On Saturday night, I started having some contractions that ended up lasting throughout the day on Sunday, so I figured it was probably a good idea to find my packed bag, charge the cameras, and get some rest.
Instead, I went grocery shopping at Trader Joe's and cleaned out all my kids' drawers.
Later on that evening, the contractions did regulate at around 6-7 minutes apart, so I tweeted first (duh!), asking folks how close contractions were supposed to be before I hauled my ass to the hospital and then texted my midwife.
I figured since I was able to continue watching "The Kardashians" during my contractions (and snoozing in between) without being completely annoyed, I'd wait a bit and then come in when they started to pick up.
That was around 10pm.
A few hours, or Chelsea Lately and then some other E! crap later, they were definitely stronger, but not unbearable.
However, I felt the teeniest amount of rectal pressure and was oddly a little vomitous, so I woke the husband, called the midwife, and told our neighbor to come on down.
That was around 1am.
As I walked to the door to open it for my neighbor, I felt my water break, so I scampered back with my skirt between my legs, protecting the carpet AT ALL COSTS, and hopped on the toilet.
I then I had a sinking feeling that I was in deep shit.
Before I tell you how I piled myself into the back of my husband's beater car, got about a mile from home and literally felt the baby's head move down, shoved my own hand up there and felt the baby's head, and screamed for him to turn around and call 911, I will say this:
a) I've had two extremely long and painful back labors, which, if you've had them you know that you feel like you have to poop (AND DIE) the entire time;
b) Margot was one of those said long and painful back labors, so it was not immediately obvious to me that I would go quickly, or at least, feel rectal pressure and that would mean the baby was coming and not "Oh sorry, you're only 5 cm, enjoy the stabbing pain in your back for another five hours."
c) I like to go naturally and spend the least amount of time at the hospital as possible;
d) My water has always broken during regular but not so strong contractions. So, I was sort of thinking that it would do it again.
Okay, so - we're driving back home, I'm trying not to push the baby out in the car, and he's on the phone with 911 trying to explain to them where we live, which was much more complicated than it should have been, mind you.
I hopped out of the car, banged on the door, and ran my tail back into the guest bed that was still warm. My husband called the midwife and she coached him on how to catch the baby.
We decided that if I could wait for the EMTs, it would probably be best, so my midwife talked me through a couple more contractions. My neighbor yelled that the EMTs were here and I breathed a sigh of relief.
Until I saw them.
A young dude. And a scruffy old dude.
"No lady? No hot, nice, strong men LIKE ON THOSE TV SHOWS?"
WHERE IS EDDIE CIBRIAN?
"So. What's going on?" one drawled, nonchalantly, like we had just asked him over for beers and the baseball game.
I looked at my husband with a look of complete and utter TERROR, mouthed "WHAT THE FUCK?," and then shrieked something about wanting my midwife RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW OMFG.
There I was, my legs spread wide open with two of the Atlanta suburb's "finest is in the eye of the beholder" firemen gazing upon me.
My husband asked the one if he had done this before and he said "yes," and then I heard a woman's voice and sighed a bit, only to have her say "Well, these contractions are too far apart. I don't think you're ready to push."
WHAT?
"Yeah, I mean. I don't see a baby," the dude fireman said.
"Yep, nothing crowning," said the lady.
I stuck my hand up there, now worried that the head of the baby I felt wasn't really a head. And maybe these contractions weren't push contractions.
But then I had to push. And I did. And nothing really happened.
"Do you want to check me?" I asked.
"Nope" they said. "But really, we don't see a baby."
At that point, I was so incredibly freaked out, but also in enough pain to know better that I figured if they couldn't see the baby, then maybe I would show them.
And so I did.
I think the dude grabbed the baby. Or maybe she just came out on her own.
But it was fast. And easy. And done.
To the fireman's credit (later learned that his name was Kelly), he and the female EMT did a great job of cleaning the baby up, checking her out, and making sure everything was okay.
