Post Partum Panty syndrome
Last week, I drove my husband's car to run some errands alone, a rare and much-appreciated occasion around my neck of the woods. So, when I went to pop the groceries in the back seat, I found these:
Now, it's not every day that you find gigantic, tattered, maternity underpants in your husband's back seat. Especially when they are not yours.
So I just left them there, you know, the underwear that is not mine, because, well, ew, I was not going to pick them up. And because I was sure that my husband has a very good reason for having underwear that is not mine in the backseat.
And if he didn't, well I kind of felt bad for whoever is wearing those, or was wearing those.
If you want a girl who wears those big panties, then have it it, mister.
Though based on their current state, they must have had some rip-roaring fun.
Get it? Rip?
I didn't think much about it again until Shannon (aka Mr. Lady) tweeted this:
Which made me think of the panties I found in my husband's car, so I replied:
And then I decided to take a picture of them, and ask my husband about them, and well, let's just say that it was made clear that I have Post Partum Panty syndrome, as identified by the five well-documented stages:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Blame
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
Yep. They're mine people. All mine.
Though they say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. (And heading straight for Victoria's Secret where they should offer you a no-questions-asked trade in program).
My name is Kristen. And I used to wear gigantic maternity underpants.
This is SO funny and very true!
Posted by: Maternity Underwear | January 23, 2012 at 12:43 PM
I had to share a recent convo with my hubs that made me think of this.
Me: (opening medicine cabinet) Why do you have hemorrhoid cream?
Hubs: Uh, that's yours.
Me: Ew, I never had hemorrhoids!
Hubs: Ummm, you don't rem....errr...ummm...after baby...
Me: Gross! It's definitely yours.
I too have blocked certain memories.
Posted by: Anne | January 02, 2012 at 11:37 AM
When I came home from out of town for a weekend and found a few of these super curly, thick hairs in my shower...I flipped out. WHO HAS BEEN IN MY SHOWER?! My husband laughed and assured me they were mine. Ha! I have straight brownish-black hair, and the strands are not THAT thick. After a few days of wondering, I ran my fingers through my hair and a thick, curly strand fell out. I started looking and, sure enough, mixed in with my straight hair...were some random ones like I found in the shower. Oh well. I was about 4 months post-partum. Pregnancy does weird shit to your hair!
Posted by: Undomesticated Housewife | December 31, 2011 at 12:36 PM
I laughed. But I wish you would all stop saying "panties."
Posted by: RookieMom Whitney | December 30, 2011 at 10:47 PM
I didn't wear maternity underpants. But only because that would have been even more material to go crawling up my ass.
Posted by: KB | December 29, 2011 at 11:07 AM
I tried maternity underwear and went back to bikini underwear immediately. They made my belly itch like crazy. But funny you should be writing about them as I cleaned out my underwear drawer two days ago and threw away three pair of 11 yr old maternity underwear.
Posted by: IzzyMom | December 29, 2011 at 12:03 AM
A little sex to the ay. Yup yup.
Posted by: Julie | December 28, 2011 at 12:26 PM
Keeping them around is probably a good plan should you ever have one of those hugely unsexy days.
Posted by: Amanda | December 28, 2011 at 12:12 PM
I'm now on high alert for monstrous panties to spontaneously appear...in the car, in the dryer, perhaps even under Kyle's pillow.
Posted by: Julie Marsh | December 28, 2011 at 11:00 AM
But the real question is "Why were they in the backseat of his car??"
Posted by: Maria | December 28, 2011 at 09:19 AM
Oh, Kristen, you poor thing. Though I think it's funny that you thought your husband might be having rough s*x in the back seat of his car with a pregnant lady. HE CAN'T GET ENOUGH.
I once took the girls swimming at my (SAHD) neighbor's house while HUGELY pregnant with D. I changed into a maternity suit in their bathroom but when we left, I just threw my summer dress over my bulk and headed home. His wife came home from work and found my bra and ENORMOUS white pregnancy BRIEFS on the floor of their bathroom. I got a call a little later: "Uh, I think you left your underwear here". {{died slow death}}
Posted by: Fairly Odd Mother | December 28, 2011 at 08:28 AM
Aren't all maternity panties huge and ugly? I hate the women who never wore them when pregnant. It is just not fair.
Posted by: secret mom thoughts | December 28, 2011 at 08:16 AM
Post Partum Panty Syndrome. Shoot, I'm pretty sure I had that. There are drugs for it, but the best thing to do is stay in the denial stage.
Also, yoga.
Posted by: Mom101 | December 28, 2011 at 07:45 AM