I've been going solo for over a week now, with just one short evening of respite before going back on duty in the wee hours of the morning. The end isn't readily in sight.
It's a regular occurrence around here to spend the weekends alone, but when it's a holiday, even if one of them happens to be a Hallmark one, I'm a little more emotional.
I blame it on being a celebrator who's married to a not-so-celebrator, and no matter how much grandeur you provide for everyone else, no one will be able to match it.
I'm the one with the flowers at the violin recital. And the bouquet of balloons stuff in my trunk for a birthday.
Lately, I've been less worried about my own interpretation of events and experiences and more about how my kids see them. I've got two that are old enough now to notice that mom's birthday and Mother's Day aren't a big deal.
And a vacillate between just sucking it up, smiling, and accepting that "we'll celebrate later" which means in 2014 I've got a good week of birthdays and Mother's Day coming to me or getting visibly annoyed because it's not right and I don't want the kids to think that it's okay.
I bandaged my disappointment in spending my Birthother's Day alone without so much as a card from my husband by spoiling the kids at the Super Target toy section.
Later, I made myself cupcakes and icing.
And after a couple of "woe is me" shots of tequila, I decided I was done with all this nonsense and went to bed early, hoping to start today with a rested spirit and a better attitude.
I can't think of a better way to celebrate Mother's Day than with the four little people who made this day more than just any other day.
And really, when I close my eyes and imagine myself in paradise, I'm not sitting alone on a beach with a drink in my hand.
I'm sitting on a beach, drink in hand, with all my kids are right there with me playing in the sand.
Happy Mother's Day!
I read this on Sunday and I was right there with you. I felt guilty, because we were on a vacation, albeit at Jekyll Island visiting his sister and family (who was the only one that got me a card) and so why should I be let down that I didn't get one from my husband on behalf of my preschoolers. But I still felt really down. This is year 4 now of na-da mothers days. I don't really get it, I mean a card and a candy bar would suffice. Instead I had a bad bagel in the hotel lobby and him asking me all day long "What's wrong, are you ok?" Well, no not really, but "I'm fine" was all I could manage because otherwise I was going to scream "HELLO! It's mother's day, you are freaking gone 4 nights a week and I'm soloing this household and working and you didn't buy me a freaking CARD?". I too decided to get over it, but it still sucked.
Next year, don't be suprised if you see a tweet from me wishing you the BEST one EVER!
Posted by: Sarah (Sterling Creek) | May 12, 2011 at 12:36 PM
This means, of course, that your children will make huge "to do"s for your birthday once they are old enough to plan it. You will have the biggest 50th birthday/last 20 years Mother's Day celebration ever...with the BEST goodie bags. Hope he celebrates in some other way once he returns. Completely unrelated, your children are adorable.
Posted by: elz | May 11, 2011 at 11:28 PM
wow just wanted to say i like the way u write and i can really really relate to u ia m the giver the doer and everything nothing gets celebrated at all through out the fmailyor anything if it wasnt for me and then when my day comes everyone sits around like DUH!!! i feel for u hon wishing u a late but very happy relaxing mothers day next time so sorry about your last one that went by mine was quite the same
by the way how do i do a blog here??????
Posted by: Janice Roga | May 11, 2011 at 12:56 PM
Happy Mother's Day!!!! Such anticipation of high expectations... and really it's just another day, but once you close your eyes and look around at the beings that you helped create and carried-- it isn't just another day.
Posted by: Amory | May 09, 2011 at 02:31 PM
This is one of those times when I thank daycare for making a big deal out of holidays, because A is a total non celebrator. I'm lucky to get a birthday card most of the time. Thanks to daycare though, M got really excited about it, and he helped her make me a card. Then he gave me 20 bucks to take her to the farmer's market with me to buy myself flowers.
I say talk to the kids about what day it is, and make them celebrate with you. They will eventually be able to do stuff on their own for you, in spite of him. Then he can be jealous that you're having fun with it and he's left out.
Posted by: A. Sprout | May 09, 2011 at 11:50 AM
I'm so sorry Kristen. I can really feel the hurt in the words. It's so hard to be the person who is so amazing at acknowledging everyone else, and not feeling like you get it back.
I'm glad you got a day with the kids, but I hope that next year, someone else is buying the tequila and someone else is providing the balloons and cake. Even if it's me.
