Last week my mom informed me that she is going to Israel to minister to Holocaust victims. This was after she told me that she'd prefer not to come down and help me out with the kids for my half marathon if she didn't have to because "she hates airports and flying."
Don't worry. I'm getting to the "Holocaust victims" thing. Bear with me.
As it turns out, she took a trip to Sacramento with a friend, had a bad layover experience on the way back, and suddenly she doesn't want to fly unless, well, it's for Jesus apparently.
The weird part (well, one of the weird parts, I should say) is that she flew on the airline that my husband works for, except instead of asking us to help her book a ticket or at least, advise her on which route to take, she did it all herself.
And so, she gave me this whole "well, I'd prefer not to have to come if you don't really need me, so let me know if your husband makes it back from his trip in time for you to do the race so I don't have to come."
So I told her not to worry about it, because, um, what am I supposed to say to that and that we'd figure it out and well, yeah.
Then she sent me an urgent email about needing my kids' social security numbers because she was getting her affairs in order for a mission trip to Israel.
Is she taking a bus to Israel? A boat? A trolley car? Because last I checked, you have to fly there, for like, a really long time.
I put it off for a few days because I was a little annoyed and then after I got the ALL CAPS I NEED THE SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBERS NOW AND IF I TYPE IN CAPS YOU WILL GET THE MESSAGE SO CALL ME CHILD THAT WAS PULLED FROM MY VAGINA WITH TONGS.
So I did. And I was proud. I didn't even mention the whole flying thing once. Not even a joke.
"Is the Lord going to beam you up to Jerusalem?"
Then she told me that as part of her trip she would be ministering to Holocaust victims.
I think I asked her to repeat herself because it might have been the craziest thing I've ever heard.
My head was filled with questions: Aren't they Jewish? They made it through the Holocaust, why would they want to switch Gods? Are you sure that this is a good idea?
Have you completely lost your mind?
There are about 1000 things wrong with this scenario, not including the whole flying thing. But instead of giving her a piece of my mind, I just listened to her.
The trip is booked. I'm not going to change her mind.
And as a newly minted 60-year-old, I figure she's earned the right to do whatever the hell she wants without her offspring giving her a hard time about it.
I'm hoping that the Holocaust victims will do that for me.
[Photo via]
My mom changed religions in a few years ago and it has been a struggle. Every time I hold my tongue I feel a little bit better about myself- especially when her "religion" has a strong emphasis on converting others. Kudos on letting what will be be.
As our parents age often the wisest things we can do is keep our mouths shut. They're old enough that if they don't know better then its time they have another lesson in experience. Things will work or they won't. In the end, its their lives not ours.
(I should add I'm a firm believer in tough love if grandma or grandpa's actions are causing problems in your own family unit. That's a whole 'nother story.)
Posted by: GM | April 17, 2011 at 07:11 PM
Moms are not weired,They just want to spend their few days for their own interest. As they spend their whole life for you now its their turn.
Posted by: Fit Yummy Mummy,Fit Yummy Mummy Review | April 13, 2011 at 09:22 AM
Reading some of the comments here, I feel less alone now in my feeling of sadness about how my children did not have grandparents who were very interested in knowing them while they were growing up. It seemed like everyone had grandpaents who loved being with their grandchildren and mine were basically absent. So I feel less alone about that now.
Posted by: Karen | April 08, 2011 at 09:47 PM
If Hitler didn't get them to renounce Judaism I'm fairly sure your mom will not be more persuasive.
Just a hunch.
Posted by: mom101 | April 08, 2011 at 11:17 AM
Raising our parents is tough work sometimes. We moved about 8 hours away from my family in August, and we've seen them just about every other month. The last time I saw my mom, she was like, "When will I see you again?" I told her when she came to visit us. It was her turn to burn the rubber. In May she will be making her first trip to our new home.
Posted by: Renee | April 07, 2011 at 04:02 PM
Huh? I don't understand her logic. She can fly all the way there, but she can't fly to see your kids?
Epic fail on her part. The survivors don't need her, but you and your kids do. I would never have been able to hold my tongue like you did. Kudos to you. Boo-hiss to me.
