No parent ever in the universe

Between the "Shit my [some person of some culture or ethnicity] says" videos and all quotes in my Twitter and Facebook feeds, I was about to pop my lid. 

Do we really care about "Shit my postal worker says!"? No. And while I can appreciate the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt, I don't need to see them tweeted at me, or updated with funny pictures of baby kittens. 

But then the other day on Twitter, I came up with a fun little meme of my own that I think you all will enjoy. 

It all started when Margot discovered the gigantic basket full of stuffed animals hiding in the closet (aka the donation waiting area). 

And then I couldn't stop myself. 

So I kept on going. 

And going. 

And laughing. 

Because if I wasn't laughing, I'd be crying. 

Feel free to add your own in the comments as well as your Twitter handle. I'll be tweeting them with the #noparentever just because why not. 

Comments

[Finuala]

Thank you orthodontist! I really had no other plans for my next 5 years worth of income tax refunds. @tonuala

[My Little Otter]

"I love it when you put your fingers in your mouth when we're in Wal-Mart!"

[Marta]

Could you please scream like that again? I don't think I heard quite all the range in your voice -- no parent ever @marta28

[Pia]

I love how you Christen the kitchen floor every week when I'm done cleaning it. My favorite - when you drop the gallon of cherry kool aid. Could you do it at least 5 times a day?

@bnzmom

[Heather]

Yes, please take forever to walk down the stairs and insist that I don't carry you. I love the scared feeling that you are going to get hurt to last as long as possible!

[Katie R-G]

When you take a massive shit in my bed and then roll around in it until it's on your forehead and on all of my pillows, it makes me feel loved. Thank you for reminding me to buy new pillows since the ones I bought last month weren't to your liking.

[jeanieinparadise]

I think yoghurt is the best face cream too - and it helps the table get that sheen that just can't be matched!

[The Mommy Psychologist]

I love the green boogers that you leave on the walls to surprise me.

[Crystal Cargill]

Thanks for asking the person at the park if they were a man or a woman. It's always good to have an icebreaker.

[sharon]

THANK YOU for the good laugh! My husband does a whole series of "no son, xyz..." in similar style. love it!

[Kristen]

Sure, go through all the contents of my purse. Playing with Mom's tampons is super fun.

Absolutely! Biting me is a surefire method to get me to let you have your way.

I love that you wake up every morning soaked to your neck in pee. The fragrance is like a field of flowers.

@kmsmphd

[Megan @ Mama Bub]

Thanks for inviting me into the bathroom and showing me your poop. It really DOES look like a rocket ship! @mamabub

[Amanda (@Amanda_aka_Mom)]

Yes, that litterbox is a sandbox full of tootsie rolls for you to taste test #Noparentever

[alimartell]

"I wish you'd come and chew that cucumber right next to my ear. And maybe that bowl of cereal while you're at it. It's my most favorite sound in the world." #noparentever

"Oh pretty please can I stick my finger in your mouth and wiggle that loose tooth?!" #noparentever

@alimartell

[jessica]

Thanks for taking your shoes off in the car again. I love having to wrestle them onto your feet while you kick and scream at every one of our 8 "quick" errands today. @hijesssmiles

[Sea]

Thank you for opting out of your nap today! You know mommy loves spending all her free time with you! @pseudomommy

[Issa]

Oh thank you, that book about tractors is my favorite too.

Oh this ice cream? Yes. Mommy came and hid in the closet, so she could share it with you!

I love doing your hair for five minutes so that you can destroy it in the car.

@issascrazyworld I could keep going forever...but I'll stop for now. Something silly about work. ;)

[Amanda]

Why yes, I DO need company while I sit on the toilet. I hate being alone.

That 400th round of Itsy Bitsy Spider was not enough. Lets go for 401!

Thank you for helping me realize that I hate eating hot food. I had no idea.

@snflwry

[Marty]

Washing undies is definitely my favorite hobby, and diapers are so cheap these days. Please, please can we keep potty training til you are in Kindergarten?!?!?!@OwlSenseBooks

[Courtney]

Oh Sweetie, I love it when you use my boob to push yourself up, especially with your elbow. @CourtRid21

[Karen]

I love yelling at you two when you fight.

Sure! Use my shirt as a napkin.

Move as slowly as you want. Being late is fun!

@Submommy

[Lorinda]

I love the beautiful relentless cries and whines that come from your lips. How about I jump in the bath while all four of you serenade me.

[Amanda]

I was hoping that you would eliminate another food from what you are willing to eat in your lunch box each day. Mommy loves a futile challenge. @amandamagee

[Amanda]

I love so much that you told me so clearly that you wished the pretty blonde lady at Target was your mom instead of me because she was prettier. @amandamagee

[Amanda]

Thank you for asking about the hair on my front butt while we were in the stall of the very crowded theatre bathroom. @amandamagee

[Lissa]

Your picky palate & useful critique ("yucky") makes cooking so much fun. It's like Top Chef every day! @MamaKvetch

[The Muskrat]

You're pregnant and can't kick your meth habit? Woot! We should totally be on TV!

[Breanna]

Thank you so much for teaching Grandma all the bad words I said when you peed on the cat yesterday!

[Jayme]

You waited until you got into the bath to poop? How thoughtful! I love fishing for turds and disinfecting rubber ducks! @littlebabyblog