Anti-social Media

I'm pretty sure social media has made me a shitty listener. 

Perhaps even a little socially awkward. 

I am in the business of oversharing, though quite tempered (contrary to popular belief). And I spend my days pumping out information at a fairly rapid pace because it's my job. And I like it. 

I take in other peoples' business as well, in small snippets thanks to a limited group of people I follow on Twitter and my now "open-for-business" Facebook friend list because I'm nosy. 

I'm a nosy, information junkie. 

But now when I'm around people, real live people that are not talking to me in 140 characters or less, and don't need to tag their location because they are right next to me, it's weird. 

Is it weird that it's weird? I think so. 

I've always been a fairly social person and enjoy the company of actual people, not just virtual people, or even actual virtual people, but lately I find myself doing what I do on social media outlets in real life. 

Here'swhatI'vebeendoingandlookatmyphotosanddidyoureadthisfunnypostandyouwon'tbelievethis videothatIsaw. 

Breathe. 

 Flip, scroll, slide, refresh, repeat. 

I understand that at many levels, sharing helps connect us with other people, but at what point do you end up sounding like a little kid who's all "Look Mommy, see Mommy, LOOK AT ME MOMMY DID YOU SEE WHAT I JUST DID?" 

And you nod and look past the kid (don't lie because you totally do this) and you're like "that's so cool, dear" but you have no idea what they actually did only you hope it wasn't dusting your entire living room with gold bond powder. 

That actually happened though for the record I was not given the privilege of the "LOOK MOMMY" before the powdering occurred. 

Social media is a conversation, at least, the perceived value is conversation, some of which is completely fabricated, forced, and faked, not necessarily by me but by sponsors, and brands, and Q1 WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WAY TO CLIP YOUR TOENAILS?

No we don't really want to talk about our toe nails but Prizes! and R/Ts = followers! And followers mean that I get to put the "MY KID HAS MORE FOLLOWERS THAN YOUR KID ON TWITTER" bumper sticker on my car.

And some of it is authentic, though the lines are blurry these days. 

Do you ever look at what you post and tweet and pin? Do you wonder if people really give a shit? Do you ponder what sort of need it fulfills for you to tell all your how-many followers that you can't find the milk for your cereal?

WILL THEY BE ABLE TO HELP YOU FIND IT? 

I'm trying to remember what it was like to listen. As in really listen. To myself, my friends, my kids. 

My husband. 

I don't deny that social media outlets can help foster real, legitimate relationships. It also pays my bills.

But much of it is a series of inconsequential, meaningless interactions that we wouldn't otherwise engage in. 

We're funny and quippy. We LOL! Or so we type. 

But then in real life, not IRL because we don't have to type and we're not limited to characters, it's different. 

The names, faces, conversations, and interactions are what drive us as human beings. And if we're just stuck at the surface, pushing our own blather out over a loudspeaker, we might just be missing out.

Or in the least, we might end up looking like the annoying "look at me" kid. And our kids, our spouses, our friends aka the really awesome cool people in our lives who have wonderful things to share. 

They're moving on to someone who'll actually take the time to engage in a two-way conversation. 

No retweets, likes, or stumbles required.  

Comments

[more instagram followers free]

I'm around people, real live people that are not talking to me in 140 characters or less

[Sierra]

I have to say, this is exactly the reason why I haven't used my Facebook in, oh lord, months. And I've made it a serious commitment to never, ever letting the child I might one day have, have a computer schedule and no live TV. I'm raising that kid on DVDs of Monty Python. I know I can't keep this media-saturated culture of all talking and no real reception away from a child forever, but damn it, maybe I can keep it away for some of the formative years. I pray I can, anyway.

[Sarahviz]

This is an awesomely good reminder for all of us in social media.

[Joanmarie]

I thought that the "whole look at me" thing was the entire point of this... It's why I read your blog, because you are screaming "look at me!" It's quite entertaining, but one day girl, I am afraid you are so going to regret much of this. What we do and say in life, even here has consequences. Your children will one day see these things.

[Kim Tracy Prince]

Wow. It seems like you just pulled that right out of my head. I was thinking about how I've been getting so much worse at small talk because I use all my words on the computer. I'm turning into a socially awkward person. That's so weird for me. There must be a cream for that...

[Deb]

I'm grateful for this, Kristen. It took balls to write. AND while I was typing this response my son took a header into his beanbag. Fortunately, no blood. But. Yeah. Numero Uno mom over here, ignoring my child for the sake of talking to my online friends.

It's difficult. And important. And weird to be social when you're used to the internet version. Yeah. Yep.

[Stephanie aka Scattermom]

I can't twitter. I just can't. I'll try participating for a day or two, but the commercials send me back to my safe facebook hole.

