I call "bullshit" on people who try to compare their dog to a kid. Of course, the kid leash users among you don't help the argument much, but until I can go to work all day long with my kid locked in a crate (well, legally that is) then sorry, I win.
If I hear another person say "Oh, I know what you mean" when I try to describe doing something with my kids only to hear them say "well, I don't have kids, but I do have dogs!"
Yes, yes. Of course you know what it's like.
I will say, however, that the best parenting technique I ever learned was from a dog trainer. Or really, dog whisperer.
That's right. Everything I needed to know about how to deal with toddlers I got from Cesar Millan.
His concepts (paraphrased a bit here, of course) are simple:
1. Make sure you're the alpha dog in the pack.
2. Walk them into submission.
Seriously, what more do you need to deal with a rammy kid?
Now I wouldn't necessarily use that language, per se', but a kid who knows his parent is the boss and who gets enough exercise tends to listen much better. Their brains are clear. Or tired.
Either way, it works.
Granted I'm not walking my kid around the neighborhood on a leash. Nor am I using a clicker to get him to sit or stay (though there might be something to that).
I'm just instituting consistent consequences for bad choices and getting my kid outside as much as I can. And not surprisingly, I have a whole new kid.
So, all those parenting books? Meh. Just head to the pet section.
hilarious, because just last night at dinner I said to my dad that I was using Cesar Millan on Birdy....when she's getting into something she shouldn't or is about to put some small choke-able plastic something into her mouth, I give her one of Cesar's 'ah!ah!ah!' instead of saying no. Works (almost) every time!
Posted by: molly | mommycoddle | March 01, 2011 at 09:14 AM
So very true!!!
It's a fight not to roll my eyes when people mention their "furry children" being even remotely close to a human child.
I think these people are borderline psychotic!
Posted by: Jennifer Merritt | March 01, 2011 at 08:22 AM
I would like to add "the tone matters just as much as the words" to the list. If you say NO, mean no. I hear a lot of parents saying no with the same tone they would say "I love you". I think the message to not do something is better said with tone - like C. M. does
Posted by: Amberly | February 28, 2011 at 08:05 PM
I got annoyed when people compared my kids to their dog, or their cat. NOT the same.
But then my childless brother and his wife got a fish tank, and later, guinea pigs.
I'll be relating a story about his nephew, and he will interrupt me with a chuckle because 'little guy' (the guinea pig) is doing something so cute he has to tell me about it right now. Then he launches into a story about the fish. The FISH.
So now I wish he at least had a dog. Cause when we visit, our kids could at least play together.
Posted by: nil zed | February 28, 2011 at 05:45 AM
Oye,it drives me bonkers when people compare dogs to human children. I totally understand that you can feel a love and kinship for your animal but your dog won't die if you leave them home alone...your human very well might. A dog will not be in therapy in 20 years disclosing every one of your transgressions..a child might! A dog doesn't belong in a stroller, a Bjorn, or feeding from your breast...a baby does. Then again, babies shouldn't be on leashes but I do own 1:) Viva the dog whisperer, he'll make a damn good papi!
Posted by: Debi (Truthful Mommy) | February 26, 2011 at 09:22 AM
Yes. Also, the bit about an animal is an animal, I think sometimes we have to say that a kid is a kid. Plenty of time to be an adult down the line, no?
Posted by: Amanda | February 25, 2011 at 02:56 PM
Yes! The fundamentals of behavior are consistent across all species. Operant conditioning is a beautiful thing.
Posted by: Anne | February 25, 2011 at 11:52 AM
P.S. That PSSSSSHT sound works great too. Just..you know, don't poke 'em in the ribs TOO HARD.
Posted by: The New Girl | February 25, 2011 at 07:33 AM
I think it's fair to compare your KID to a DOG...in some respects it's behavior conditioning at its very basic. Having a baby/toddler IS a lot like trying to train a puppy/dog...same principles apply.
That door, though, doesn't really truly swing the other way. At least in my opinion. Because my dog? He can stay at home alone ALL DAY and only one neighbor called the cops. And they didn't even bust me.
And @kate: I...I just have no words. No words at all for THAT level of insensitive assholery.
Posted by: The New Girl | February 25, 2011 at 07:30 AM
Oh yeah, I'm alllll over the walk them into submission.
Although I think I'm just building his stamina at this point.
