Turning my Momolutions into momillions

A few weeks ago, I got an email asking me about my Momolutions for 2012. We moms are so special that we get our own kind of resolutions.

Now really, just because I pushed four kids out of my vagina doesn't mean I need special treament aka ridiculous names of things that don't need to be renamed.

I'm more than happy to accept a closer parking spot at the grocery store or a free coffee at Starbucks for every 12 that I buy as a thank you for the service my vagina has provided to this earth.

Hell, just don't make any stupid comments to me when I'm out with my children and I'd be most grateful.

I don't momosas, momicures, or anything else fancy like that.

But that doesn't mean I won't be snatching up those urls faster than you can say Momtreprenuer! So, I did a little research to see what was left because clearly this is the million dollar idea.

Of course, Momfluential, Momformation, Momversation, and Mominatrix are all taken.

Bastards.

Babble.com recently launched MomCrunch, which just makes me hungry any time I see it. Maybe they'll let me buy it and turn it into a mom-friendly breakfast site.

I'm sort of bummed Momopoly.com was taken; do we all go to jail instead of passing go so we get a break from the kids?

Mominions.com would the perfect name for a blog that's full of moms sharing their thoughts about stuff that has to do with being a mom. Good thing no one's thought of that! Though, I'd suggest a well-placed hyphen "Mo-Minions.com" and make it a sort of "Match.com" site to help connect moms with more servants and lowly people they can boss around.

Coming soon: Momnastics.com, a new exercise-slash-sport craze that involves doing flips and tricks to get our kids to do normal, everyday things, like eat food and get dressed.

Momlete.com could highlight mom athletes who run marathons 3 weeks post partum and nurse at the water stops.

Think poops in the tub. Sharpie on the carpet. Or where people can go to vote on the embarrassing fashion missteps of anonymous women with kids. What a Momtastrophe! dot com.

You don't need a vacation, you need a Momcation. Where there are no children. Only naked Ryan Reynolds serving you drinks. Off his tight abs. Or ass.

Don't even try to buy Momasaurus.com, the new online meeting place for moms who are also paleontologists. Or first-time moms over 50.

How is Momstrosity.com still available?

Momoarders, the new show featuring moms who won't let go of their baby stuff. Then when they do, they get pregnant.

Momgasm might be taken, but stay tuned for the new site Momsturbation.com. Tagline: "Offering a helping hand when you need it most" with images of hot shirtless men doing dishes.

So what am I missing?

Comments

[Asianmommy]

Momcation sounds good to me!

[Rita Arens]

What would I do if I didn't have you to talk about pushing things out of your vagina? This made me laugh.

[Chris]

Those are some classic names! I really like the momstrosity one!

[Kami]

momiacal.com for moms who are teetering on the edge and need a quick reality check. And great recipes!

[Babs]

MOMvicts- those moms who made good on their threat to leave their children at the store if they kept running off....only to find out that it is illegal to do so.

[KB]

What about MOMen noodles, that versatile pasta budget-conscious moms can serve several times a week in different variations so they can take the savings to feed their Starbucks habit?

[Karen]

MomBC - Mom Broadcasting Corp. "Mommm-Beee-Ceee. The more you breed."

[Julie Marsh]

I think Mom101 and I are both hungry too. Let's talk momstrosities over lunch, shall we?

[Julia Magnusson @ It's Not Like a Cat]

Momtemplations, for philosopher moms.

[Mom101]

And I thought a momlete would be delicious with feta and spinach and a side of crispy bacon. But wait...whose eggs would they use?

[Marty Coleman, The Napkin Dad]

You missed revoMOMtions for the mothers in the Arab Spring who want to revolt while pregnant, EncycloMOMedia for those know-it-all moms who want to know other know-it-all moms. PomMOM for former cheerleaders who want to relive their glory years and TraumaMAMA for those ER doctors who have vaginas.