In like a lion, out like a rack of lamb

I really wasn't surprised to hear that my mom was pissed that I tossed her rack of lamb. It was just one of the many [two 2-ton dumpster full] casualities in my house cleaning extravaganza.  

The first dumpster. 

And this week, she finally heads home after spending the last month with a family friend, so I'm sure this will only be the start. More than enough reassurance as to why I live 800 miles away. 

I had this brilliant idea to Facetime with her as she walked through the house for the first time since she had her heart surgery but then I realized that might not be as smart. The last thing I need is for me to be excited about the completely cleaned out kitchen cabinets and her freaking out about where all her dishes went. 

(In a box. In a garage. It's all the other stuff in the kitchen I tossed, Mom).

There's really no hope for her not to be angry at me at some level. I saved what I thought was important and tossed what I thought was not. But because I'm not her (and she's not me), her definition of important and mine are probably a little off. 

Actually, I'm sure of it based on all the crap that was in her house. 

I imagine much of what I tossed she won't even miss. And if she does, like say her obsolete nursing textbooks from 1994 that are all now in their 5th edition and she never uses,  I told my brother to tell her I packed them away in a box in the basement. 

But I'm hoping that the hospital grade cleaning that brought me to tears when I my brother sent me pictures and the fresh coat of paint will help ease the shock. 

The kitchen. Kind of before. 

The kitchen after. Now you see why I was crying.

Add in the power washing, which my brother described as "Harry Potter like" when all the throngs of daddy long legs spiders leapt away from the house during his chemical pre-treatment, the new air conditioner (which hadn't worked for a couple of years - eep!), and a little bit of landscaping.

We even purchased a new television and family room furniture set to make up for the one we tossed that was so completely covered in dust and cat hair that we couldn't even donate it. 

The truth is she's been wanting to sell the house for years but could never bring herself to do what I did, probably because she would never have been able to do it herself. 

I could barely do it myself, even with the help of my brother and his wife.

So now it's ready. And I hope she sees what everyone else is telling me it is: A gift. 

The money I put in her account will be more than enough for her to purchase what she thinks she's missing, which so far is a pretty important rack of lamb. 

And if it doesn't, I will happily remind her that she was sleeping on the original mattress she had when she moved into the house. In 1978. 

With pictures to remind her of its condition.

And that I found mouse shit in her silverware drawer. 

Comments

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[Karen]

You did the right thing, and she will be grateful for the freedom you helped provide her. You helped set her free from the burden of stuff, and while she will likely mourn their loss occasionally, you have put her in front of all the items from her past cluttering not only her home but her heart and mind.

[Jess]

My mom suffered a serious stroke last June. While her mind survived relatively well, her mobility is very limited. My father has always been one to bury his head in the sand about things and when you add in the fact that he's now running their two businesses by himself, everything is quite chaotic. Every time I go and visit I feel like it's a week long shit clean up. It's impossible for me to feel at ease when the whole house looks like it's on the verge of being featured in a TLC special. And so I dedicate my visit to purging room after room all while taking care of my two kinds under three and making sure my parents eat something that wasn't frozen and processed.

Some of my friends make me feel like I'm being hard on my parents, because they have bigger priorities than wondering when the last time the sheets were changed. my reasoning is, if you can't even handle the everyday things HOW are you supposed to work on recovery and move forward? I mean seriously, you don't have to be a shrink to know that sleep on a bare mattress means you're not in a good place. Other times I think it's my own way of avoidance. I know I can't fix my mom, but after I purge a room, mountains of mouse poop included, that's a definite improvement.

It sucks when our parents get old. I guess that's the only clear conclusion I can draw from this.

[Marta]

I think its amazing what you and your brother did. That's a HUGE undertaking. In the end I'd be surprised if she truly missed anything that you tossed.

[alice]

Good daughter. Good, good, good. Are you kidding me? The best.

[Redneck Mommy]

YOU ARE THE BEST DAUGHTER. I hope my kid treats me just as kindly if the situation ever arises. And your brother? BEST SON. Good job to all of you.

[Asha Dornfest]

YOU AND YOUR BROTHER ARE THE BEST CHILDREN IN THE WORLD.

[The Muskrat]

This looks like a painful but necessary exercise. She's lucky to have you!

[ClumberKim]

I remember hearing stories for years about the clean out of a great aunt's home after she passed away. Now I wish it had been done many, many years sooner. She would have been so much happier. You did the right thing.

[Laurie]

Having witnessed a similar situation very close to me, I know what a hard thing this is to do, for many reasons, on many levels, physically, emotionally, everything. Props to you -- it was totally right. Hopefully she'll be able to immediately breathe better in there, and it'll make it all okay in her mind. Take a day off from worrying -- you deserve it.

[Amanda]

What Liz said.

[Julie Marsh]

You did a kind, generous, and loving thing. Your brother too.

Your mother is a kind, generous, and loving person herself. She will see the truth of what you've done for her, in time.

[Goddess in Progress]

You absolutely did the right thing. I know you know that, but hopefully more voices saying so will help steel your resolve in case your mom disagrees. I hope she's able to see what a gift it really is. And if not, I at least hope she "forgives" you. You did a great thing.

[Mom101]

You're an amazing daughter. As with being an amazing parent, sometimes that means sometimes giving the people we love what they need, and not what they want.

[Kelly]

One of the hardest things ever I think... I remember my dad doing it for his older brother even, and ... really one of the hardest 'jobs' there can be. You did a great thing.

These posts plus some other circumstances have led to my family going room by room and purging and it feels great. 1st floor done, part of 2nd floor done... just a couple closets & basement left!

[Karen Chatters]

You're a good kid. It's always easier to go through other people's crap and toss what you think isn't important. Now having said that, can you come over on Thursday and do that to my house? I don't think our house is quite as bad as your moms but I'd really like someone to purge some shit for me.