Between hormones and lack of sleep, I have about one good week of normal mood patterns.
And by normal I mean bearable.
And that's if I'm exercising regularly, eating well, and not alone with my kids for more than three days in a row.
So really, I have one or two really good days on a consistent basis. Out of 30.
I'm no mathematician but that seems to be a really terrible percentage.
In past years, I've been able to handle myself with little breaks, deep breathing, and sleep. Some shopping (shoes, not clothes, so I don't stab myself in the dressing room), a little booze.
And there were fewer kids.
I swear those teeny tiny things will be the end of any sanity I have left.
But now it's almost out-of-control.
I'm not pulling a Joan Crawford or anything, but I'm crabby and snippy, magnified times about 400 if something sets me off.
Heads are being bitten off and spit out.
And I'm anxious. Like "did I leave the iron on OMG I LEFT THE IRON ON even though I haven't ironed in 4 years I BETTER CALL TO HAVE MY HUSBAND TURN OFF THE AUTOMATIC OFF IRON" anxious.
Then a few minutes, or hours, later I get to look back at myself with embarrassment and shame as I sit atop my pile of regret and guilt followed by the negative self talk that sounds like a kid's book.
I'm a terrible, horrible, no-good very bad mother. I think I'll move to Australia.
I'm not quite sure what the solution is but I'm willing to try anything. I've been eating better, exercising regularly, turning off in the evenings.
Drinking less, socializing more.
And hoping that my kids remember the days where I am the nice, funny, and an all-around good person I'd like to be always.