It's all in the numbers

Maybe it's a suburban thing, but a day doesn't go by where I don't see people driving around with one of those "13.1" or "26.2" stickers on their car.

In theory, they don't really bother me. I've run a couple of half-marathons myself, and while I don't feel compelled to tell everyone that with a somewhat cryptic sticker on my car, I understand the pride that goes with that accomplishment.

But after seeing one that said "70.3" yesterday (which what is that exactly - a run, a bike ride, the grade you got on your freshman biology exam?), I think they're getting a little less "Yay me! I ran a really long time and may have shit my pants and walked a lot but I can now officially put this great sticker on my car!" and more like "When you were sitting around sucking down a Venti Whole Milk Caramel Macchiato, I ran a lot you lazyass."

Or maybe that's just me.

Either way, I'm officially sick of them. And really, what greater accomplishment is there than having a kid?

So I've decided to start a line of my very own, just for moms:

Comments

[Move it MOM]

Oh yes there is one more that we probably can't count... How many times we say I love you?

Patti

[Kristin]

Wow, these numbers are fascinating! And 49.8 pounds gained is a lot! Pregnancy weight really adds up over the 9 months. If you or your readers are looking for a way to lose the last few pounds from pregnancy, you may be interested in an Eating Made Easy membership. You can take online classes to learn to best ways to lose all the pregnancy weight.

[elz]

Love it. I think I told my husband I'd cut them off/blame him for putting me in labor at least 72 times!

[Jennifer G.]

Love, love, love this. I loath those damn stickers and the ones that say how smart your kids are, etc. Ugh!

[Amelia Vierra]

OMG, these are brilliant. Sign me up for one of the 57.4 stickers. I would like to also order a "3- Number of inches that everything sags post-pregnancy" sticker.

[Nadia]

24982566.4. The number of seconds I spent pregnant and miserable!

[sandy peters]

Adoption forms? I thought you delivered all four of your children? I had four bio kiddos and then adopted four.

[clearlyinpired]

I love it!

[Marta]

I love this. I also have never understood the cryptic numbers or letters of countries? cities? places I have no idea what/where they are? on people's cars.

The most important figure: infinity amount of time spent caring for, worrying about, loving your children.

[Lindsay Cresta]

This is awesome I was laughing out loud at my desk. All moms deserve some kind of sticker! I suppose it is hard to run a marathon I don't know I can't run a mile but all I know is when it's over it's over and they get to celebrate. After labor you get to celebrate but the marathon has just begun. I will take 10K for the number of times I puked my guts up during both my pregnancies

[Greg]

36.5 - hours of holding my wife's hand while she swore "this was it."
50 - laps walking around the block to see if, in fact, "this was it."
6 - cokes stolen from the nurses lounge on delivery night.
3 - Twix bars same way.
19.4 - minutes of pure shock and disbelief as to how in the hell I got myself into this and now I'm a freaking Dad conversation with myself in the basement of the hospital because I took the wrong elevator to go get some air after delivery.
1 - car ride home of pure pride. Still hasn't been topped.

[Kristen Werden]

Well, I'll be damned. I thought those were stations on satellite radio.

[Leandra]

I've been thinking about getting one of those 13.1 stickers because that's about how much I run in a week. Nobody said it had to be done at one time, right?

[Team Suzanne]

I will not even attempt to match wits with this funny post. You win, hands down. I know, it's not a competition. I can't help it. It's how I'm wired.

Surrioulsy--my mental machinations are not about new versions of such a number sticker, because I'm not that creative. Instead, I'm daydreaming about putting just one of these on my car and the "behind me in traffic" laughter it would generate. I'd feel like freaking Robin Hood--bringing the good stuff to the people!

[Chandra]

Love the public rationalization of my muffin top thanks to my 2 C-sections....I think my number is closer to 25, but I'm so stealing the rest!

[Birdie]

120 minutes of active pushing a baby out of my vagina.

"Too many to count" -- number of stitches to stitch up my perineum.

[RookieMom Whitney]

I'm telling my readers. Well done.

4 = what floor of the hospital parking lot my husband parked on, not realizing the proper thing to do with a woman in active labor is drive her to the front door of the hospital.

9.5 = number of centimeters dilated I stalled at for half a day before having a c-section

35 = number of letters in my most frequently used vocabulary word every morning, "getdressedbrushyourteethmakeyourbed". Also? 35 = number of times I say that word each morning.

[The Mommy Therapy]

Love these. I definitely think you could market these. I think a little props for all the Mommas out there that might be exactly what we all need.

If I happened to ever get some sort of brain injury though and think running a marathon or half marathon, I might have to shout it from the roof tops....or the back of my car.

Thanks for the laughs!

[Ivy]

I just made a sticker on makestickers.com. It reads: Haven't slept since 2009. Drive accordingly!

[Kristie Bleers]

Thanks for the laughs! I laughed out loud!

[Dianne]

How about 650, the number of consecutive cold suppers I've had, or 150, the number of people who ask me if my twins are identical. Seriously, they are one of each...think people!

