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November 12, 2010


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I only have one child, the one poor daughter that I have tagged all of my hopes and dreams on.

Just relish this baby - breathe in her scent. Celebrate the Mom you are now, with the babe who nestles towards your breast.

The rest will come later.

Every day is blue day. If you encounter a setback, please look up to the sky, if only the sky is blue, you don't lose the hope.

The weeks and months after pregnancy are fraught with sleep-deprivation, crazy hormones, and learning to juggle it all. The effort to resolve all this is incredibly stressful. And it's so hard to admit, "The postpartumn experience turns me into a total bitch! But I'm ok with this!" even when we know we love our babies with all our hearts. It's not that we don't all share this experience, but I think we just silently push through it. So kudos to you for putting it out there that it's all so hard! It makes me feel I'm not so alone.

I would be willing to bet that if you left the house for more than hour, she WOULDN'T be smiling at your hubs.


This too shall pass. For me it passed with modern pharmaceuticals, but it did pass.


I agree with needing a sister-wife.

I'm only on my second kid and it's already so different. I have crazy guilt towards the baby because his big sis has had such a hard time adjusting and I can't focus as much on the baby. I stress when they're both awake and I have to feed the baby because the girl freaks out. He's 3 weeks today and while I'm so happy he's here (and out of me!!), I just don't feel like he's getting the same fair shake his sister got.

The fog lifts, I promise! (My newborn is 2 months old)

Thank you to your husband for reminding you to smile...And thank you to you, for being you, for them.

OF COURSE you are grouchy, you have a newborn. I couldn't imagine it any other way. I was bitch on wheels - I think I have PTSD from it all! :)

Just sending you lots of big hugs.

The first few days with a newborn are tough to say the least, but then caring for three other still young children intensifies the struggles of the newborn days. As fas as I'm concerned, you're every bit of Superwoman and it seems like it's time that you give yourself a break. A real one.

I don't have any advice on how to get through this because I haven't been where you are, but if it's any consolation, you certainly teach me plenty on how to strive to be the best mother one can be.

You're a tough cookie; you'll make it through this. We know you will.

You are doing a great job! Every mom needs to hear that either with baby #1 or baby #4. You are doing a great job. You are doing everything else and in between while she is sleeping, etc. Right?? And husbands are going to work, etc. while you are on vacation on maternity leave. ;)

I couldn't of written this post any better as I've felt the same ways at different times.

Too bad men don't have the hormones too to feel what we do.

Keep up the great work!!!!!

Make the hubs or babysitter cook, feed and clean up while you hole up with the baby and snuggle. Well for a half hour anyway. Cause all he'll do is vaccuum and the sitter isn't a housekeeper. Still take adeep breath and make better use of your minion/husband. Paternity leave is not really for his enefit. It's for yours! Because I said so.

No words, just lots of understanding and hugs. :)

I never liked those early baby days, either. If you don't have the energy to muster up some amazing peekaboo moments for your baby to smile at yet, don't worry. You will. It's a little early to already be putting this much pressure on yourself... doesn't everyone feel a mess for the first few months? Shit, I did with my first, even. You need a nap more than you need your baby to smile at you ;)

1. Maybe you're not smiling very much and I think you state clearly why. You're working, hard, and the work you are doing is exhausting.

If your kids eat-something and are relatively clean, you're doing everything you need to do right now. Pat yourself on the back and squeeze in a shower.

2. I was terrified that baby #3 would get shafted mommy-wise. So, in those moments where I was aware I had 2 minutes to smile at her and coo, I jumped on them. When I once had the time to sit and rock her and watch the sun set, I did. I turned off the tv, sang to her, and that is one of my favorite (ok, also one of my only) memories of her as a newborn.

Grab those few moments that may come along to smile at your newborn, and give yourself a break for all the others where you're too exhausted or doing 29 other things simultaneously.

I feel like i missed out on the good stuff with my twin babies because I was too busy and tired to do anything but -the next thing that had to be done. I look at their baby pictures and think did I appreciate your tiny cuteness enough? It is easy to forget how much lack of sleep and growing another person can take a tole on a woman. Plus the hormone crash yowzas! Men will never get it. NEVER

I always thought no one smiled in 1800s photos because the shutter speed was about 10 minutes?
Listen, in my house, I do the cooking, the cleaning, wiping runny noses, cleaning dirty butts, picking up the toys, fixing broken toys, mending and washing tiny clothes, making thousands of tiny meals, breaking up fights, making sippy cups, replaying the same episode of Blue's Clues over and over... and lets not forget getting so frustrated and overwhelmed that I'm pulling my hair out.
Do you know who their favorite parent is? You get two guesses and the first one doesn't count.
Here's a hint, it's not the one who caters to their every need and knows them better than they know themselves... it's the one who isn't too exhausted and tired of them to give them a half hour of horsey rides.
If I had a sister-wife I might have enough energy and patience to be "the fun one." But I don't... I'm the one who works hard all day, and so is therefore grumpy.
Maybe eventually your husband will realize that, and stop poking at the grumpy bear that is his wife. The grump is a direct result of carrying the weight that you carry all day, every day.

Scary how easily they pick up on your emotions isn't it?

You'll get it together when she's almost 3 months, i predict.

I felt that the transition to #2 was strangely anticlimactic- I still have to get #1 to school and all the things that running a household entails and was so grateful when she slept and slept and wondered how I could get her to sleep more!

I definitely wasn't chatty. but about a week ago, i turned into SuperLady (or just a lady-- good enough!) again and now she treats me like she treats daddy when he comes home from work at night- SOO EXCITED!

so, k, my point is this- you have to get *yourself* back before you can give some more to her. she'll wait for you! i agree with amanda! big ups (and downs) to the dads for being oh-so-understanding wordsmiths! :/

Aawwww...I know how much that sucks! Between work and home, I feel like I've been dumped in a pool of piranhas. And it doesn't stop, day in and out. A lot of the times, the witch in me comes out and I hate it. I feel even worse when my husband, the laid back one, does something to make the girls feel better because I just snapped at them. This is the one side-effect of motherhood I feel is the most painful to deal with. I've done more stupid things in my life but this trait is the one I can beat myself up the most for.

Hang in there!

I'm going through the first few months thing right now and it's really hard to not want to rip your hair out. Yesterday I had one of those days wehre NOTHING got done, not even shower or brushing my teeth, because my nearly6 week old was up all day and fussy. No kidding. not even a cat nap. And my husband totally didn't get it when I told him I was losing my mind and that I was upset that he didn't get honme until 8 because he decided to go out with his buddies!

I'm with you on this one girl!

You know, if I had to guess, I'd say that she is wise. She knows you are working things out and when that wise little creature sees her window, she is going to smile up at you and you are going to have the wherewithal to smile back. It'll be with your whole being and it will be the shift. Forgive yourself for it not happening yet, it isn't failure, it just is.

You know those portraits from the 1800's where everyone is looking grimly into the camera, not one smile even in a group of children? It's because life back then was hard, hard work. You are doing hard work K! Don't feel badly about it, you are just doing all you can do to keep it all together.

And I bet she's smiling at you but you've got so much going on, it's hard to catch those fleeting moments. And she's probably in awe of all you manage to do every day.

Last night, I had a fit with the kids when they were giving me a hard time at bedtime, and one of the things I yelled was "you don't know how hard it is to do all of this!" My oldest later wrote me a note and brought it to me---the last line said, "I want to be like you when I grow up". I'm sure she didn't mean "the screaming bitch in the hallway", but the mom who works so hard for her kids that she may not always be the most pleasant person. But she tries. Really, really tries.

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