Motherhood Uncensored

Excuse me while I freak out for a minute

It seemed like a good idea at the time when my mom offered to watch Bridget while we took the other three kids on a quick little vacation. It didn't matter that I've never really had to pump more than a few ounces here and there. Or that the baby didn't really take a bottle. Yet.

I've never left any of my kids when they were small for any length of time.

But taking the entire gaggle of children wasn't an option. And since my mom (yes, the Chinese Mother) has a reputation of being "The Baby Whisperer," I figured that if there was anyone who could do it, my mom was the one.

And I've been fine - pumping every morning, feeding Briget a bottle so she gets used to it, and getting super excited about the extra sleep I might get (except it just so turns out that she sleeps through the night unlike the 2-year-old that is coming with me).

But then my mom emailed to tell me that I should record myself singing a lullaby and talking to her.

And I lost it.

I know my mom is going to be fine. And people keep telling me that she'll do better with the bottle when I'm not there. And that she'll figure out that I'm not coming home and chill out.

But it's hard not to freak out. Just a little bit.

So, I'd love to hear your happy stories about leaving a breastfed baby. Keyword HAPPY. Please do not tell me about your baby that went on a hunger strike for 4 days.

If you have any advice for me and/or the baby, please share! I've got my pump packed and I'm leaving all my slings and carriers, a shirt with my scent, and yes, a recording of me singing just in case.

The Pull-Up Potty

For the last week, Margot has been pooping in the potty, which makes perfect sense since my husband just bought a gigantic box of Pull-ups at Costco.

Pro-tip: If you're trying to get your kid to do something, go buy a huge expensive pile of what you won't need and then they'll do it.

I'm now trying to find alternate uses for Pull-ups, which are not nearly as entertaining as say extra tampons. Or condom lollipops.

Pull-ups do not make good water balloons. Trust me on that one.

Meanwhile, Pull-ups might be the worst things ever invented. Not only are they pretty much as effective and budget-friendly as sticking money in your kids' underpants when it comes to pee, but with poop, they are a complete nightmare.

I knew this, as you might guess, being on my 4th kid and all, but my husband, who is apparently not on his 4th kid, thought it would be cool if we had 525 Pull-ups.

He was not as pleased with himself when he was elected "Changer of she who shits in a Pull-up like it's her potty except the poop gets smashed in her ass."

I admit enjoying the show - the "try to change her standing up JESUS H" matinee or the "lay her down and try not to smash it OH MOTHEREFFER" double feature.

I think we added 5,678,101 baby wipes to the landfill over the last two months.

Well, I'm not exactly sure what happened, since we've been bribing her with everything from candy to a new baby doll to luxury vacations in Grand Cayman for the last few months.

You think I'm kidding. At least we won't be changing diapers while we're there. And I always say, you've got to find just what motivates them. Maybe for Margot it's a virgin Pina Colada on the beach.

But apparently you toss a few Trader Joe's jelly beans (which by the way Santa brought her in her "sock" but then she saw them at Trader Joe's and was like "OH MAH JELLY BEANS, MAMA!" and I was all like "I think Santa shops at Trader Joe's smart man that he is let's go try some pumpkin cream cheese!") her way and she runs to the potty every other hour or so and drops a pebble in the toilet.

That's right. I think she figured out that since she gets 3 jelly beans per visit, if she can spread out the visits throughout the day, she's basically getting half a box of jelly beans.

Meanwhile, I don't give a shit (ha get it?) because I'm not dealing with the Pull-up Potty.

And I have outsmarted her by giving her jelly beans based on her poop size!

Then I realized I was giving her jelly beans based on her poop size.

And that, folks, is why they pay me the big bucks.

Or jelly beans.

This is when snow in the South starts to get really annoying

We've been housebound now for the last three days, watching neighbors shovel our street (seriously) and attempt to make it up the huge hill we live at the bottom at.

You know desperation has set in because yesterday I pulled out the Shrinky Dinks. On my own free will.

Next I'll be letting them play with glitter and Moon Sand.

Okay, I'm not that crazy.

In the meantime, here's what I've been writing:

1. Holy cow, people! We made it to 527 comments. Or really 525 comments because I commented twice. That means $500 to Crickett's Answer for Cancer.

It also means I know that some of you hate partial feeds, a lot of you don't care, and even more of you don't know what a feed is.

For those of you who have quit reading me due to my partial feeds, thanks for paining yourself to click through for a cause (ha!). I do realize a lot of you read at work, and my blog may be blocked - so I completely understand why you don't read anymore. But boy, you're missing out! (haha!)

2. Amy Chua's piece at the Wall Street Journal entitled "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior" has spread like wildfire. I'm pretty sure it might be the most brilliant way to get a book to the top of the New York Times bestseller list. In fact, she should write another piece called "Why Chinese Authors are Superior." The common theme:  both at the expense of her kids.

I wrote a response asking whether Amy Chua's Chinese Parenting is Good for America. As a daughter and granddaughter of a Chinese mother, I figured I'd be a good one to share. Feel free to decide yourselves.

3. And do homeschoolers have snow days? We changed up our curriculum on Monday (the actual snow day) and I shared what we did over at The Pioneer Woman Homeschooling. The picture is not actually my house, but all the commenters think it is, which, well, I don't have the heart to say anything.

Now, I've got some baby weight to sweat off, and a brand new laptop that I got a week ago but still haven't actually used!

