A few weeks ago, I got an email asking me about my Momolutions for 2012. We moms are so special that we get our own kind of resolutions.
Now really, just because I pushed four kids out of my vagina doesn't mean I need special treament aka ridiculous names of things that don't need to be renamed.
I'm more than happy to accept a closer parking spot at the grocery store or a free coffee at Starbucks for every 12 that I buy as a thank you for the service my vagina has provided to this earth.
Hell, just don't make any stupid comments to me when I'm out with my children and I'd be most grateful.
I don't momosas, momicures, or anything else fancy like that.
But that doesn't mean I won't be snatching up those urls faster than you can say Momtreprenuer! So, I did a little research to see what was left because clearly this is the million dollar idea.
Babble.com recently launched MomCrunch, which just makes me hungry any time I see it. Maybe they'll let me buy it and turn it into a mom-friendly breakfast site.
I'm sort of bummed Momopoly.com was taken; do we all go to jail instead of passing go so we get a break from the kids?
Mominions.com would the perfect name for a blog that's full of moms sharing their thoughts about stuff that has to do with being a mom. Good thing no one's thought of that! Though, I'd suggest a well-placed hyphen "Mo-Minions.com" and make it a sort of "Match.com" site to help connect moms with more servants and lowly people they can boss around.
Coming soon: Momnastics.com, a new exercise-slash-sport craze that involves doing flips and tricks to get our kids to do normal, everyday things, like eat food and get dressed.
Momlete.com could highlight mom athletes who run marathons 3 weeks post partum and nurse at the water stops.
Think poops in the tub. Sharpie on the carpet. Or where people can go to vote on the embarrassing fashion missteps of anonymous women with kids. What a Momtastrophe! dot com.
You don't need a vacation, you need a Momcation. Where there are no children. Only naked Ryan Reynolds serving you drinks. Off his tight abs. Or ass.
Don't even try to buy Momasaurus.com, the new online meeting place for moms who are also paleontologists. Or first-time moms over 50.
How is Momstrosity.com still available?
Momoarders, the new show featuring moms who won't let go of their baby stuff. Then when they do, they get pregnant.
Momgasm might be taken, but stay tuned for the new site Momsturbation.com. Tagline: "Offering a helping hand when you need it most" with images of hot shirtless men doing dishes.
So what am I missing?