Posted by: mom101 | May 09, 2011 at 09:37 AM
Happy Mother's Day to you!
Posted by: Asianmommy | May 08, 2011 at 06:20 PM
Happy Birthday and Happy Mother's Day! I feel ya sister. My husband is a HUGE non-celebrator yet, every year, I'm surprised and disappointed that he blew it so magnificently. Not sure why, he sucks at this stuff. And forget that I've been talking for weeks about the fact that Mother's Day was approaching. My birthday's next month, should I even bother talking about that?
Posted by: Karen Chatters | May 08, 2011 at 05:25 PM
Happy Mother's Day!!
Posted by: Katie | May 08, 2011 at 05:22 PM
My husband is a celebrator only when he feels like it. It's sort of annoying to say the least. You never know if it's a holiday worth celebrating and how celebrated we're going to get to make it.
Posted by: Valerie | May 08, 2011 at 04:09 PM
I hear you--I'm married to a non-celebrator who comes from a family of non-celebrators. Birthdays and holidays are BIG F'in deals in my family, so it kinda sucks to get presents like a CD stuck inside a potholder (really, I'm NOT kidding!). Add to that my daughter's b-day only two weeks before mine = a lifetime of not having my b-day being celebrated in a big way....
That said, I think you should be open with your kids about how disappointed you are to not have a b-day party/mother's day something, how wouldn't they be sad if they didn't have a party, etc, etc, so that they understand that it's not the way you wish things ought to be and that you wished it were different. I think acceptance and expressing disappointment aren't mutually exclusive. Besides, if your huz is a non-celebrator, someone's gotta pick up the slack, right? :)
Posted by: Kace | May 08, 2011 at 03:36 PM
Happy Birthday and Happy Mother's Day! I feel you. All holidays during deployments suck. Especially when you also sorta suck at being social and therefore are only constantly reminded about the fact that your husband being your best and only friend only works when he's home. I almost cried at the Hibachi when I went to pick up my takeout order that I phoned in, to be told that they don't do that. So, frozen skillet meal hurrah! Happy Mother's Day to us!
Posted by: Emily | May 08, 2011 at 02:07 PM
Happy Birthday and Mom's Day Kristen. I'm a non-celebrator married to a non-celebrator, so it works for us. But I do worry about how my kids perceive it all. We do "surprise" each other with random gifts now and then, but we don't make a huge deal out of any holidays, really. I try to tell myself that we make every day special {*snort*} and the most important thing is that we're together.
Posted by: Shannon {Discipline Project} | May 08, 2011 at 01:22 PM
Happy Mother's Day to you.
Posted by: The Dalai Mama | May 08, 2011 at 11:46 AM
Have also been soloing here for just over a week. But, luckily, married to a celebrator has it's perks. I was directed to a treasure map, which led to a spa certificate, and confirmation that a sitter has been booked for Tuesday. The best part isn't the gift - it's the fact that he planned this all over a week ago right before heading out on an intensive trip.
Unfortunately for him - I'm the non-celebrator in the family. I really need to get my act together.
Posted by: Jac | May 08, 2011 at 10:47 AM
Happy Mother's Day, Kristen!
Posted by: Karl | May 08, 2011 at 10:32 AM
Happy Mother's Day to one of the greatest moms in the world.
May your children behave like angels today and shower you with kisses and crayoned printer paper cards.
(Hey, a mom can dream, right?)
Posted by: Jaelithe | May 08, 2011 at 09:21 AM
I am in a similar boat with being married to a non-celebrator. I feel you pain. As petty as some people find it, I really bothers me. It's no just my birthday and Mother's Day (which I get, "you're not MY mother"), but all holidays; they are meant to be celebrated and enjoyed.
I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day filled with macaroni necklaces and plastic jewels. xo
Posted by: Sam (temptingsam) | May 08, 2011 at 08:49 AM
Oh, Kristen. You are such an incredible person. You don't judge, you always send perfectly pointed supportive notes. I adore you and what you put out into this space. Your closing is spot on, but I still wish unexpected bouquets and trinkets upon you for special days to come.
Here's to sunshine and harmony, if just for a moment.
Posted by: Amanda | May 08, 2011 at 08:42 AM