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April 04, 2011

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My mom changed religions in a few years ago and it has been a struggle. Every time I hold my tongue I feel a little bit better about myself- especially when her "religion" has a strong emphasis on converting others. Kudos on letting what will be be.

As our parents age often the wisest things we can do is keep our mouths shut. They're old enough that if they don't know better then its time they have another lesson in experience. Things will work or they won't. In the end, its their lives not ours.

(I should add I'm a firm believer in tough love if grandma or grandpa's actions are causing problems in your own family unit. That's a whole 'nother story.)

Moms are not weired,They just want to spend their few days for their own interest. As they spend their whole life for you now its their turn.

Reading some of the comments here, I feel less alone now in my feeling of sadness about how my children did not have grandparents who were very interested in knowing them while they were growing up. It seemed like everyone had grandpaents who loved being with their grandchildren and mine were basically absent. So I feel less alone about that now.

If Hitler didn't get them to renounce Judaism I'm fairly sure your mom will not be more persuasive.

Just a hunch.

Raising our parents is tough work sometimes. We moved about 8 hours away from my family in August, and we've seen them just about every other month. The last time I saw my mom, she was like, "When will I see you again?" I told her when she came to visit us. It was her turn to burn the rubber. In May she will be making her first trip to our new home.

Huh? I don't understand her logic. She can fly all the way there, but she can't fly to see your kids?

Epic fail on her part. The survivors don't need her, but you and your kids do. I would never have been able to hold my tongue like you did. Kudos to you. Boo-hiss to me.

Wow. Just...wow. Maybe she's going to Israel to refill on the chutzpah she just expended all over you.

Yep, reminds me of the way my Grandparents always viewed us: Babies are adorable, kids are brats!

My 60 year old mother recently went on a "ministry" trip. I, too, held my tongue. Moms are weird.

As a grandmother I have to tell you how much I admire your ability to not tell your mother what she should do. Yes, we do goofy things but we hate having our children bring it to our attention. Yes, we need to remember that respect is a two way street and I will try not to second guess your decisions as well. What I can not understand is why a grandmother wouldn't want to spend as much time as possible with her grandchildren. I have 4 grandchildren and even though 3 of them live quite a distance from me I try to see them at least every other month. I send them surprises in the mail, and will spend two weeks next month with the 3 of them while their parent vacation. I just returned from a week at Disney with all four. I want them to have memories of how much their grandmother loved them when I am gone. I have those memories of my grandparents and I am so grateful. My relationship with my grandparents was entirely different from that with my parents and I am so grateful. Your mom is missing out on something very special. Oh, well. Thinking of you and wishing you the best

Julie - She's getting her affairs in order...

I'm very concerned about her needing your children's social security numbers for her trip to Israel.

WHY?

My kids could barely pick either grandmother out of a line up. One can't travel and lives an ocean away. The other is a snowbird and I live (sort of) in the middle. Yeah, at 80+ she's earned the right to do whatever she wants. And I reserve my right to think she is making poor choices. She's not going to get the years she's missed with my kids back. I just hate that my kids have no grandparents.

We live only 5 minutes away from my MIL and she has not spent any quantity (or quality) of time with my children since July of last year. However in that time she has made the 6 hour trip away from home 5 times to visit my SIL and those grandchildren. I just don't get it sometimes.

I swear, it has to do with turning 60. My lovely Mother-in-law loses a few more marbles with each birthday. I'm looking forward to when I get to be crazy too.

@Amanda - Are you talking about my MIL? Who completely loses interest in grandkids once they turn about five?

I realize it should say "survivors." But anyway, my mom is great with my kids - sends the beautiful handwritten letters and plays with them endlessly when she's here. But she's not one to call to talk to them (um ever) and it can be hard to get her down here.

You know you will now HAVE to do a follow up post on the trip. Too wild!

Echoing Julie, with one caveat. If a grandparent wants to be a fair-weather grandparent then they sure as shit lose the right to define themselves on Facebook with images of some idyllic-alternate reality wherein they actually make said kids a priority. (To my mom if you find this: I am talking about the other grandma.)

Sigh.

That made me chuckle. Makes me think dealing with my 16 year old son might not be as bad as dealing with a 60 year old mother!

With the amount of crap my mother has given me for every decision I have ever made in my 35 years on earth, I figure I have earned the right to give her a hard time for some of her hairbrained ideas, too.

Setting aside what I think about all the rest of this, I was struck by your line about doing as she pleases without getting any garbage from her kids. I might need to take that one to heart myself.

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