma of 2011, Drew has been afraid of rain. Or really, tornadoes, being electrocuted, and us dying, as I recently learned in his therapy sessions. 

Yes, my husband and I were all excited about Jesus and his free babysitting and now we're paying that back ten-fold in a therapy bill. 

Since last year at exactly this time, his anxiety has increased to the point where it was affecting the other kids. No fun outings to the playground if a tiny gray cloud was in the sky, even with the sun shining so brightly he needed sunscreen. And way too many frantic trips home from the pool due to the remote possibility of lightning. 

And that, combined with the 2am visits and monsters in The closet and "IF I HAVE 6 NIGHTLIGHTS MOMMY I'LL BE ABLE TO SLEEP ALONE," we decided to take him to see a therapist.  

Of course this means we are now dipping into his college-slash-therapy fund, but here's hoping that since he's needing it now, he won't need it later. 

On the bright side, it's an amazing investment, and one that's helping us parent him (and our other kids) in other ways. 

And it's made me realize how freaking anxious I am. Which I sort of knew. But now I really know. 

I shared the entire story about trying to find a therapist for my son and what she's been working with him on over at mom.me. And yes, I realize you pretty much have to give them your social security number to leave a comment there, so feel free to leave one here or drop me an email if you have any questions.

It's amazing how easy it can be to find someone to take care of your kid's weird rash, but when it comes to something equally as common, like childhood anxiety, it's much more challenging. 

Comments

[Beryl]

I don't know if it will help at all with your son, but we have just interviewed Rosemarie Mason, HANDLE Practitioner and Facilitator and this has helped with the neuro-developmental differences all of her children had. Just a suggestion, hope you don't mind. My heart goes out to you.

[Lauren]

My daughter has sensory issues with her clothing mostly and most people laugh it off when I try to explain her issues wearing certain clothes. Even writing it down seems silly. However, to her, she can't wear underwear, shorts, pants, or socks, among other things. And she hates being that way. I finally told her we were going to an occupational therapist and she was SO EXCITED. Just like Drew and "the weather lady," my daughter was thrilled to go to the "Doodient Doctor" (I'm guessing Doodient = wedgie or something similar) and it broke my heart when she gathered all the clothing items in which the seams and wrinkles give her problems for the OT to help get rid of. We do exercises at home and she seems to be getting better! Good luck with Drew. It's so sad to see children suffer, especially when they realize they are different and don't want to be that way.

[Durante]

I think that most children could benefit from a therapist. Most adults too! My son has adopted an anxiety after the divorce... perhaps a 'baby whisperer' would be of great use too.

[Motherhooduncensored]

Lorinda -

My boy is the 2nd of 4 as well -- it's helped so much already! I wish you well with your journey too!

[Lorinda]

I loved the post. It's pushing me to get therapy for my seven year old. He is the second of four and is the most needy child due to his need for constant care and help working through every little issue that pops up through his day. He worries about anyone in the family dying to as small as their feelings being hurt. And has full panick attacks where he is so fixated.

It holds up the entire family. We sit with him when we have time or we yell to get some order when we are: driving, walking across a road, in those situations where you can't stop to deal with stuff.

He even worries about his own imagination and that it will be forgotten. Now? How do you deal with that as a parent when everyone's tired and hungry and needing direction? If he is interrupted during his play, he is concerned he will not know where he left off. It is a real issue for him that causes do much anxiety in the family. Often we allow him the time to wrap up his scenario so it feels complete and he can move on. However, this is a tough to maintain the correct timing and care for his thoughts and fears. Right? So hard.

We recently moved to BC and they have a program in Vernon called NONA, a self referring children's development center. It will be covered under the health care program in BC. So, it's a no brainer :). Thanks for this great post! I loved how your son expressed relief, "when will I see the weather lady? I don't want to be afraid of the weather". Love that.

[Jen]

Thank you for sharing and updating about child therapy! It is remarkably difficult to find someone, but they can make a such a difference. I loved your comment about it "helping us parent him..." because, YES, exactly. I have a child with Autism so we have visited various therapists over the years (speech, occupational, psych, etc.) and getting another perspective on one kid has made me a much better parent to the other.

Good luck and I hope everything works out!
Jen

[Issa]

We've done some therapy here. For kid anxiety. It hasn't gotten rid of it, yet it has seriously helped it. It's also helped said child learn new ways to deal with it, which is great.

I hope this works for Drew. Maybe you'll finally get to sleep again. :)

[Amelia Sprout]

I expect we will have to do therapy at some point for M's anxiety. It hasn't become a barrier to anything yet, but I think that it could at some point in the future. Especially when my husband does things like tell her that what the baby is sick with could kill her (it was mild pneumonia that got us a couple of days in the hospital).
Its good to hear that therapy is helpful. I've been looking at finding a good art therapist since having one helped me with my issues as an adult. Its just kid's therapists are so hard to find.

[JP]

Few things are more frustrating than a child's anxiety, not only because it's sad but because you really can't do anything rational to alleviate it--and you have to mask your frustration because the kid is suffering and you can't blame a kid for suffering. Other frustration is that one may not have the kind of child for whom therapy as we understand it will work, and so the question is what can be done to ease the trauma and settle the nervous system down. And it can cost a lot before you realize the therapy is ineffective. One knows children can be amazingly resilient, though, and life is long.

[jodifur]

Michael's in therapy to work on some self control issues. I don't think therapy is ever a bad thing.

[Alyssa S.]

Thank you...THANK you for this and for re-sharing your earlier post from mom.me. Two years ago, our dog died and my daughter (then 4) took it hard. Like in a profound way. She immediately made the connection between "my dog can die and so can I and so can my parents". It culminated months later when something similar to your situation happened. We had a huge lightning and thunderstorm and Amelia got hysterical. In her case, she was able to express her fear right away. She flat out told us she thought lightning was going to hit the house and we'd all die. I struggled over whether to take her for professional help. In the end, since she was so open and willing to discuss what was bothering her, we chose to deal with it on our own. I'm not sure it was a good or bad decision, but two years later, she seems to understand that death is a natural part of life and she's seemed to stop obsessing about dying (her or us). I'm glad you found a good therapist. I know finding good pediatric specialists can be REALLY tough.

[Kris-Ann]

Thank you for writing that brave post. As someone about to embark on the same search for my son (bugs...his fear is bugs) I appreciate your honesty.