Breast is best for baby. But what about mom?

Over the last few days, I've been asked to comment about Mayor Bloomberg's Latch On NYC initiative, which aims to increase the number of breastfeeding mothers in the New York City area. 

I won't go into all the gory details about how I feel about it, because I did so on HLN News Now with Katherine Stone from Postpartum Progress. Unfortunately, that link is a short clip of a lively five-or-so minute conversation we had, but it gives you an idea of how I feel. 

Then they asked me to write an Op-Ed piece in which I got all angry and told Mayor Bloomberg to get his hands out of my bra. 

When I calmed down a little, I figured out what really bothered me about the whole thing. And really, what's always bothered me about this whole Breast is best stuff. 

This coming from a mom of four who breastfed for just over seven years. 

Yes. You can bet I counted. 

I'd love to know your thoughts!  And if you've written about it, like Mom-101 , PhD in Parenting, and Ask Moxie did, leave your link in the comments. I'd love to read it. 

Comments

[dissertation services]

In the end though I only lasted 8 weeks, the pumping meant I hardly got any sleep, my daughter refused to feed on the right side again and all sorts of other issues.

[dissertation services]

This isn't about breast being best or formula being worst. Breast is best when it's best and formula is best when it's best. There is no way to say a is better than b without knowing the circumstances of the situation. Here, though, Bloomberg- in all his childbearing and breastfeeding wisdom- has stepped up and made it so that the one thing that could potentially solve a lot of issues that could dovetail in more issues is that much more inaccessible and stigmatizing.

[Pinay WAHM Blogger]

I agree that mothers should know what's best when it comes to feeding our children. Whether it's through breastfeeding or formula, what comes first is the wellness of our kids. We have to make sure that they get the proper nutrition. My sister and I were brought up with formula and there weren't any complications in our health.

[Sumsum]

I think Breast is Best, but I don't think that means formula is bad. Every woman has a right to feed her kid the way they choose (other than starving them). If you can't or you just don't want to then I don't think you should have to. Sure I think it's awesome to let mothers know the help is there if they want it or to encourage them to try, but if they say no then no.

[Janelle]

Hi Kristen, I don't know if you remember me, but I was a freshman when you were a senior at Etown. I sung next to you in the choir. :) I am currently pumping for my 6 month old. He would not latch properly, and after the help of 7 lactation consultants, he wouldn't latch at all. I am lucky to be able to have a good supply with the pump, but I wonder what it is costing him and my two older children in my time and energy. I am exhausted all the time, in pain most of the time, and rarely happy enough to laugh. Is the breast milk worth that? I would like to keep feeding him the best food possible, but I also would like to hold him without pain, and play with my daughters, and go places. It is a situation with no answer that is clear to me, and so it seems every answer is the wrong one, and I feel guilty no matter what. The pressure to do one thing or the other makes me wish for his infancy to end, just so the debate can be in the past- and that is the saddest thing to me, because I love him being a baby and I wish I could just enjoy it. I wonder if other mothers, pumping or not, have a lot of pain throughout breastfeeding, and if pain is a good enough reason to switch to formula?

[B]

5 kids. 5 different combinations of feeding. My kid, my choice. (You know, within certain guidelines.) Some politician deciding what I can have access to? BULL. SHIT.If I want to drive myself crazy to nurse my baby who stayed in the NICU for a while, my choice. If I don't want to bother because I have 5 kids, the last of whom has Down syndrome; my choice. If I have a baby stop nursing suddenly, and refuse to take formula because of an undiagnosed problem with corn syrup (and all corn products), and I feed her goat milk? MY CHOICE.

I'm so grateful I can nurse our daughter, and SHE can nurse from me. I don't need some asshole to make me feel like shit if she couldn't and I didn't want to pump. And I could go on and on and on, but I won't. I think we all instinctively know this is wrong. No words are necessary.

[margarida Martial]

Yes, It hurts to feed child.

Jogos de matematica

[Mom101]

You know where I stand. I just want to say you so rocked it on HLN. I'd book you for anything, anytime.

