A few days ago I couldn't find my shoes. My new, one-time worn TOMS that, as you can see, should not be easy to lose.
We're a shoes-off-in-the-house type family, with a gigantic plastic bin by our front door that we use to hold all the many shoes you might imagine four kids might have. Or, at least, four kids of a shoe addict.
Since my husband and I can usually only fit one pair of shoes in the bin, ours generally end up next to it, or somewhat near it, for the most part, save the times when I'm home alone with all the kids and in my haste I dump them in a kitchen corner or by the garage door. Never in a spot where people could trip over them. And certainly not in a place, like on a dinner plate or on his pillow, where someone should be bothered by them.
So after searching around for a good ten minutes, I asked my husband where my shoes were and he proceeded to tell me that he had put them in the garage.
And by put, he meant "carelessly tossed them the fuck out of this house" because I found not just one but two pairs of my TOMS in the garage, not neatly placed on the steps (which still, WTF?) but tossed. Angrily.
To which I sort of lost it a little, not because I actually care that my shoes, my nice moderately expensive shoes, are on the ground of our garage, after probably being smacked against the car wheels.
But because not only were they not in his way whatsoever but because he leaves his shoes out all the time. And his suitcase. And his backpack. And his dirty laundry. And...
You get the idea.
And I step over them. Or look at them and sigh. Or move them. Or just put them away. All without being one ounce of an asshole about it.
So I made note of such, in a not so pleasant manner, which was made worse by the fact that he completely denies it "WHAT IS THIS LAUNDRY YOU SPEAK OF?" and then left the house for an impromptu night out, at which point I returned home to find the laundry of which I spoke mysteriously in the hamper.
Good thing, because I was about to give my TOMS a little company in the garage.
OMG! Every single post of yours makes me crack up!!! Thank you!
Posted by: Tia G | November 26, 2011 at 03:20 AM
My husband would have been too lazy to pick up my shoes and put them else where, so consider your self lucky (kidding!) There was the one time he picked up after me when i got home late from work (in the beginning of our marriage) so i must have been having am affair right if i get home at 730? Well i came home to find all my clothes, vacuum and arificial christmas tree on the from lawn.
Posted by: jodi hansen | November 17, 2011 at 10:37 AM
I simply leave his clothes exactly where he left it. Just close my eyes and grit my teeth. I just love it when he asks me why he has no clean clothes. If its not in the bin it will NOT be washed. Simple
Posted by: Ann | November 15, 2011 at 09:46 AM
SubMommy hit the nail on my head. My husband's standards for the rest of the house are so much higher than for himself. Even to the extent that he BLAMES our cluttering ways for him leaving his shit everywhere. Like he was some meticulous psycho before he got himself a wife and kids. PuhLEASE! Ugh, they're all dicks.
Posted by: Katie | November 09, 2011 at 02:59 PM
What is so freaking difficult about just asking a person to please move the shoes? We bought new ottomans with trays to replace our broken coffee table recently, and my husband took to pulling one of the three close to the couch so he could eat. Then, he'd just leave it like that all crooked and out of line. Drove me trucknutz! So, after about a week of me putting it back in place I told him it drives me trucknutz and could he please put it back in place. He does now, ya know, like an adult.
Posted by: Olivia | November 09, 2011 at 09:32 AM
Also, just have to say that it tickles me that China Wholesale Products is leaving you spam encouraging comments!
Posted by: JennyOH | November 08, 2011 at 04:33 PM
Ugh, mark me down as another one who wants to strangle her husband over this sort of thing. Our daughter has this little pink water bottle. For some reason, according to my husband said water bottle should never, ever EVER EVER EVER go in the sink. Ever. Why not? Who knows, but he's willing to have a screaming rage fit about it if I put it there. So what does he do when he picks her water bottle up off the floor last night?
That's right. Puts it right in the sink. While I'm watching. Seriously?
Posted by: JennyOH | November 08, 2011 at 04:32 PM
I love reading things like this, it makes me feel like my husband and I are normal - except mine would never put his clothes in the hamper he would continue to deny that his clothes were anywhere other then where they are supposed to be.
Posted by: Melanie | November 08, 2011 at 09:34 AM
Where's the photo of his drawers, sitting abandoned in front of the toilet? That ought to settle this business.
Posted by: Julie Marsh | November 07, 2011 at 08:47 PM
You know, this is a familiar song for me. I'm always amazed that he can get freaky about a few papers on the kitchen island, while opening an envelope and then leaving it on the same kitchen island.
These kinds of struggles have been the Achilles heel of our relationship. One day, after a nasty disagreement full of stony silences and harumph-ing, I said, "You have a different standard for me than you do for yourself. You get mad when I have a pile of bills and to-do's next to the computer, but in the same breath you open a piece of mail and leave the envelope on the same counter. The recycling is *right* next to you. That's what overwhelms me."
So - I get it. I've put his shoes sole-side down on his pillow before. The camping box full of dusty camping gear on his side of the bed after it sat out for a week. *I get it.* Am I perfect? Uh, no. However, it amazes me that he can see everything but his own stuff.
Posted by: Karen (SubMommy) | November 07, 2011 at 08:28 PM
I know I shouldn't be laughing--but this plays itself out in our house regularly--shoes/laundry--OMG why can't you put the dishes in the sink?!?!
Posted by: The Dalai Mama | November 07, 2011 at 02:55 PM