I was surprised to hear President Obama weigh in on the relit Mommy Wars flame after the controversial statements by Hilary Rosen in regards to Ann Romney.
But after thinking about it a little, I kind of get it.
As a practicing music therapist working with drug addicts, I was often asked if I was a recovering addict myself.
And when I said "no," I'd endure a rash of shit. Eyes would roll.
The "it takes one to know one" (or "treat one" in this case) belief is common in addictions counseling.
And regardless of how much of the good-therapist empathy you have, you're not taken seriously.
I didn't really get it back then.
It's not that I don't think my sessions, exercises, and take aways based on the empathy I have for my clients weren't effective.
We can't expect therapists to have experienced the various, diverse levels of trauma of their clients, and yet, they are still able to provide them with support, insight, and solutions.
But then I had kids.
And I realized that no level of empathy from someone who doesn't have kids is the same as being a mom. Though their feedback and advice might be helpful, in fact, I know from personal experience that it has been, I can't imagine I'd want them to represent my feelings, opinions, and emotions about parenting.
There's just something about being in the trenches. Together.
But if we disqualify Ann Romney, at some level, we kind of need to disqualify our own President, who never served military duty at some level as well.
{I'll be honest. I voted for him. But my eyes rolled a little}.
I think it's more than fair for the working parents struggling to make ends meet, worried about losing their job if they miss days for sick kids, wondering how they'll survive during a maternity leave to give her a rash of shit.
Ill-phrased, perhaps, but ire nonetheless.
I felt the same way when military folks raised a ruckus about President Obama.
Fair game.
We all know stay at home mothering is work. Hard work. But it's okay to acknowledge that it's not the same as being a WOHM.
But it's also okay for someone to say "I may not have the experience and I'm not pretending to, but I'm willing to learn. I'm willing to surround myself with people who *do* know and who will help me make the best, most informed decisions I can."
That's what a lot of us moms are doing.
That's what Obama did.
Here's hoping Ann Romney does the same.
Hi, thank you for sharing your insight. But i would have to say that no one can control what other people think. So it is better that you shut them off your thoughts mand concentrate on doing what you do best. Helping others out is the best thing that you can do. Good for you. I cannot understand why others wouldn't take you seriously!
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Who cares if Ann Romney had help or not, she is still a sheltered woman who never had to go out in the real world and face the problems the other 99% of us have. Do you think someone who has to decide which Cadillac to have her driver use to transport her the stables so she can groom one of the $250,000 worth of horses she owns, doesn't have help with the kids and house cleaning? Did she ever have to worry about medical bills or her husband getting laid off?
If you are a woman and vote Republican, I feel sorry for you. They don't care about you or else they wouldn't be talking about banning contraceptives and abortion and passing bills forcing women to watch videos and get ultrasounds and let doctors lie to them. Not to mention drastic cuts in Medicare, breast cancer detection and research, planned parenthood, and social security benefits.
Does she understand a women's desire for a more forgiving workplace, one where they could both work for pay and have better family lives? Maybe she would like to address the relentless Republican opposition to the Family and Medical Leave Act. How does she feel about Republicans such as Wisconsin’s Walker who tend to look after the interests of men, in, say, being paid more than women with the same job?
I would love to hear her opinions and have her connect with the majority of the women in this country, but I really don't think that is going to happen.
Posted by: Nancy | April 15, 2012 at 04:21 AM
@Mary--not hostile at all. Just saying that as a mom who has always worked outside the home I can't claim to be an expert on being a stay at home mom in the same way Ann Romney isn't an expert on what it is like to work outside the home for money. Mitt Romney says she is his adviser on women's econ issues and I think he should probably look elsewhere.