[Kara]

I live in the UK and before we give birth and after we are bombarded with breast is best.
This was fine with me but unfortunately my daughter didn't know this. She would only feed on one side and in the end after a week at home we went back into hospital (in the UK we have mid wives coming to check babies and women at home for 10 days before we are then signed off to a health visitor who then monitors the babies to make sure they are developing fine or help out with any queries you may have) as my little girl lost weight. We were in there for 3 days and we got her feeding but we supplimented as well because she was just so hungry. I also expressed milk at every feeding session. In the end though I only lasted 8 weeks, the pumping meant I hardly got any sleep, my daughter refused to feed on the right side again and all sorts of other issues. I spent a lot of time crying and feeling like a total failure. In the end I just decided that it was more important my baby doesn't starve and luckily my health vistor and doctor lessoned my guilt by saying my baby had all the good stuff in the first few days and not to worry... they were mothers too.
Breast is best... thats for sure but don't make us mothers who can't do it for whatever reason feel guilty, we already heap enough guilt onto ourselves.

[Sarah]

A very wise woman (my mother) once said to me that it is more important for a baby to have a functioning mother than breast milk. If breast feeding is driving the mother to bedlam (pain, lack of sleep, feelings of failure and worry about how a baby is thriving), then other options need to be tried. If you can't relate to your baby on a level not involving feeding him, or her, it's time to try something new. It's not failure, it's a desire to succeed in the long-term goal of raising a happy, healthy child. The other issue, I foresee is the mother who is physically wiped out by childbirth, who needs the night of sleep before she takes her baby home to a house void of nurses and help. Formula is not the villain. There is a need for greater education, greater support and far less judgement.

[Daphne Kuehl]

I am an RN, IBCLC and most importantly, nursing mother of a 13 month old. Breastfeeding was not easy AT ALL for us, between latching difficulties, Raynaud's and low supply issues, despite my profession. I used donor milk when I needed to supplement, but it was hard to be back at work full time working 14 hour days a nurse in a busy labor and delivery. However, with all that said, I support Mayor Bloomberg. I go more in depth with it in my blog:

http://thelactationroom.net/2012/08/05/let-food-be-thy-medicine/

[Alison]

I did not nurse my kids....I have 4- a 7 year old, a 5 year old and twin 10 month olds. I tried with my son and got very little support in my hospital. And when I say that I don't mean they were forcing formula down my kid's throat but rather that I never got to meet with a lactation specialist, I never really had anyone help me, I just was kind of put out there and told to have the kid suck and see what's what. That all being said, it turns out I was physically unable to nurse due to all sorts of physical and medical issues that only came out after my son's birth.

With this new initiative I feel like Bloomberg is treating formula like narcotics. We lock the hard drugs up in the hospital, well we better lock up the formula too because you know do the exact same thing- make people woozy, and sleepy and feel all kinds of high. Oh, wait, no they don't.

This isn't about breast being best or formula being worst. Breast is best when it's best and formula is best when it's best. There is no way to say a is better than b without knowing the circumstances of the situation. Here, though, Bloomberg- in all his childbearing and breastfeeding wisdom- has stepped up and made it so that the one thing that could potentially solve a lot of issues that could dovetail in more issues is that much more inaccessible and stigmatizing.

Thanks so much Mayor Mike....let me take a sip of my 100 ounce soda and then I'll get right on tossing out all of my baby formula and see how my kids do on my non-milk producing boobs. You're the bestest!

[Mary_Flashlight]

I was very very lucky that I was able to breastfeed without supplementing with formula. According to everyone I knew, I SHOULDN'T have been able to do that, because I went back to work full time 6 weeks post-partum (I am the breadwinner, husband is the SAHparent), and worked 5 days a week... so was away about 10 hours a day. Eventually I went to a 4 day week, so was away about 11 hours a day (I didn't take a lunch hour, and my boss let me take 3 pump breaks without penalty since, as he said, he smoked at least 5 times a day and didn't get penalized for it). I was lucky, because I responded SO WELL to the pump that I actually threw out at least a THOUSAND ounces of frozen milk... and my son didn't eat solids until he was 18 months old and had been through 9 months of feeding therapy. He nursed until he was a little over 3. I couldn't donate my stash because I take an antidepressant and, well, you know, freaking ibuprofen, and you had to be completely drug free to donate your milk.

The thing is, the other woman in my office who was nursing did the EXACT same things I did (and more since she tried a lot to up her supply when it was really the response to the pump issue)... and she had to supplement. It's the luck of the draw.

