Kid leashes, spanking, and other things that bring out my inner Sanctimommy

Awhile back I wrote a post about how we all judge other moms. We're human after all. At least, I am, anyway, and while some of us don't have as many parenting dealbreakers than others of us, I'm pretty sure we all have at least one thing that parents do that makes us raise our eyebrows.

I have five. Maybe six.

I told you I was human.

I'll probably never change my mind about kid leashes, although I can understand in some circumstances (kids with special needs, mostly) where some parents might use them.

{I still just really don't like them}

And I still stand firm that a baby should never be on a bar. Like literally on top of it.

But mostly, I just believe that regardless of the things that make us judge others, we really need to not give a shit what other people think.

And not be so surprised or thin-skinned when something we do that might be a little controversial pisses people off.

Thanks for joining me, Illana!

Comments

[Chanel Bags]

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[dating sites]

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[CJ]

Great article and I enjoyed reading all the comments. Being a mother of 4, I definitely know different things work for different kids and varying situations. Never was a fan of the kid leash either and I never bought one. But I have to admit with 4 kids going different directions, at times I probably should have. A parent knows their child better than anyone and if you know it is best for the child to be on a leash, then do it. Much better than them running in front of a car in a parking lot or getting lost in a store or amusement park!

And late night shopping with a little one, well I have done it myself. One of my kids needed little sleep, unfortunately, and would fuss. So there were times we would leave dad at home with the other ones in bed to go shop and if I was really really lucky it would wear her down and she would fall asleep on the way home. So I try not to judge, unless you see obviously tired, cranky kids being dragged around a store late at night...... well then you can't help but wonder why the parent doesn't have them in bed.

Bottom line is a parent needs to do what works best for their kids. As long as it is not unhealthy or harmful to the child, then the hell what anyone else thinks!

[ame]

I admit I laughed on the inside the last time we were at Disney when I saw a kid of about 10 spilling out of a rental stroller, until I noticed how peaceful that girl looked as she slept on that stroller,which made me wish they made strollers a bit bigger. I would Love to be strollered around at Disney when I get tired ;)
I got a laugh today when I went to the deli to fetch our dinner pick-up order. There were maybe 4 tables taken. I heard a mother yell to her maybe 4 year old daughter that she was TALKING TOO LOUD!!! I didn't mind the happy, excited chirp of the cute lil child's voice, doubted anyone else did.You could almost see that little girl's happy spirit shrink a bit. It made me sad.
Very rarely did I need to tell my daughters (now 12 and 14) they needed to speak in a lower voice in public, but if I did, I certainly didn't almost scream it at them.
I recon 1 of my top mom-peeves is hearing parents yell, threaten, belittle children in public. I understand it can be frustrating and tiring to parent, but if it gets to that point, it means it is time to go home.

[JennyOH]

I definitely get judgey about things like soda in the bottle (I read an article once about isolated communities in, I think, Alaska, where they drinks TONS of soda and most children's front teeth rot out before they even lose them because they all have soda in their bottles, and the accompanying photo made me a little sick). But I know I do some things that make other parents judgey BUT they work for us. I work full time and if my toddler daughter went to bed at 7 instead of staying up until 10 or 11 at night I'd hardly get to see her all week. My husband's a SAHD so they sleep in to make up for it. It works for us. I try to think of this when I see something like older kids with pacifiers/in strollers that I wouldn't ever do. It's not hurting the kid, and it works for that family.

[Alyssa S.]

I try to tell myself that a 2 minute public interaction with a parent and his/her kid might not be representative of them a whole. Just because I stumble upon a Mom with a screaming kid on the aisle in Target doesn't mean I know that she is a bad Mom or the kid is a brat. It could just be a bad moment for them both. Once my son was having a bad day and threw a screaming fit at a movie and I had to haul him out of the theater, tossed over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes as he yelled "PUT ME DOWN" over and over at the top of his lungs. It was the first and last time it ever happened, but I was mortified about what people might be thinking about us both. I try to remember that day before I jump to judge!

[HerInnerVoice]

Pepsi in a baby bottle? For real?! WHO DOES THAT???

[Kristen Chase]

Haha. Marta. That is awesome.

[Marta]

I once ranted and raved to one of my best friends about how I hate kids on leashes and how I wouldn't be seen with someone who had their kids on one. And then I looked at her registry and she had registered for one... Ooops. Her child doesn't walk yet, but I'm sure hoping she doesn't use the leash with me!

[Julie Marsh]

Eh, even health and safety issues are a matter of personal judgment. So sayeth the mom who had a visit from the sheriff because my kid was out running in the neighborhood.

