After losing one whopping pound and then subsequently gaining it back this month (I'm looking at you pie that'll make you cry... about your butt that will not shrink), I would like to tell all the people who continue to perpetuate the myth that breastfeeding helps you lose weight to shut the hell up.
In the nicest way possible, of course.
Now I realize that I have just opened the flood gates of women who have actually lost weight while breastfeeding who will now tell me to shut the hell up and stop dissuading people to breastfeed.
Meanwhile, I'm on month 55 of total months breastfeeding a baby over the last six years so, um, please. I'm hardly against breastfeeding.
I'm just against breastfeeding as a viable post partum weight loss program.
But to those of you who have shed pounds breastfeeding, I shall quote a very bad movie that I can't seem to turn off every single time it's on because I have a secret crush on Kevin Connolly:
"You're the exception. Not the rule."
Breastfeeding does a fine job at returning your uterus back to its teeny tiny state. But it does not, for me and most women I talk to, shrink anything else.
You have to eat extra calories in order to sustain your milk supply, though I suppose that doesn't mean the entire box of Trader Joe's dark chocolate star cookies.
Or the couple of Fat Tires.
But hey. That's basically what Snooki's diet is and she lost a bunch of weight!
I get the biology of it. And I completely agree with nine months on, nine months off. Or something like that.
But if one more person asks me if I'm breastfeeding and then proceeds to tell me that the weight will just fall right off, I might have to sit on them.
With my big gigantic very exclusively breastfeeding ass.