[Maile]

I need one for 43 hours of annoying as fuck pitocin induced contractions before my baby needed to be sucked out of my cooter with a vacuum...

[Jessica Ashley]

When you are ready for the off-shoot divorce line of these, please let me know. My brain has been cranking on those all day long! In the meantime, can we please add:

746
the number of times I've politely smiled when a pregnant lady goes on and on about how her life won't change a bit once she has that baby.

[lisa]

let's see I had a 39, 40 and 24 hour labors. I'd like one for each. I am proud.

[Stacia]

I love the c-section one. I feel like I need to explain why it seems like my entire body is fighting an intense battle with gravity even though I'm only 24. *sigh*

[The New Girl]

BWAAHAHAHAAAA!!

I want one that says:

154856254
times I've fucking watched the movie Cars

Get on that one, please, and I'll buy one for my sister, too.

[Barb Ruess]

Too funny - I have earned those car stickers but they annoy the crap out of me too. Your venting versions are far better!

[Elizabeth]

Brilliant! I would add:

1.2
Hours of consecutive sleep a night with three children under age 10.

[Marissa]

I love them all. I was only in labor with the first kid for 27 hours... but I'll take it anyway! Thanks for making me laugh. It's so good to know none of us is alone.

[Olivia]

That's what those stickers are about? I thought it was some special parking tag. *shrug*

I like your stickers better. Mine will say 36.1 for 36 hours of labor and 1 c-section scar.

[The Dalai Mama]

The 70.3 is a half-iron man. I don't know what it says about me that I know that.

Thanks for throwing in the adoption one--as an adoptive mom, I appreciate that.

I'd like to add 23 hours of flying with a baby who wonders "who the hell are you?"

[Diana]

These are hilarious, but I also admit to wanting desperately to earn a 13.1 AND a 26.2.

[Deb Rox]

Perfect!

[Amy]

F'ing brilliant. Seriously you rock. I want all of them!!

[JennyOH]

Nicole, I totally agree about the family member stickers. I seem to recall reading an article talking about how they are such a bad idea because it's like a big sign that says "Hey potential child molesters/abductors, there are three small kids associated with this car! Oh, you want a couple of talking points to put them at ease? Two of them play soccer, and they own a dog and a cat." Scaremongering maybe, but still...

Also, I need one of those no-sleep stickers.

[Amelia Sprout]

Hell yes! I would like one for the following:
1 and 5. Number of episiotomies I had after the epidural wore off and number of stitches I then had to get also without the benefit of pain meds.

[Julie Marsh]

I'll take the c-section one. It will go nicely next to the 70.3 when I finish the half Ironman next summer.

[Lindsay Dianne]

no, no, no.. parents only get the honor student stickers. Otherwise we're pretentious birthers.

[mamawelters]

These are awesome. I would buy them all AND all of the suggested ones. And then I would buy a few more sets to hand out to my mama friends. Seriously, nothing against runners, but these are GREAT!

[Karen]

100k
Approximately how much college will cost.

[Nicole]

Those stickers irritate me too. And the family member stickers. I guess I'm as highly irritable as Kelly.

How about "36: Number of months since I've slept through the night so don't swerve in front of me without signalling for the love of God"

[Cheryl @ That's What Che Said]

I'd like to purchase the C-Section stitches one. Why the hell does that result in a muffin top??? How the hell am I supposed to "excercise" that away down there??? Love these! Thanks for making my morning!

[Redneck Mommy]

LOVE IT. WANT.

[MainlineMom]

Love it! Although as soon as I started running and finished my first 5K this year, I suddenly "got" the whole sticker trend. I would love to earn my 13.1 sticker, but you won't find it on my car.

[Amanda]

I might add on about stranger fondling my belly or asking my weight.

[SM]

I'd like to know where I can buy those stickers please. I have no ill will towards the runners but I'd really like to high five the moms who have to leave work to go care for a sick kid. Is there a stickers for that? What about one for doing 3 the loads of laundry in between cooking dinner, helping with 9th grade math, listening to a book report, running to get poster board (do they sell that by the case?!@) and dealing with the monkey that stole money out of my kids lunch money account.

[ashleigh]

i'm a lurker, but this was funny enough to make me laugh out loud in my offc and post....please market them and hurry before target steals another of your ideas.

[Kelly @ Student of the Year]

Thank you! I thought it was just cynical old me that was irritated by the bragging. I also confess to being tired of the family stickers that show each member, down to the pet, or have the kids' names and a lacrosse stick or soccer ball.

But, again, I am a person that is constantly irritated, so I don't feel like I'm a good spokesperson for what has become an irritating trend.

[The Muskrat]

These would scare me badly enough to give you the right-of-way on I-20 any day.

[kristen howerton]

I will order one of each.

[Katie]

Now THAT'S a product I can get behind. I'll take 1, 2, 3 and 4. And can we add "0, number of times I've been able to take a crap without someone knocking on the door to ask me where their clean socks are"?