Twitter = hawk
Me= Fluffy bunny

Pinterest is becoming the same way-- "oh, newest social media tool-- best follower response/exposure" has turned it 500 pages of "popular things that will make people pin/follow you". And *that* is muddying up my access to the creative projects, or centuries worth of really useful housewifery tips that I scoffed at learning from Grandma on my way to my women's studies/feminism classes.

As it turns out, you really can clean almost everything with baking soda, vinegar and lemon juice. Like clean it well, without participating. For like a dime.

THIS is the information I need-- not another motivational quote on weight loss (hint: weight loss not achieved on pinterest). :D

But I also think that ALL bloggers (myself included) are LOOK AT MEs. Isn't that sort of the point?

[The New Girl]

I get what you're saying and I think it's important. But I don't think you're a bad friend or a shitty listener. I think you're busy, with a lot of work to do [online.] I climbed back into the internet to comment, lest you think *I* agreed with your sentiments.

I'm half-way to the total cost of my Scooba, though, I can tell you THAT. So. You know.

[Annie @One Flew Over the Playpen]

FOR REALS! This morning as we both stared at multiple screens over breakfast, my husband stopped to tell me about an article and I shushed him because I didn't want him to interrupt my Facebook stalking. Pathetic. I need to do better. Thanks for the push.

[Redneck Mommy]

I've struggled with this and I like to think I've found my balance. I think. What I struggle with now, is the people who I've invested time with online, cultivating what felt like a real relationship to me, only to learn they didn't feel the same way and would much rather try and 'collect' people on the net. I often forget that not everyone uses their social media the way that I do. Bah.

[Rachel Blaufeld]

Lately - I feel like lunch is just too long of a commitment - ha!
The balance - we are all looking for it...let me know if you find it.

[Karen]

Fight with the Hubs recently centered around how much time I spend online. It's an easy lure to interact with people when you are home all day with little people. Before social media, when Girl was a baby, I was lost. I think that was a memory that drew me to social media.

However, after our little "come to Jesus" meeting with each other about our online time (Me: Twitter, him: Reddit) we pulled back and agreed that our family and IRL friends matter more.

[Kristen]

Amen to this. Social media is like so many things . . . fine in moderation, but harmful if uused too much. I've found some amazing friends via my online network, but I'll confess that I've also alienated a few real-life friends as a result.

The other day, I was playing with my daughter and she said, "You can go back to your computer now." OUCH. I'm trying to find a better balance.

[My Little Otter]

This is why I hate Twitter. I felt like I was watching 1000 commercials at break-neck speed, all while drunk and popping pills faster than a Hollywood starlet.

I get enough "look at me!" during the day from the kids.

Besides-- if the Internets have taught me anything--- is that I would much rather be successful in LIFE (aka, have a good family/marriage/life) than be successful on Twitter.

Sometimes, it seems, people need to put down the social media and realize that the real lives around them are crumbling.

[{sue}]

I find that I don't seek out IRL friends and friendships because I have my online relationships, some of which are real relationships and some (most) are with people who might never even notice if I disconnected one day and never came back. I'm realizing more and more that this is something I need to change. (Or balance, anyway.)

[Julie Marsh]

BOOM.

I expect I'll be thinking about this much of the day. Probably longer than that.

[sweetney]

"I don't deny that social media outlets can help foster real, legitimate relationships. It also pays my bills.

But much of it is a series of inconsequential, meaningless interactions that we wouldn't otherwise engage in."

THIS. Just THIS.

Real relationships are hard. They take real effort, time, listening… work. I think what happens on Twitter (or to a lesser extent Facebook) is kind of degrading the meaning of words like 'relating' and 'sharing'. There's just no There there, yanno?

I am an old lady though, and am likely more curmudegonly than most. But I feel what you're saying here so hard. xo

[Shannon Entin]

Years ago I lost a friend because I emailed her that I hate talking on the phone and she could pretty much stay up to date with my life by reading my blog or Facebook. I didn't mean it the way it came out, but nonetheless, the relationship never recovered. Since then, I try to post things that I would want to have an actual conversation about in real life. And when I see people, we often do have that conversation. I try really hard to share useful info that I think my friends/family/followers will appreciate so it's not all LOOK AT ME! Yes, I do a fair amount of navel-gazing and "how cute is my kid?", but I try make it meaningful.

[Chelle]

I actually blocked most of the people I know IRL from my Twitter account. There were many many reasons for this (mostly work related). I tend to try talking about the latest movie I've seen or want to see and what book I'm sticking my nose in when out and about. My friends tend to have tons of drama so I get updated on all of that. Focus on others when you're out especially if they read/follow/like&+1 you.