Dear Mom. I totally get it. Love Me.

Part of me believes that there are just some parental inevitabilities, you know, universal truths that our own parents experienced and no matter how hard we try our best to be different and unlike our own parents we fail.

Miserably.

Because kids are kids, whether they've got an Atari Joystick or a Nintendo 3DS in their hand. Or they're wearing Cavariccis or Cavariccis. Again. 

There will always be a trail of clothes on the floor. And wrappers dropped exactly where the lollipop was opened.

In some ways,  this constant is comforting. And not just beause I'm way too tired to play Sherlock Holmes.

There's something reassuring about humanity knowing that we left crumbs on our mother's precious carpet and so do our kids. The crumbs might now be from organic bunny cookies and not the Keebler variety, but fancy pants cookies and those other ones jacked up on high fructose corn sugar that taste really freaking good crumble all the same.

No matter how creative I try to be, I still end up sounding like my mom, which as I'm learning, isn't such a bad thing.

I constantly remind my children to put things back where they belong, or "If you had put it back in the first place then you'd know where it is now" which hearing as a kid was so incredibly eyeroll-worthy but now makes perfect sense, so much so that when it does happen it makes me unreasonably happy. I'm not quite sure how my mom stopped herself from doing some sort of audacious "I told you so!" dance.

I don't have quite the same self-control.

And the crying for absolutely no apparent reason, well for other than a major injury, grief, or missed opportunity for mommy to make out with Ryan Reynolds sends me into a spiral that manifests as the dreaded "I can think of about 40 other actual things to cry about like children who have no food at all and wouldn't be crying because you cut their hot dog at the wrong angle," which is a lighter version of my parents' "I'll give you something to cry about" which I never actually understood what the hell they were talking about until now.

It's no wonder I was sent to my room to ponder such things on a regular basis. And if I didn't go on my own, I would have received their assistance getting there, a handy service I too offer my own kids.

There's plenty that I do differently than my mom, if only because I've got more resources, support, and drive thru Starbucks at my fingertips than she ever did.

But even with all my fancy nursing tops, self-warming baby bottles, and strollers that can practically drive themselves, we're still moms who just want our kids to pick up their crap and for god sakes put it the hell away.

Comments

[Cheap Red Wing]

Those are super cute. I like you on Facebook.

[Silver Strands]

Love your blog - and this post sure hits home. I was the middle daughter in a family of 6 and have 5 kids of my own. 2 are grown and have given me 3 grandchildren ... I just see what you're talking about over and over and over!

BTW ... just linked to your blog, all because you're so awesome!

[sarah hawley]

right-o! I had to laugh at your examples b/c they are the same in my house. Love my little turkeys, but they really do need to put sh*t away.

[mom101]

After a day of wiping needless tears, scolding for said needless tears, cajoling for a smile because are you kidding me? You didn't want the pink hat, you wanted the blue one? This was something I needed to read.

We are united in our imperfections as parents. That much will be constant.

Take comfort in the fact that our kids will be too some day.

[ivy]

HAHA!! Every time I lose my temper and yell because the house has turned into the city dump, I automatically think of my mom. She did the same, and as a kid, while helping her reluctantly, I used to vow to myself that if I ever had kids I would never yell at then, especially about the house work! The metamorphosis is complete - I am my mom, but now I understand why.

[Tara]

Nicely said. I love it!!

[Linda]

The most glaringly obvious lesson I am learning as I near my mid 30's? We all eventually become our mothers. IT IS INEVITABLE.

[R]

My mother worked...and went to school...and while I have memories...there are definitely not many as a younger child. (20+ years after their divorce, my father has finally admitted to me that neither of them were ever there for us.) No wonder I never had the "pick up your shoes" lessons. I didn't even begin to figure all that out until my mid-20s!

I vowed to be different. And yes, my children hear "Well if you would just learn to pick it up when you're done, we wouldn't have to spend 3 hours cleaning the living room" on a daily basis.

[Andrea]

Well written! I really needed to read this yesterday was one of those parent fail days.

[Marketing Mommy]

This post is SO TRUE. My 6 year old was reduced to a blubbering puddle this weekend because it is SO HARD to put her dirty clothes in the hamper and her clean clothes in the drawer. Yeah, Cinder-f-ing-rella.