Posted by: Dead Cow Girl | February 24, 2011 at 11:23 PM
I have a dog that my husband and I adore, but I cannot imagine ever comparing the loss of a dog to the death of a child. Honestly the people who say those things are totally self-absorbed and have not learned to have meaningful relationships with other humans. I'm so sorry Kate!
Now that we're expecting, though, I do expect to employ some basic puppy training with the toddler. Before they can really talk or reason they are basically some form of pet, aren't they???
Posted by: Undone Mother | February 24, 2011 at 08:13 PM
I've never had a dog, but I do have a 5 year old son. A couple of years ago I hit on the 'walk him into submission' theory - and like you I took it as 'get him outside more.' Yup, it worked great, still does! We'd go outside to play after we got home from daycare and work - so what if it made dinner late? It meant there was less whining while I made dinner. Less whining during dinner. Happier play time in the tub after dinner. And bedtime was better too.
Come to think on it, I need to get back into that.
Posted by: Melanie | February 24, 2011 at 04:28 PM
I know someone who had a lot of dogs before they had a child. They approached parenting like training a puppy. They had a well behaved child. So I say there's something to it.
Posted by: Amanda | February 24, 2011 at 03:39 PM
Love your blog and love this post. I have two boys, and my older son is starting to test me... He's throwing things at me, climbing on the couch and trying to swing from the curtains, and pretty much getting into everything he knows he's not supposed to. It's driving me batty because all the while I'm sitting on the couch nursing my younger son, unable to do much about my crazy-ass toddler.
I also have two dogs, and my husband had them trained from the beginning. They used to walk circles around me but after watching a few episodes and listening to Cesar, I've got them whipped into submission. I would have never realized the same techniques could be used on my kids. Although, I have been telling my toddler to "SIT!" a lot here recently, and my dogs both immediately sit, and my toddler just laughs. Maybe I should check out a few more episodes of The Dog Whisperer.
Looking forward to spending some time outside with my toddler on the weekends...he's got a lot of energy and it needs to go somewhere else...he's trying to use my curtains as a jungle gym ;)
Posted by: Someone's Mom | February 24, 2011 at 01:12 PM
Yep, this is exactly what I'm going through right now. Consequences for bad choices and let's get outside as much as possible. And once I recover from the flu I'm sure I'll be doing a much better job (I hope).
Posted by: Laurie | February 24, 2011 at 12:29 PM
While my parenting has evolved now that my kids are older, my husband and I used to "joke" frequently that parenting toddlers was a lot like dealing with our dog.
Know who's boss, training them not to poop on the carpet and jump on guests, and plenty of exercise.
So, I agree with this post whole-heartedly and I'm extremely anxious for spring so I can take my 3 kids outside again. (most days I just cannot bear the thought of wrestling 3 small children into snowpants and then deal with the screaming and crying when they're cold and wet and need to be wrestled back out of their snowpants)
And, to Kate, OMFG I'm so sorry people are that ignorant and I'm so sorry for the loss of your child.
Posted by: amanda | February 24, 2011 at 12:09 PM
I say "DROP IT" to my kids so much, you'd think they'd sit up and beg for a snack. And Kate----OMFG, people really try to compare the loss of your child to the death of a pet? Oy. I'm sorry.
Posted by: Fairly Odd Mother | February 24, 2011 at 10:50 AM
I was actually alarmed when I had my daughter that... it was a lot like having a puppy. Sorry. It's true. I totally get why people compare the two.
It's also true that I have a high-maintenance dog, so...take my commentary with a grain of salt. ;)
But on the flip side, to Kate, I cannot believe that anybody would compare the loss of your child to their dog. There is nothing that would compare. Dogs are family but they are... dogs. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Becky | February 24, 2011 at 10:04 AM
My absolute favorite, and I have heard this more times than I could ever possibly count since my 13 month old son died, is "I'm so sorry, I know what you're going through...when my dog died...."
I could rant for pages on the things I'd like to say to those people, but I think the other 95% of the parenting world can fill in the blanks on their own.
Posted by: Kate | February 24, 2011 at 09:42 AM
Like, like, like. Mostly because I totally agree. Ask any daycare teacher if the kids are better when the weather is nice enough to get outside and you will get a "hell yes!" from them.
I actually sort of think this applies to nearly all creatures. Know who is boss, and get some exercise.
Posted by: Amelia Sprout | February 24, 2011 at 08:58 AM