Under normal circumstances, I would have minded the "Have a told you lately how much I love you and how proud I am of you?" text from my mom.
But it was her second day at the hospital and I started to freak out.
When you have a mom with a heart condition, you're used to calls about doctor appointments and hospital visits.
But you're never ready for "I'm headed to the ER, I'll text you" messages.
Never.
Her quick overnight visit to get rid of her cough and swelling (probably a result of mild Congenital Heart Failure) turned into two and then three nights, with more tests, rule-out blood clot sonograms, and bad news, the news that prompted her to send me the text, which is probably why I quickly responded "Is everything okay over there?" even though I knew the answer.
My mom and I have a unique relationship. As an adult, it's been mostly sustained through my children, a result of living far away from each other, but also because we are quite different.
Our religious choices, which basically are that I have none and she has enough for both of us, have separated us emotionally. And although I'd never quite say we were chummy best friends to begin with, we definitely keep our discussion to family news and what funny thing Margot said at the dinner table.
It's not the relationship I hope mine will be with my daughters, but it's not bad. In fact, it's actually good for us. No arguments over Hell or my eternal life or gay marriage.
I hold comment when she tells me that "God is good and answered her prayers." And I know she holds her tongue with a large number of my endeavors.
But this I know: Her shoulder will always be there and her arms wide open, no Bible standing in between us.
And any time I think of the remote possibility that she will not be there, the wind is knocked completely out of me.
Even though our relationship while I was growing up was peppered with massive peaks and valleys, and now survives through texts, infrequent phone calls, and visits when we need help with the kids, I know she's there, with her emails about the Tylenol recall that happened a year ago. Her frantic phone calls about tornado warnings "in the South."
And unexpected replies to my shared photos of the kids, like "You're such a good mom." or "Your kids are so lucky to have you."
Her heart is okay, for now.
But mine, breaking.
{Note: I wrote this post yesterday and then promptly got news that they're keeping her in and doing a procedure on Monday to try to figure out what's going on, so I've decided to fly up to see her today. I appreciate your thoughts, well wishes, and yes, even prayers, if that's what you do. Even heathens appreciate the power of positive thinking in whatever form it comes}
This domain is a marvelous source of valuable information! Do you mind if I pingback one of your posts on my personal website?
Posted by: Sir Daniel's blog | October 10, 2012 at 09:33 AM
how is everything??
My parents live in a town near a huge plant and i worry about their health all the time... so many people from my home town die of cancer..
parents are the best thing we have, i hope everything is ok now!!
Posted by: Faye | September 03, 2012 at 07:27 AM
Vi sigurno imaju neke prijatan mišljenja i stavove. Vaš blog pruža svježi pogled na subject.Have ste mislili o uvođenju neke Social Bookmarking gumbi ove blogove. Barem za google.I stvarno poštovati članaka na Vašoj web lokaciji. Radite fini posao! Hvala puno.
Posted by: sac michael kors | August 10, 2012 at 05:16 AM
I'm so glad you got to go up there.
Posted by: Rita Arens | June 20, 2012 at 11:23 AM
Praying.
Posted by: Theresa | June 12, 2012 at 10:41 AM
been thinking of you and your mom, Kristen since I first heard she went into the hospital.
I love what you wrote here. Such a lovely tribute to the adult daughter/mother relationship. I'm secretly jealous that I have nothing like this or even more with my own but I so treasure the ones I have with my adult daughters...especially my 1st born. We always butted heads from the time she was a small human but suddenly when she became a mother we forged an amazing bond even if we differ on some things still. I read your post and I thought about what I have with Hollie now and I smiled. how lucky we all are...you, your mom, Hollie, me.
Looking forward to good news from you.
Take care.
Posted by: Laura | June 12, 2012 at 01:32 AM
Done.
Posted by: Amanda | June 11, 2012 at 09:47 PM
I'm thinking very positive thoughts for you and your mom. Hope she is doing better soon.
Posted by: Heather | June 11, 2012 at 07:19 PM
Im glad you get to go and be with her, it will mean a lot to her...i can understand that now as a mom. Blessings from one heathen to another!
Posted by: Meghan | June 11, 2012 at 02:13 PM
Oh god. Thinking of you K and sending love and peace and healthy energy to your mom! xo
Posted by: sweetney | June 11, 2012 at 10:03 AM
My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Posted by: Kendra | June 11, 2012 at 08:35 AM
I'm praying too! I hope everinthing it's ok!
Posted by: comment gagner de l'argent | June 11, 2012 at 04:35 AM
I googled "my husband is an idiot" and found your blog only to discover that your mom and my mom are both in the hospital with undetermined heart issues that all sound quite bad. I wish you and your mom well, I feel your pain.
Hold your mom's hand a little. xox
Posted by: michele | June 11, 2012 at 12:36 AM
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. It is an "interesting" relationship we share with our mothers, is it not? *HUGS*
Posted by: Sarah BP | June 10, 2012 at 09:21 PM
Thinking of you and your mom. So glad you can go up to see her!
Posted by: Fairly Odd Mother | June 10, 2012 at 05:54 PM
I'll happily send a prayer or two up to the big guy for you!!
Posted by: dina | June 10, 2012 at 02:09 PM
Big hugs, Kristen. I hope (and yes, pray) that everything is ok.
Posted by: Karen | June 10, 2012 at 11:36 AM
Big hugs for you and your family. I pray so I said a quick prayer. It's a beautiful thing. And a beautiful feeling.
Posted by: Irish Twins Momma | June 10, 2012 at 11:22 AM
Pulling for you and your mom.
Posted by: Suebob | June 10, 2012 at 10:13 AM
Sending you warm wishes and a prayer or two, sweet girl.
Posted by: Karen | June 10, 2012 at 09:54 AM
We have very similar relationships with our moms. I hope they figure out what is happening and get her fixed up quickly. Love to you
Posted by: Pgoodness | June 10, 2012 at 09:45 AM
Sending love and good wishes to you and your mom.
Posted by: Stimey | June 10, 2012 at 09:37 AM
I'm so sorry, Kristen. I hope the procedure goes well. My MIL has heart failure, too, and while she is doing all right now, for a year or so she was in and out of the hospital and it was very hard on my husband and his brothers. I'll send my very non-religious good thoughts your way.
Posted by: Jaelithe | June 10, 2012 at 09:25 AM
Your relationship with your mom sounds A LOT like mine with my mom. I'm glad you are going to be with her, I hope she is able to heal quickly and get home soon.
Posted by: Jackie | June 10, 2012 at 09:22 AM
What a lovely post. Wonderful that you have each found a way to give the other freedom for their own beliefs. I hope her recovery is quick, and I am sure your visit will help.
Posted by: Valerie | June 10, 2012 at 08:30 AM
I'm definitely praying for you and your mom! Please keep us posted!
Posted by: Caren | June 10, 2012 at 06:46 AM