Posted by: Eatmisery | April 05, 2011 at 09:14 PM
Wow. Just...wow. Maybe she's going to Israel to refill on the chutzpah she just expended all over you.
Posted by: Nancy [Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas] | April 05, 2011 at 03:23 PM
Yep, reminds me of the way my Grandparents always viewed us: Babies are adorable, kids are brats!
Posted by: nausea during pregnancy | April 05, 2011 at 12:38 PM
My 60 year old mother recently went on a "ministry" trip. I, too, held my tongue. Moms are weird.
Posted by: suzie | April 05, 2011 at 10:36 AM
As a grandmother I have to tell you how much I admire your ability to not tell your mother what she should do. Yes, we do goofy things but we hate having our children bring it to our attention. Yes, we need to remember that respect is a two way street and I will try not to second guess your decisions as well. What I can not understand is why a grandmother wouldn't want to spend as much time as possible with her grandchildren. I have 4 grandchildren and even though 3 of them live quite a distance from me I try to see them at least every other month. I send them surprises in the mail, and will spend two weeks next month with the 3 of them while their parent vacation. I just returned from a week at Disney with all four. I want them to have memories of how much their grandmother loved them when I am gone. I have those memories of my grandparents and I am so grateful. My relationship with my grandparents was entirely different from that with my parents and I am so grateful. Your mom is missing out on something very special. Oh, well. Thinking of you and wishing you the best
Posted by: carosgram | April 05, 2011 at 10:02 AM
Julie - She's getting her affairs in order...
Posted by: Kristen | April 04, 2011 at 04:20 PM
I'm very concerned about her needing your children's social security numbers for her trip to Israel.
WHY?
Posted by: julie @ Mommy Said What? | April 04, 2011 at 03:30 PM
My kids could barely pick either grandmother out of a line up. One can't travel and lives an ocean away. The other is a snowbird and I live (sort of) in the middle. Yeah, at 80+ she's earned the right to do whatever she wants. And I reserve my right to think she is making poor choices. She's not going to get the years she's missed with my kids back. I just hate that my kids have no grandparents.
Posted by: ClumberKim | April 04, 2011 at 02:38 PM
We live only 5 minutes away from my MIL and she has not spent any quantity (or quality) of time with my children since July of last year. However in that time she has made the 6 hour trip away from home 5 times to visit my SIL and those grandchildren. I just don't get it sometimes.
Posted by: Kelly | April 04, 2011 at 01:50 PM
I swear, it has to do with turning 60. My lovely Mother-in-law loses a few more marbles with each birthday. I'm looking forward to when I get to be crazy too.
Posted by: Kerrie | April 04, 2011 at 01:14 PM
@Amanda - Are you talking about my MIL? Who completely loses interest in grandkids once they turn about five?
Posted by: Karen | April 04, 2011 at 12:55 PM
I realize it should say "survivors." But anyway, my mom is great with my kids - sends the beautiful handwritten letters and plays with them endlessly when she's here. But she's not one to call to talk to them (um ever) and it can be hard to get her down here.
Posted by: Kristen | April 04, 2011 at 12:54 PM
You know you will now HAVE to do a follow up post on the trip. Too wild!
Posted by: Sarah (Sterling Creek Ranch) | April 04, 2011 at 12:48 PM
Echoing Julie, with one caveat. If a grandparent wants to be a fair-weather grandparent then they sure as shit lose the right to define themselves on Facebook with images of some idyllic-alternate reality wherein they actually make said kids a priority. (To my mom if you find this: I am talking about the other grandma.)
Sigh.
Posted by: Amanda | April 04, 2011 at 12:00 PM
That made me chuckle. Makes me think dealing with my 16 year old son might not be as bad as dealing with a 60 year old mother!
Posted by: Heather | April 04, 2011 at 10:50 AM
With the amount of crap my mother has given me for every decision I have ever made in my 35 years on earth, I figure I have earned the right to give her a hard time for some of her hairbrained ideas, too.
Posted by: Cara | April 04, 2011 at 09:54 AM
Setting aside what I think about all the rest of this, I was struck by your line about doing as she pleases without getting any garbage from her kids. I might need to take that one to heart myself.
Posted by: Julie Marsh | April 04, 2011 at 09:48 AM