Pick your battles

The combination of separation anxiety and the sleep regression that will never end has officially put the fear of God, or at least, whomever willed it that I would have a child still in my bed when I am soon to have another child in my bed.

All this from a person doesn't really love having any children in her bed. And from a child who was, by far, my best sleeper.

Sweet, torturous irony.

I opened the section of my favorite sleep book for parents to the section on the 18-22 month sleep regression and I swear it said "Sleep train your 2-year-old? YOU HAVE LOST YOUR FRACKING MIND."

And really, anything you read about this time in a toddler's development can be paraphrased down to: "Stick it out, sucker."

For awhile, I was freaking out - desperately trying to get her to at least sleep on her own mattress on our floor, hoping the now vacant trundle in Quinlan's room that was occupied by her brother up until last week when he moved back into his own room would entice her.

No such luck.

Instead, she would just scream her bloody guts out, keeping everyone else in the house awake.

So I've resigned myself to laying with her in my bed until she falls asleep, then moving her to her own bed, and then bringing her back into mine when she wakes up screaming at 2am because the two feet between us is too damn far. 

I suppose this is all reorienting me back into newborndom, since I'm waking up every few hours to turn her around or cover her up.

The only difference is that my boobs are well rested and I'm not changing diapers in the dark.

Hers or mine.

If there's anything I've learned over the last six years is that there will always be battles. I've just got to choose which ones I'm willing to fight and the ones where I know I'm going to win. 

Comments

[caramama]

I totally relate to the sleep issues.

Best thing we ever did to help our own sleep when my daughter was 18 months old was put her in a "big girl" bed. That way she could get herself out of bed, open her door, come into our room and climb into our bed (we have stairs by the bed for the dog--and children too, I suppose) ALL BY HERSELF! It saved us from having to get her and deal with her in the middle of the night... mostly. But we don't care if she's in our bed, as long as we can all mostly sleep through it.

But I wish for you the same miracle that happened to us right when our boy was born. The 27 month old girl actually started sleeping through the night, and it lasted for at least 2 months, giving us the ability to focus on the newborn! When she started waking and coming back in our room and bed again after that perfectly-timed hiatus, we were all able to resonably sleep through the different wakings. If that makes sense.

Anyway, good for you picking your battles, and good luck with the upcoming nights!

[The New Girl]

The ones that you can win are the only ones you should pick. Is what I'm saying.

Oh, man, though. Sleep issues SUCK SO HARD.

Love to you, friend.

[Jodi Hansen]

Oh and the safety nobs that you buy at walmart are a pretty easy fix to keep them in their rooms if you don't want to reverse the door nobs.

[Jodi Hansen]

They will eventually give up screaming I promise. I went through this for a couple of weeks with my 2.5 year old. I started bringing him to bed with me for fear he would wake up my other child with his "bellowing". Started a huge problem where I would put him in bed at night and he would immediately lay on the floor of his room by the door so he could scream at me louder " MAMA MAMA MAMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA". One night I recorded it pretty sick huh? He would fall alseep on the floor and wake up later when i was sleeping. I finally stuck it out a couple nights on the couch with ear plugs in ears pillow over my head. I did not interact with him at all though no checking nothing. I finally won. Thank god my daughter didn't wake up though I am lucky. Good luck. If you feel guilty when they are yelling remember it is healthier for her (?) if she sleeps through the night and mom just might not go insane. Two year olds are not allowed to act like newborns damn it!

[TanJay]

I thought for sure I was the only crazy mother out there putting my child into bed with me until she fell asleep and then moving her into her own bed.....AND then going back in the middle of the night when she starts screaming and bringing her back to my bed. WOW, thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing that. Makes me feel so much better. Fact is, I LOVE, ADORE, CHERISH my sleep....and will do whatever it takes to get it every night.....though now I'm really wishing I would have listened to my husband when he suggested sleep training her at 10 or so months old. Now we're screwed because she's almost 2 and knows exactly how to work mommy so she can get in my bed!!!

[Jenny]

The most annoying thing about it all is that it was the previously BEST sleeper. It's like you think you've gotten that one in the bag. You've bragged about it even, and then BAM right before the baby comes (okay 6 months before but whose counting - it was your LAST months to sleep before newborness sets in) your best sleeper turns into your worst sleeper and you want to die.

Oh gee, you must say, thanks for the recap, Jenny. :(

Just trying to say I feel you. I THOUGHT I'd read every book on the subject, but I might have to read that one, just so I can keep my title. Self given, of course. But that is a wildly interesting and obvious point. To a sleep obsessed person like myself.

Now my 9 month old boy is my best sleeper (3rd child, you know, the one you and Jillian helped me lose all the weight from). And everyone is raving about his sleep and I'm all like, yeah, number 2 was even better than this at this age, until she turned 2 so I'm not braggin'. Nuh-uh, I'm not braggin' this time...

[Just Jess]

I hear ya too. My three kids (now 10 y/o twins and a 5 y/o boy) were awful sleepers at that age. They'd keep coming out of their rooms at night, trying to not only crawl into bed with me, but to trash the house and help themselves to snacks from the kitchen.

I ended up getting a doorknob cuff and putting it on the inside of their door so they couldn't let themselves out. It worked wonders. They'd try the door and after realizing they couldn't open it, would eventually give up and go to sleep.

I toughed it out through a few nights of them howling, but they eventually realized they weren't getting out (and I wasn't coming in) and they ultimately went to bed quietly from then on.

This strategy also depends on your kid not being early to potty train. Luckily by the time my kids were getting up to use the bathroom at night, they were used to the drill of going to/staying in bed.

Good luck to you!

[katie]

Both of my boys have had the same 18-22 month sleep problems. I made the same choice with both of them and put them on a full size mattress on the floor in their room (shoved up against a wall). I lay down with them until they go to sleep and when they wake up screaming bloody murder I go in there and lay down with them again. Sometimes I fall asleep with them but its not problem since it is a full size mattress. If they fall off the mattress, no big deal (which they never have).

It has worked quite well because they are not in my room and eventually I started to wean them off me laying down with them. I highly recommend.

[Issa]

You and me both babe.

I have decided that my son, just isn't a good sleeper. Eventually he will learn to be quieter about it. God willing.

Hey, maybe one day, he'll even sleep in his own dam room. Oh and then maybe my six year old will too. Sigh.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Sing it sister. As someone who woke up with her newly-6yo son pressed up against her head on her pillow this morning, I'm all for doing whatever it takes to get rest in this household. And, I never, ever judge others about how they deal with sleep issues.