They also popped me pretty quickly into the ambulance, where my series of tweets began, and drove me to my hospital where the baby and I were attended to by some great nurses, including my midwife, who thanked me for at least letting her deliver my placenta.
The irony is that I had to stay an extra day to wait for sepsis tests to be done since my daughter was born at home and not at the very clean and sterile hospital. Ha.
(They also don't know my home. Or my husband).
But I'm thankful that we're all safe, healthy, and home. Again.
The bed is surprisingly in tact. As is the carpet.
And I'm not sure I'll ever look at our local firemen the same way ever again.
I love reading birth stories, thank you for sharing. With my last child I was having Braxton Hicks but they were close together and pretty painful. I was like you I didn't want to wait until the last minute and have the baby at home. So I went for two false labor runs and made it to my due date only to find out my baby was breech.
Posted by: Christy | November 13, 2012 at 11:54 PM
You. Are. Awesome.
LOVE the name. Congrats lady!
Posted by: VDog | October 27, 2010 at 01:27 PM
Wow, what a story. Congrats!
Posted by: wm | October 27, 2010 at 12:35 PM
wow, congrats! so glad everyone turned out healthy and safe :-)
Posted by: mommynamedapril | October 26, 2010 at 08:38 PM
Congratulations! I am 20 weeks pregnant with my first so after reading this story I'll probably be at the ER 2-3 times before going into labor! Ha!
Posted by: Shelley | October 25, 2010 at 01:42 PM
Congrats Kristen! She is beautiful! My hubby is a paramedic and i am just waiting for the day he has to deliver a baby :) So glad i found this so i can keep up with you!!!!
Posted by: Amanda Miles White | October 24, 2010 at 09:39 PM
That has got to be one of the best birth stories I've heard in quite a long time, although the story of my midwife's water breaking in the middle of Disney World does take a close 2nd place! Bridget is just gorgeous! From one of your former students :)
Posted by: Kara Holman Walls | October 24, 2010 at 08:54 PM
And people think c-sections are scary. Sheesh.
Congratulations! As if I could possibly admire you any more than I already do...
Posted by: Julie @ The Mom Slant | October 24, 2010 at 06:45 PM
That was phenomenal. I want to see you tell the story on Oprah. Congratulations, and welcome, Bridget!
Posted by: Delilah S. Dawson | October 24, 2010 at 06:36 PM
You are effin' amazing! I heart you, big time. I was seriously stalking this here blog and your tweets waiting for the "she's here!" announcemnent. I need a life. lol.
Seriously though, congrats!
And, Bridget is a wonderful name. Works so well with the other three. :)
Posted by: Maria | October 24, 2010 at 06:09 PM
You are amazing! Absofreakinlutely amazing!!! And? I love how you set the bar so high for all of the pregnant women bloggers reading your blog. See bloggers? THIS is how it's done when you are a good blogger and know your readers want a GOOD story! (Kidding! For real! I can joke since I am in no danger of ever getting pregnant again.)
Seriously, I admire you, Kristen, to the depths of my souls. Congratulations!
Posted by: Jenn | October 24, 2010 at 04:46 PM
Best birth story ever! Lesson to firemen and medics - when a woman about to have her *fourth* baby says the baby is coming, she means business!
P.S. Love the four fingers pic, too cute!
Posted by: Alicia | October 24, 2010 at 01:58 PM
So happy for you luv! And of course, what a crazy frikkin' story!
Posted by: Boston Mamas | October 24, 2010 at 10:57 AM
congratulations, Kristen! she's a beauty, with a beautiful name.
Posted by: Bon | October 23, 2010 at 09:03 PM
Great story! My daughter was just born at home after an "OMG It's not a kidney stone" moment 5 weeks ago. Fortunately we have an EMT who lives nearby scoot down here real quick because she didn't wait for the ambulance to arrive.