[carosgram]

Universal truths are universal for a reason. My mother told me that when she first started having children she vowed to do it differently and better than her parents. Luckily she came to her senses over time and 5 children. I did the same with mine. Now I watch my children raise theirs and her my parents words coming out of their mouths and I am glad. My parents raised 5 children with great values and it is so good to see them being carried on in this next generation. The funny thing is that all children seem to understand the sayings even if their own parents never use them. I was volunteering at a fish lenten dinner and some children were back talking another adult. I looked at them as asked, "Who do you think you are talking to?" and sure enough they got the embarrassed look on their faces and stopped. Wish my dad could have seen that.

[Backpacking Dad]

I just want her to put her god damned shoes on.

[Julie Marsh]

I've taken to advising CJ: "Tears are for hurt bodies and hurt feelings." Too soon to say if it's helping.

[Kat]

I LOVE this!

[The Mommy Therapy]

I found myself practically hyperventilating over my children's lack of skills at picking up their stuff. I just don't get it. Everything is just dropped whereever they are when they tire of playing with something, usually moments after they started playing with it.

I throw anything found outside the playroom in a clear tub and it goes into toy timeout for a week, or until I feel they are doing a better job.

The problem with my strategy is that they don't really care about missing most of these toys because they have plenty of other ones. I'm thinking of starting a burn pile and making them watch their dropped belongings burn. Mean?

[Beanius0908]

hi kristen, came across your site recently and just wanted to say i thoroughly enjoy reading your posts. i'm a first time mom of a 7 month old baby and applaud you for keeping yourself sane. cheers to you.

[Sarah (Sterling Creek Ranch)]

"I can think of about 40 other actual things to cry about like children who have no food at all and wouldn't be crying because you cut their hot dog at the wrong angle,"
Thankful to know I don't have the only one, cause it sure seems that way among the kids we know around us!

So love you Kristen and your written word that reads like it's right out of my head. And the dialogue in mine continues on with "Hey, I didn't turn out soooo bad, so maybe what I grew up with as parenting examples might actually work for me too." With a few extra tweaks based on the great advice of several wonderful women out in cyberspace and twitter!

[Angela@beggingtheanswer]

Sigh. The cleaning up. When my kiddo was 2, she actually LOVED picking up - probably because she just wanted to do whatever Mommy was doing, and enjoyed my praise and encouragement.

Now she's 3 1/2 and getting her to clean up is like pulling teeth. I say, "Honey, it's time to pick up your crayons and put them away!" Then she says, "Well Mommy, maybe YOU can do it." WTF?!

Needless to say, there have been a lot of time-outs and discussions lately about how it's important to do what Mommy and Daddy ask of you.

[Sara]

I have to say that I can TOTALLY relate! Just yesterday I found a black, nasty banana peel in my kids playroom. I was like WTF, and I remember my parents never let us eat anywhere but the table, I know why now. I have kids now and I really think my parents listen to me complain, or really just trying to figure out what to do, and they are really laughing at me. I have also found as I get older, and my children get older that my folks get smarter and smarter. I have 3 kids, my folks had 8 of us and I have no clue as to how they raised us as well as kept a farm full of animals. I think they are saints!
My kids are at the age that they are getting really independent and don't need me, except to carry their stuff and clean up after them and somehow I find it comforting, at least I know they are here still. My son doesn't allow me to kiss him in public, my middle daughter wants to go to her friend's house all the time and my youngest wants to follow the middle one everywhere. Sometimes if it weren't for the laundry left behind & their various things left around I would be a little sad. I also know this is the natural order of things and eventually they will need me again, as I needed my Mommy, and still do!

[Stephanie]

I've had at least 4 of these moments in the last week. The only difference is that my cleaned my mess up a lot. Me? Yeah, I'm prepping them for future wives... they can clean up their own crap.

[Michelle]

My theory is that as babies and toddlers we would unwrap and give to children, or put things away ourselves, or carry their junk automatically. And one day, we realised we were pack horses, and have to train our children. I have a 17 year old daughter who still thinks it's ok to put her wallet in my bag rather than carry a bag herself (which isn't really that bad, because she probably has more money than me!).