If we're going to argue about something stupid, let's raise money for WhyMommy and breast cancer while we do

If you read my blog through a feed reader, then you make the decision to click through to the full post based on my snappy title and compelling first 100 words because I choose to publish partial feeds.  Lately, I've been made aware that this really pisses a lot of you off. Actually, I've known this for awhile, but given the continued back and forth between "Partials" and "Fulls," well, I figured I'd address the issue.

Here's what I have to say about that (but you're going to have to click through to see it).

OH WELL.

I never realized partial versus full feeds were such a big deal until Heather Armstrong linked me on her blog after we were on the same Today Show story about mom bloggers and one of her readers emailed me. She said something to the effect of that she liked my blog but she refused to read anyone who didn't publish full feeds so if I didn't change she wouldn't be reading my blog.

"Oh no!" I gasped. "Let me change it for you right away. I wouldn't want to inconvenience you!"

Please. Screw that.

Apparently she's not alone in her disdain for partial feeds. I hear from folks every now and then that they just can't read me anymore because I publish partial feeds.

And I've seen some pretty heated discussions on Twitter about it.

Personally, I don't care about the extra two cents (if that) that I would get from the extra view on my blog if you click over.

The only reason I publish partial feeds is because my work here has been scraped too damn many times.

And I like to piss you lazy full feed snobs off.

(Okay, not really).

It's never ever bothered me to have to click through on my feed reader to see a post. Never. I'm more than happy to give the blogger whose blog I'm reading for free a click. Maybe even a few. If I'm feeling generous, I might even click their google ads, even if I'm not looking for a sexy Asian wife.

Really?! A click is that much of a pain? Obviously so because I'm writing an entire post about it.

As a writer, I value my writing most. I actually use the partial feed as a means to challenge myself to choose better titles and really think about how I'm opening my posts.

But I won't be changing to a full feed anytime soon. No matter how many times you try to tell me you won't read my blog anymore.

Even the lovely and talented Alice of Finslippy who was rallying for full feeds a week or so ago on Twitter can't make me change, damnit.

So since I know this post will incite one heck of an awesome yet pretty trite discussion about feed readers, let's make something good come out of it. I really hesitated to post on something like "feeds" given that my dear friend WhyMommy has been diagnosed with cancer again (that's 4 times in 4 years).

But then I thought, let's channel our strong feelings about feeds into something that's actually worthwhile.

So, I will personally donate $1 for every comment up to 500 comments to Crickett's Answer, one of the many causes that Susan has helped support over the last four years. This charity provides women with free Lymphedema sleeves, something that helps ease the pain of those undergoing chemo treatment but surprise! is not covered by insurance.

If I raise $500 with 500 comments, then 5 women can get these sleeves that they might not otherwise be able to afford very easily if at all.

[Comments will remain open until Tuesday 12am EST. One comment per person per day. Feel free to say whatever you want. You can't insult me but feel free to insult those who hate people who use full feeds! *KIDDING* Better, insult cancer. Because it deserves to be insulted]

Study linking Autism to vaccines found fraudulent

Early this morning in the few moments I have control of the remote before my children beg for their Curious George and Super Why!, I caught the report that British Dr. Andrew Wakefield, the researched behind the now infamous Austism study, was found to be a fraud.

Although I've never actually read his study, I worked with many children with autism and their parents for many years, some of whom believed quite ardently that their children had shown signs of the disorder following a routine vaccination visit.

At the time, I wasn't a parent. I hadn't thought about vaccines ever. Except for the time I had to get a Tetanus shot after I had a glass dropped on my foot at TGIFridays when I was 15.

And given that there is no actual cause (or cure) for Autism, who was I not to believe their personal report - a valuable assessment of a medical or psychological problem?

Then I had my own kids and hearing these stories day after day completely affected my own decision on vaccinating my children.

I don't regret following a delayed and selected vaccination schedule. I'm still selective about what my children get and when they get them, not just due to my own experiences with children with autism, but from family reactions and other research I've done.

But I am saddened that a study like this, with obvious holes that even a neophyte researcher could have discovered, was ever published. Especially as a former researcher myself who had several research studies evaluated and subsequently published in scholarly journals on topics not nearly as controversial as this one. The editorial board ripped every single part of my data analysis apart; why didn't this happen for this study?

I think most disturbing is how many families have been affected - children who never were vaccinated and contracted Measles.

And even moreso, for parents with children with autism who held onto that study as at least one actual, documented cause for a disorder that continues to confuse researchers.

The news that the study was not only bad science but worse, fraudulent, does not at all make me question the many parents who truly believed that their kids did, in fact, show signs of Autism after their vaccinations. There's nothing yet to say that something in certain vaccines combined with a certain child's biology might be a factor for some children.

We just don't know. And that's the scariest part.

As I said to Dr. Paul Offit, author, researcher, and inventor of the Rotavirus vaccine, I believe strongly in the value of qualitative research as well. Not just the numbers but the stories and stories of parents who saw their child's behavior deteriorate.

I do believe in vaccinations. Just ask my older kids who get them almost every time they go to the doctor now as we have started our catch up schedule. 

I also believe that children have reactions to them.

And I hope that there's a way for us to move forward and focus our energy in helping discover the cause of autism. And a possible cure.

And most of all, support the valiant efforts of so many amazing parents, who are raising children with this disorder.

I've written a lot about vaccinations on this blog, including the whole H1N1 vaccination debacle. I know it's an extremely heated topic. Please feel free to share your own opinions and experiences. But if you get nasty, I will delete it.