No good looking EMT's for me either, embarrassingly enough one of them was my uncles best friend. Yup, uncles BFF has seen my nether regions after I was past the age of diapers...I may never be able to look at him again. In a round about way my daughter is named after him, his name is Gary her middle name is Grace.
And Jen, thank you for that link with the stork pins! I've been racking my brain for 5 weeks now what to get the crew and now I know!
Posted by: Cheryl | October 23, 2010 at 10:43 AM
WOW. Laugh. WOW. Laugh. WOW!!! That was me, reading this. Oh my gosh. THANK GOD our bodies know what to do, huh? You are a superstar, amazing story...no one is gonna one up you in the birthing story department! :)
Beautiful girl with a beautiful name!
Posted by: Jenny | October 22, 2010 at 04:16 PM
Amazing! You! Are! Amazing!
Congrats, Kristen!
Posted by: Susan @WhyMommy | October 22, 2010 at 03:44 PM
Best birth story ever (CONGRATULATIONS!!!!)
Posted by: Liz @thisfullhouse | October 22, 2010 at 03:00 PM
Best birth story ever (CONGRATULTIONS!!!!)
Posted by: Liz @thisfullhouse | October 22, 2010 at 02:59 PM
What a story! You rock. Congratulations again - she's beautiful.
Delivering on the side of the road was my biggest fear when I was pregnant with my second child. My OB tried to reassure me by saying only one of his patients in all his years hadn't made it to the hospital - and she delivered in her garage. I think I'd prefer the guest bed.
Posted by: Carmen | October 22, 2010 at 01:19 PM
Love this story!
Posted by: Ry | October 22, 2010 at 10:30 AM
LOL, That sounds like mine, except I was planning a homebirth and everyone was rushing to get to me. My son had been a back birth too and I was just expecting it to hurt more, it never did, and then there was the baby.
Posted by: Melanie | October 22, 2010 at 10:29 AM
Awesome story! Seriously? We don't see a baby? I think you should have a few more since that delivery was so easy. (ducking)
Posted by: Sue @ Laundry for Six | October 22, 2010 at 09:53 AM
"Unnerving" is the word that immediately comes to mind.
Aren't you glad Mr Uncensored is so meticulous now?
Posted by: The Muskrat | October 22, 2010 at 09:36 AM
I knew that the anticipation, the set up and drama would be a riot of the hilarious…just remember in your best-selling book and the-made-for-television-movie you can have a blast in the direction of the casting of the male and female firefighting EMT’s. Love the name Bridget; she sure picked a fun and lively family to join! Congratulations!!!
Posted by: Stacey Kannenberg | October 22, 2010 at 09:16 AM
Wow, that is a wonderful birth story! Hooray for no back labor! So glad you and the baby are doing well.
Posted by: Angela | October 22, 2010 at 07:25 AM
Brilliant. Way to go!
Posted by: Amanda | October 21, 2010 at 10:53 PM
Gorgeous girl, beautiful name, and the best birth story ever. You are a rockstar, Kristin.
Posted by: FishyGirl | October 21, 2010 at 09:58 PM
I'm grinning like an idiot reading this. Partly because I've had back labor and you nailed it, but also because DUDE. Best birth story EVER.
Posted by: Chicky Chicky Baby | October 21, 2010 at 09:42 PM
I LOVE her name. Love, love, love, love.
And I love the story, you, your adorable family and even those firefighters. Yay for great birth stories!
Posted by: Fairly Odd Mother | October 21, 2010 at 09:15 PM
Um, WOW! You're such a freakin' rockstar! So glad you're all ok. Congratulations!
Winks & Smiles,
Wifey
Posted by: Wifey | October 21, 2010 at 08:55 PM
AWESOME.
Posted by: Gret | October 21, 2010 at 08:27 PM
Wowza!
That read like something you would see on TV... except with hot firemen. Probably with Eddie Cibrian.
Again, Congrats!
