The Pull-Up Potty

For the last week, Margot has been pooping in the potty, which makes perfect sense since my husband just bought a gigantic box of Pull-ups at Costco.

Pro-tip: If you're trying to get your kid to do something, go buy a huge expensive pile of what you won't need and then they'll do it.

I'm now trying to find alternate uses for Pull-ups, which are not nearly as entertaining as say extra tampons. Or condom lollipops.

Pull-ups do not make good water balloons. Trust me on that one.

Meanwhile, Pull-ups might be the worst things ever invented. Not only are they pretty much as effective and budget-friendly as sticking money in your kids' underpants when it comes to pee, but with poop, they are a complete nightmare.

I knew this, as you might guess, being on my 4th kid and all, but my husband, who is apparently not on his 4th kid, thought it would be cool if we had 525 Pull-ups.

He was not as pleased with himself when he was elected "Changer of she who shits in a Pull-up like it's her potty except the poop gets smashed in her ass."

I admit enjoying the show - the "try to change her standing up JESUS H" matinee or the "lay her down and try not to smash it OH MOTHEREFFER" double feature.

I think we added 5,678,101 baby wipes to the landfill over the last two months.

Well, I'm not exactly sure what happened, since we've been bribing her with everything from candy to a new baby doll to luxury vacations in Grand Cayman for the last few months.

You think I'm kidding. At least we won't be changing diapers while we're there. And I always say, you've got to find just what motivates them. Maybe for Margot it's a virgin Pina Colada on the beach.

But apparently you toss a few Trader Joe's jelly beans (which by the way Santa brought her in her "sock" but then she saw them at Trader Joe's and was like "OH MAH JELLY BEANS, MAMA!" and I was all like "I think Santa shops at Trader Joe's smart man that he is let's go try some pumpkin cream cheese!") her way and she runs to the potty every other hour or so and drops a pebble in the toilet.

That's right. I think she figured out that since she gets 3 jelly beans per visit, if she can spread out the visits throughout the day, she's basically getting half a box of jelly beans.

Meanwhile, I don't give a shit (ha get it?) because I'm not dealing with the Pull-up Potty.

And I have outsmarted her by giving her jelly beans based on her poop size!

Then I realized I was giving her jelly beans based on her poop size.

And that, folks, is why they pay me the big bucks.

Or jelly beans.

Comments

[Margo]

Oh....and pull-ups. Yeah, the diaper companies have us all fooled. How can we get parents to buy our products for as long as possible? Possibly even YEARS longer than necessary. Ha ha

[Margo]

I am a caregiver for some 15 rotating toddlers in our Toddler Class, with the help of my wonderful co-teacher. Since our kiddos range in age from 2 to 3...I have reluctantly become a potty training master. I used to think there was nothing worse than changing a toddler's diaper. Now I do it everyday....more times than I can count. I know just how incredibly difficult it is, and how rewarding when that goal is finally accomplished. Especially with my own daughter nearly 10 years ago. Ick! Congratulations!!!!

[Karen (SubMommy)]

Pull-ups, imo, prolonged the potty training. They knew they had a back up plan, KWIM?

We used to just rip the sides open when they would poop in them.

We've been diaper & Pull-up free for a year now. F-R-E-E-D-O-M.

[Samantha]

Pull ups definitely suck, but my bigger problem is when my son insisted that he only poop in the backyard. With the dog. Hanging his butt off the deck. Oh boy, and then I thought maybe I could pass it off as the dog's and just have the Pooper Scooper people take care of it. I'm sick, right?

[Ashlye]

oh I so needed this tonight. My 18 month old has decided to use the potty, but has figured out my reaction was better to peeing/pooping on the floor. It's not funny Em, it's really not. Pooping on the floor on purpose at 18 months. Yep, I'm screwed. Thanks for the ha ha ha's!

[Julie]

Here, the poop changed consistency with the switch from diapers to pull-ups. And not for the better. Never have I had to deal with such grossness.