@Prescott--I was talking about states proposing those bills. Here's a link. http://www.guttmacher.org/media/inthenews/2012/01/05/endofyear.html
As for Ann Romney having help, I didn't say anything about nannies. Let's not pretend Mitt Romney came from nothing and rose up to be a multi-millionaire. His father was also a millionaire so they weren't destitute. Ever. She had plenty of resources and I think it would be pretty disingenuous to say she struggled to make ends meet. She has (multiple) cars, homes, etc. And PLEASE do not equate volunteer work with work experience. Volunteers don't have to worry about losing their job if they have a sick kid that keeps them away from work too much. They don't have to worry about meeting performance standards or risk losing their job. There really isn't the same type of pressure to perform at all.
I totally respect Ann Romney as a stay at home mom and feel that is really a very difficult job. But I certainly don't pretend to be an expert about it since that wasn't the path I chose. She shouldn't claim to be an expert on being a working mother (especially working because you HAVE to not because you want to) since she's never done that.
Posted by: AmyH | April 15, 2012 at 12:24 AM
"since the GOP took office in 2010 they have have introduced 1100 bills that are anti-women"
By the U.S. Congress? Citation please?
"Not only has Ann Romney not worked outside the home a day in her life, she's also a MULTI MILLIONAIRE who had tons of help raising her 5 kids."
Again, citation? From what I've read, as well as heard in an interview with Tagg Romney, Ann did not employ any nannies while raising her children. (Tagg was supposedly born while they were both living in a basement apartment as undergrads at Brigham Young, doesn't seem like they were MULTI MILLIONAIRES at the time.)
I'm not taking any sort of position on this latest ridiculous media created distraction, but if you're going to, at least try to be honest about the facts.
P.S. You know who else has never had a "real job?" Nancy Pelosi! I guess we can write off her opinions on women's issues as well. (I hope you take that in the spirit of how absurd this road can get if we choose to follow it.)
Posted by: prescott | April 14, 2012 at 11:12 PM
I agree with you. I agree with Amy H. I agree with Julie.
I'm very agreeable today.
I wasn't as agreeable (in my head) when I saw a male commenter on a thread try to use the analogy "while I don't have kids myself, it doesn't mean I can't understand the issues that parents have."
Understand doesn't equal policy expertise. Which of course one can compensate for; no one knows everything. Obama has military advisors, as he should. Romney, however presented his wife as his working families advisor. This is not an attack on Anne Romney. At all. But Mitt might want to rethink that tactic.
Posted by: Mom101 | April 14, 2012 at 11:07 PM
AmyH, it doesn't seem like she had tons of help:
http://www.theatlanticwire.com/politics/2012/04/other-war-moms-no-nanny-no-maid-romney-home/51142/
It seems like she worked very hard for her family (and was also involved in a lot of charity work and other unpaid "jobs" outside the home).
Why so hostile?
Posted by: Mary | April 14, 2012 at 10:52 PM
You and I have chatted about this already. As a veteran myself, I feel a kinship with those who've also served - like John McCain - and a distaste for those who actively avoided serving (Bill Clinton, Mitt Romney).
It's fair to be skeptical about anybody's experience (or lack thereof) and the impact it might have on their policy guidance and decisions. If Ann Romney made it her mission to connect with women across the income spectrum and report diligently on her findings, I could respect that. But if her only qualification - and her only source of information - regarding economic matters involving women is that she's a woman...that's problematic.
Posted by: Julie Marsh | April 14, 2012 at 11:51 AM
I think this whole fake outrage from the GOP on these comments is meant to hide the fact that since the GOP took office in 2010 they have have introduced 1100 bills that are anti-women. I agree with the sentiment (not the wording) Rosen was making. Not only has Ann Romney not worked outside the home a day in her life, she's also a MULTI MILLIONAIRE who had tons of help raising her 5 kids. It's not the shared experience most other moms have had. So to put her out there as her husbands economic adviser when it comes to women's issues is just laughable.
Instead of trying to create a mommy war where there shouldn't be one why don't they work to help all moms rather than hurt us? We're all in this together no matter what path we've taken in life.
Posted by: AmyH | April 14, 2012 at 08:36 AM