Posted by: Amira | October 21, 2010 at 07:49 PM
Congrats on the beautiful Bridget and FABULOUS birth story.
And having been a firefighter and trained to be an EMT I confirm no one wants that call (scary!) and they both deserve stork pins.
Posted by: Amanda | October 21, 2010 at 07:28 PM
As an EMT, nursing student, and having a husband is who's a firefighter paramedic I must say your 'home birth' seemed textbook perfect. And those are the calls we absolutely dread, whether you're a woman or not. No one in an ambulance or fire truck wants to be on the catching end of that pitch. Its so nerve wracking and knee trembling! Make sure those two firemen get their stork pins. Here's an example!
http://www.savelives.com/cgi-bin/instock.pl?thisaction=step2&group=11&subgroup=15&fquery=&begin=0&itemnum=storkbpin&itemspot=0
And of course, congratulations!! :)
Jen at Cabin Fever in Vermont
Posted by: Jen at Cabin Fever | October 21, 2010 at 06:42 PM
Awesome story! A baby who comes in the world with such excitement is bound to do great things.
Posted by: Keyona | October 21, 2010 at 06:36 PM
Note to self: should I move to Hotlanta, check the local fire stations before buying a house.
(I mean, srsly, I currently live just down the street from the fire station, and I'm happy to report that the majority of my neighborhood's finest definitely ARE, in every sense of the word, fiiiiine.)
Posted by: Jaelithe | October 21, 2010 at 06:34 PM
Dude, I live in Atlanta, too and I am also shocked at the lack of hot firemen. What the hell? When I call 911, I expect to be saved by someone with big arms and a five o'clock shadow. No wonder I never get offered those firemen calendars you hear so much about.
But! I loooove this story. I just started reading your blog and stalking your archives about a week ago, but am a total fan. Congratulations on your family addition! Can't wait to hear more stories.
Posted by: Samantha | October 21, 2010 at 05:56 PM
Now that is a birth story! Congrats!
Posted by: Mel | October 21, 2010 at 05:35 PM
Wow, what a story! I'm really glad for you that it wasn't a long, agonizing labor. And of course, I'm glad that all are healthy. :)
Posted by: Brenda | October 21, 2010 at 05:34 PM
Congratulations! What a great story! I am one day past my due date and your story has me thoroughly entertained...
Posted by: Catherine | October 21, 2010 at 05:09 PM
That's a great story! You are awesome! And thank goodness you at least knew what was going on.
BTW, my favorite line from your entire birth story was the tweet: "Midwife on phone. EMTs kept saying that they didn't see anything so I just pushed baby out. Do you see it now!?" OMG, so HYSTERICAL! Way to keep your sense of humor!
Posted by: caramama | October 21, 2010 at 05:00 PM
Wow, what a story! Congratulations!
Posted by: Heather, Queen of Shake Shake | October 21, 2010 at 04:42 PM
Wow go Kristen, you win.My husband wouldve have melted into a heap on the floor.Im glad everbody is happy and healthy and home.
Posted by: Andrea | October 21, 2010 at 04:31 PM
haha awesome. just awesome
Posted by: bekah | October 21, 2010 at 04:19 PM
I saw the tweets but I love the whole story. Yay, you guys!
Posted by: Angella | October 21, 2010 at 04:08 PM
Fantastic story! And I love the name!
The sepsis test part cracks me up, since two out of my three were born at home (but on purpose), one in my bed, and one in my bathtub.
Posted by: JCF | October 21, 2010 at 04:06 PM
Congrats! Great story. I planned my home birth, but whenever I tell people I delivered at home their first question is always "Was that on purpose?" Never a dull moment in your house :) And Bridget is a great name!
Posted by: Sarah | October 21, 2010 at 03:39 PM
Congratulations!!!! Now get some sleep! :)
Posted by: Katy YO | October 21, 2010 at 03:31 PM
Un-freaking-believable. You'll be able to re-live that story FOREVER.