Karmyn is totally right -- be prepared.

I'll bet the husband thinks twice now about buying ANYTHING in bulk. Heh.

[Angela@beggingtheanswer]

My 3 year old STILL poops in her pants when she wants to. Honestly, pull-up poop is gross, but poop in big girl undies is more gross. Especially when it starts escaping the confines of the underwear.

Therefore, we still put her in a pull-up if we're going to be in a situation where a bathroom is more than 5 minutes away. For example, Grandma's house = underwear. Mall = Pull-Up.

Her bribe of choice? Dove dark chocolate promises. At least she has taste.

[Karen Chatters]

C pooped in the potty the other day for the first time. It was a Christmas miracle, I tell you. Heaven forbid you should have to change her poopy diaper, it's like hell on earth so you'd think she'd WANT to go in the potty. Yeah, no, no such luck. I think that one time is all we're going to get until the kid goes to college. At least by then she "should" be able to change her own damn diaper.

[Goddess in Progress]

HA!

Seriously, poop in the Pull-Up is the nastiest, nastiest shit there is. I'm not sure exactly why it's so very much worse than a regular diaper, but there you have it.

Hey man, if the jelly beans work, so be it. You'll get rid of them eventually, and in the meantime, it's a small price to pay for not having to clean poopy pull-ups.

[Backpacking Dad]

It was gummi vitamins here.

[Kristen - MU]

Pink hand soap, Kamryn! That's genius!

[Jennie]

That's it! I'm going to go stock up on pull-ups in the hope it works for us too. My daughter is SO STUBBORN about using the potty. Way to go Margot!!

[egplnt21]

Markers were the bribe for my now almost six year old. Took one pack of 8 from crayola--he got one each time he did it. And the current bribe is a nintendo DSi if he starts wiping himself--he's well on his way, having started over the weekend. Anything to not have to get up e v e r y night at dinner.

[JCF]

Incredible...we're in the process of potty training our two year old girl too, and my husband just suggested we get some Pull-Ups for outings, and you could probably have heard me screaming "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" all the way from Los Angeles to Atlanta. She poop in the potty just fine, as long as you can catch her and get her on the potty within the 4 second notice she gives before going. This means my poor 6 month old has been dumped on the floor in the middle of nursing multiple times as I hurdle over the toys to grab her and stick her little bottom on the toilet. Of course, I'm not complaining because my son pooped his pants for a good 4 months straight. I seriously considered getting a therapist. For me.

[Emma]

I think you've got off pretty easy if Margot is rationing her poo for jelly beans... the only thing that motivates my son to use the toilet instead of pull ups (of which we have BOXES left over from his brother) is a Pokemon toy. And each poo counts as one new Pokemon in his eyes, no matter how teensy tiny the poo.

But I don't mind either. Clean break vs smeared everywhere can only be a win.

[Karmyn]

I know here, you can donate Pull Ups to the Women in Need Society, even if the package is open.
Of course, as soon as you do this, she'll go back to pooping everywhere but the potty!

I'm cheap...we were having issues potty training, and then we were in a public washroom that had pink hand soap and my daughter got all excited. (Apparently, until now, she's been under the impression that hand soap only came in white). So, I've told her if she stays clean & dry for three days, I'll buy her pink hand soap.

[Heather]

I hate the term LOL and I rarely ever use it, but seriously, LOL! Hysterical. Pull-ups are completely useless, just shit and piss your pants kid, really, it's basically the same thing. Thank you, I totally needed to laugh today.

[Kristen - Motherhood Uncensored]

Teresa - I think you could use that to your advantage and get a bathroom redesign to look like your friend. Your friend with the $50K bathroom :)

[Teresa]

Thank you for warning me about the pull-ups. My 2 year old is determined not to poop on the potty at home but instead to poop at everyone else's house. We'll see if we ever get further than that.

[LIttle D]

That's hilarious because both times I stocked up on tampons at Costco I ended up pregnant. Ha!