With child 2, I was able to work full-time from home, so I would be on a conference bridge, and he would nurse, and if people heard him, they could get over it.

So yeah, breast is best. You know what else is best? Having the time/money/biology to do that. Without all 3 of those things combined, formula is literally a lifesaver for babies AND mothers.

[Lily from It's A Dome Life]

My experience with breast feeding was similar to Amanda's. I was so committed to breast feeding that I was starving my baby. Many months before I went into labor I was determined to breast feed. I think most moms have probably made that decision long before they get to the hospital. I agree that people should be educated about the benefits of breast feeding, but I also think we need to respect the choices people make and the circumstances in which they make them. I carry so much guilt around with me to this very day. Guilt that I didn't produce enough milk, guilt that I fed my baby formula, guilt that I waited so long to feed my baby formula. I hope other moms will be able to make these hard decisions without also having to bear the burden of societal guilt and pressure pushing down on them. Being a new mom is hard enough without people judging you on every move you make.

I wrote about my breast feeding experience here: http://itsadomelife.blogspot.com/2012/08/im-pro-breast-feeding-but-still.html

[Amanda Daybyday]

I had the luxury of staying home with my kids after they were born. I did not have to juggle commuting or breast pumps or timing. I was at my children's beck and call and yet, I still did not have enough milk. I read the books that told me there was no excuse because fixing the latch would fix everything. I took the drugs that were supposed to increase my milk supply. I ate supplements. When my oldest was 6 weeks old, we could see his hip bones when he lied down. He was not gaining weight. He never slept. I was starving him.

So, from my perspective, formula saved my children's lives. I supplemented my breast milk with formula until they were 6 months old, then it was exclusively formula because my milk had run completely dry. I did my very best for them, yet there is still this massive guilt that I feel every time some mother proudly exclaims how superior she is because SHE breastfeeds. My youngest is 5 1/2 and I still feel that guilt. Something is wrong here.

So, thanks for your perspective... I appreciate it a lot.

And as an aside? My oldest son's IQ is pushing 140... pretty sure the formula didn't hurt him there.

[Emily]

I was going to write exactly what Melissa said, but she said it much better than I!

AMEN!

[Melissa]

My daughter is two and a half and a total delight.

For the first 6 months she was exclusively breastfed. I went back to work at 12 weeks pp part time. I worked two 9 hour days, but with the train schedule was away from her about 12 hours a day. I had pumped a bunch after feedings to save up extra for when I worked. What I did not anticipate was her using food for comfort and burning through that extra in 2-3 short weeks. I also didn't anticipate how much less efflicirnt the pump would be (meaning discomfort after pumping throughout my workday and not making enough milk to sustain my daughter those 2 days). And, I didn't anticipate my supply dropping as we introduced solids. I tried so hard, but introduced formula at 6 months (1 bottle/day - 2 days a week). I felt so guilty that I didn't have enough milk (Knowing a mom who set her alarm and got up twice in the night to pump long after her daughter slept through and knowing i was so crabby when i tried that that I couldn't bring myself to get up for a machine.) I felt guilty that we could (barely) afford for me to stay home but I wanted to keep my foot in the door in my career. I wondered if I would need to leave the BF mom's group where I made friends and kept myself sane. Regardless, my girl needed to eat. So, we sent along a can of formula along with my baggies of breastmilk 2 days a week. I made less and less as she ate more and more food. The other 5 days we nursed until she was 11 months old and my supply ran out and she bit me so many times. For a long time, I felt terrible that I made choices that didn't make the exclusive BF happen.

Know what, though? My daughter is still a delight. She had formula and I nursed as much as possible. That's the end of that.

Was it nice to dig around on her closet and find those old samples so she could try a few different kinds and see what she preferred before shelling out for the can? Yes. Did those samples change my mind about how I wanted to feed my daughter? No. If I couldn't have breastfed her, would I have given her formula? Of course. So, I don't think the government should be involved in such a personal decision. Motherhood is full of enough guilt and anxiety without someone putting A WAY TO FEED YOUR CHILD -not poison- under lock and key. Woman all want to do what they think is best for their babies. It's important to educate them, not shame them.