Be a better spouse challenge Day 5: What's your best mode of communication?

With my husband always traveling, having any sort of meaningful conversation while he's gone is nearly impossible. And when he gets home, I'm usually too frazzled or desperate to get a little bit of uninterrupted work done that we don't actually ever talk about what needs to be discussed - that can be everything from the week's schedule to figuring out camps for the kids to discussing the last argument we had that was never resolved.

But over the years, I've learned that he is actually much more empathic and understanding over the phone than he is in person. And I, not surprisingly, express myself much better via email.

I've also learned that if I need to communicate anything important, I need to text it to him. If I ask him in person, it doesn't compute.

Call in unromantic. Or avoidant. Or whatever you want. But it works for us, if only to help clear the air and get us back to a common ground before we discuss things in person. I often wish he'd be the person he is on the phone in person. And I know he wishes I'd be as eloquent as I am in my emails instead of screaming and crying.

So Challenge #5: What's your best mode of communication?

Take a few minutes and figure out what works best for you - phone calls, emails, or maybe you're good at regular old conversation. Once you determine what's best, use it to your advantage.

When it comes to fights (particularly if you've done it in front of the kids), I think it's important to apologize in front of the kids. But if you feel more comfortable hashing it out via an email, why not?

And just because everyone thinks that you should be able to tell your husband about your day in person and not via a text, doesn't mean that it has to work for you. I get a much more attentive response when I text my husband a picture of the kids or a quick message"Guess what Margot did today" than if I try to do it in person.

If you need a little light reading, I wrote about the goofy comments I get when I'm out with my 4 kids. I particularly love the spammy comments. And if you're not reading Cool Mom Tech, I strongly encourage you to check it out. It's picks like this cool tooth fairy app that make me thankful for my own site. Happy Saturday!

Comments

[Sarah (Sterling Creek Ranch)]

This is a good one that everyone needs to take time to really consider. Communication (text, phone, in person, without saying a word!) can make or break a day for us as can the time of day we try to talk. On his days away, I usually try reaching him on the way to and from work after or before I've got the kids with me. He has had to learn that the worst time he can call is after I've got the kids to bed. That's usually the first time all day I've sat down and the last thing I want to do is have to think about anything but going to bed.

One thing that bothers me is often we are having a great week while he's away and we are communicating really well, then he comes home and suddenly all the "good stuff" of the week turns sour. That's probably a whole other "challenge" in itself!

[Rusti]

Just due to logistics we communicate best via text... I do well with emails, but Hubs rarely checks his, and when talking in person I get emotional and he shuts down. Combine this with our opposite schedules (he works nights, 7/14 days, so half the month - not including any court appearances or overtime) even phone calls don't work well as depending on whether he's out on a call (not a phone call, dispatched out to a call that's come in to 911) or not - he may or may not answer, and getting a return call isn't guaranteed either. Also - if we DO happen to get a chance to talk on the phone while he's on duty, there's a 90% chance he'll have a call come in that he has to hang up to go attend to... At least with texting anything that REALLY needs to be communicated will be sent, and seen - at some point ;) And if we have a chance to respond over the phone or in person - GREAT! but texting is better than nothing!

[Madison]

We communicate better by text... I think it's because we can always backspace our words on there before we send them, but if we talk in person or on the phone, we tend to blurt out things we dont mean.

[Teresa]

We communicate best by text or in person.

If there's conflict, I really should think about writing it down because I always regret talking. But if I type something up I am often very considerate and edit. And I think that would be very useful, since conflict is the major problem in our relationship.