Congrats again, so glad both of you are healthy and well. Little baby smooches to Bridget.
Posted by: Goddess in Progress | October 21, 2010 at 03:28 PM
Nice a homebirth, I had one of those last month but it was planned that way! Congrats!
Posted by: Candace | October 21, 2010 at 03:11 PM
Congratulations!
Posted by: Kate | October 21, 2010 at 03:08 PM
Congratulations! What an exciting day.
Posted by: Asianmommy | October 21, 2010 at 02:28 PM
Welcome Bridget! And thanks for scaring the crap out of me, as I'm due with #4 in 4 months, and we live farther from the hospital than we ever have before!
Posted by: Amy Jo | October 21, 2010 at 02:07 PM
So excited for you, and so glad it all was ok. My friend had her baby on accident at home and she still runs into the firemen that showed up LOL. I had my baby at home, but alas, no firemen. :)
Steph
Posted by: Adventures In Babywearing | October 21, 2010 at 01:59 PM
Wow! I'm glad everyone's ok.
I worry about having an unplanned homebirth. I go fast, too (last labor was one hour, nine minutes, and I'm 30 weeks pregnant with #3). It's nice to hear that it can happen, and everyone can be fine, and you end up with a great story.
Posted by: Amy | October 21, 2010 at 01:53 PM
Congratulations! I look forward to the carpet and guest room renovation posts...
Posted by: julie @ Mommy Said What? | October 21, 2010 at 01:50 PM
Welcome to our world Bridget! I can't wait to see how you're going to top the next birth story :) hee
Posted by: Tia | October 21, 2010 at 01:42 PM
Congratulations!
Posted by: Julie | October 21, 2010 at 01:41 PM
Oh. My. God.
Congrats!
Posted by: Sarahviz | October 21, 2010 at 01:14 PM
Congratulations. Bridget wins best birth story, hands down.
Posted by: Marketing Mommy | October 21, 2010 at 12:45 PM
Yay for you and your 'finest in the eye of the beholder' vagina!
Posted by: KMayer | October 21, 2010 at 12:07 PM
Wow! I had heard that the more kids you have the easier labor and delivery can be but that is just amazing. Scary yes, but at least you were not in a long back labor this time. I am very happy for you and so glad that every one is ok. Congratulations!
Posted by: Melinda | October 21, 2010 at 12:05 PM
Love this! Congratulations.
Posted by: leigh | October 21, 2010 at 11:59 AM
Hooray! So glad she's finally here. (And what an entrace.) Way to go, mama.
Posted by: agirlandaboy | October 21, 2010 at 11:58 AM
Wow. Just wow.
Posted by: mbbored | October 21, 2010 at 11:57 AM
Welcome Bridget! What a birth story. Congratulations! Her name is beautiful. No...really.....I mean it ......I named my second daughter Bridget, that's how much I like it. She flew out too which is more than I can say for her elder sister and younger brother. What a lovely new family!
Posted by: K | October 21, 2010 at 11:55 AM
OMG!!!!!!!!! What a story!!! And you were tweeting??? OMG again!
Congrats on the birth of your sweet little Bridget (love the name) and congrats on not ruining the bed and carpet, too! Ha!
Posted by: Kay | October 21, 2010 at 11:43 AM
Congratulations! That's definitely a crazy birth story. I bet your husband had that room so clean after the delivery.
Posted by: elz | October 21, 2010 at 11:40 AM
Congratulations! What a great story. I always wanted a home birth and very nearly had one with my second - wish I had waited a few minutes longer! :) xo
Posted by: Lindsey | October 21, 2010 at 11:39 AM
What a great story glad it all went well for you and your new little bundle !
Posted by: habanerogal | October 21, 2010 at 11:39 AM
HOLY CRAP!! You don't do anything small do you???? Congrats and she is beautiful!
Posted by: Jennifer | October 21, 2010 at 11:36 AM