[Amanda]

Frankly, unless it's a health or safety issue that I see in public, I have bigger fish to fry than to worry what other parents are doing. Being a special needs parent of 2 puts a lot into perspective. I welcome the days where "first world problems" are the things that get on my nerves, because that means we're having a good day. Although I will say that it gets really old being judged almost every time our family goes out in public just based on appearances.

[jouer au blackjack]

Very nice post !

[Rachel @ Rediscovering the Kitchen]

Personally, I don't see things like disapproving of kids drinking soda and eating junk food as being a judgy sanctimommy thing, I see it as a health and safety issue; We all know the difference between child abuse and controlled spanking - we might not agree with it, but as long as it isn't abusive we don't call child protection services. (I hate it when I see parents say "Don't hit your brother!" and then hit the child who just hit.) I see food in the same way. An occasional treat, a fast food meal grabbed on the run when you have no other options, not the best idea and perhaps you could have planned ahead of time, but when you see a child of three who is already obese, chowing down on a huge bag of candy and can of soda... that's not ok. I do see it as abusive.

Other things that bring out my inner sanctimommy are parents who swear directly at their kids, parents who threaten consequences for bad behavior but never follow through and wonder why the kid doesn't take them seriously, parents who don't listen to their kids and wonder why they turn into teenagers who won't talk to them.

I will never judge a parent for having their kid on a leash though; my little sister learned to run before she could walk, so she would fall over and hurt herself every time she stopped. My Mum had to use a leash to catch her, or she would have broken her nose many times over.

[Sleeping Mom]

I do my best not to judge other moms particularly if it's something petty. If they want to have a leash, by all means go for it; doesn't affect me and your kid isn't starving because of it. I'd rather reserve my harshest criticisms for moms who actually do neglect or abuse their kids rather than the ones who happen to be holding on to a leash.

[Kayt]

I get judgy about the moms that hover over their kids at the playground. Your kid is like, five. PLEASE let him play with the other kids! You're making me look like a slacker mommy, sitting here and reading my book. It's one thing if there are no other kids for yours to play with, but man, it's crowded! Come sit down and let your kid socialize!

I have to say, I have a kiddie leash. It only comes out at the airport, as I have a runner, and I do the me and my toddler flight thing a couple times a year, with a car seat and a roll away suitcase. I just don't allow my child to make a run for it in a place that it could get me arrested. Feel free to judge me on it. Other than that? The leash stays in the suitcase in the closet until it's time to fly again. And if I have another adult with me, I don't take the leash.

[Janene]

Good job on your video! I am and very oldish mommy of 6, my youngest being twins. I never liked the leash thing either but was faced with a family vacation and an amusement park when the twins were 2. I knew I would be spending a lot of time alone with them in the kiddie area while my husband rode rides with our older kids. One of my twins was a runner who could not sit still, so I broke down and bought a leash. It was such a hassle putting it on her every time I took her out of the stroller. It was a lifesaver though when we went on a steamboat ride that lasted a half hour. She cracked us up, getting out of her seat, walking about 6 feet into the aisle, realizing she could go no further, coming back, getting up again. She was quiet the whole time though and quite entertaining to the other passengers, lol. I never had to use it again but am so glad I had it that day.

[Kristen - Motherhood Uncensored]

Thanks Amanda!

[Amelia Sprout]

I try so hard to remember that it is their choice not mine. I hate big kids in strollers, then I remember that my kid is tall and if you have a runner... I didn't like leashes until I realized there is a time and place if you have a runner. Better to let the kid wear themselves out on a leash then constrain them in a stroller for the whole State Fair...
And oh.. the kids at the store late at night. Do these children not sleep?
Also, don't get me started on the babies drinking soda. M is five, and now gets to share a real sugar soda on a very rare occasion. Very, very rare. Never more than a sip up until now.

[Kristen - Motherhood Uncensored]

Ha, Brenda. Yeah. I try to imagine that they're single moms on a desperate diaper run, which makes it a little better.

[Amanda]

i am thoroughly enjoying the Kristen Chase show. and my inner sanctimommy was vindicated, so *bonus*. :)

[Brenda]

I get inwardly riled up when I see parents with their young kinds out at the grocery store at 10 or 11 at night or when my neighbors' toddler is running in the halls at 10pm.

[Amanda]

Coffee and wine during my 6+ consecutive years of nursing. Lots of judging, wouldn't have changed a thing. Internally my lip would snarl when people would ask me if I thought it was safe. Then I'd see a baby bottle filled with Pepsi in the hands of an 11 month old and my sanctimommy would come to life.