Motherhood Uncensored

Just lucky.

I was armed and ready to fire when a mom in the grocery line asked me "Is this your fourth?"

I generally respond with a fake chipper "Yes!" which is always quickly followed by some form of "Oh you have your hands full, your poor son (when they find out it's a girl), I can barely handle even [insert number of kids less than four]!"

And I respond with a smile and a friendly "Oh it's never a dull moment, he'll have lots of girlfriends to pick from (thanks for that one, Mom101), *it seems to get easier the more you add."

*(Seriously, can I be more full of shit?)

I've yet to snark anyone, mind you. However, I'm nearly 35 weeks along and with this heat and these thighs, well, it might just happen yet.

And look, I get it, these days four kids seems like the rarity, though I seem to remember someone telling me that four kids is the new two kids.

Or maybe that's just all the TLC I'm watching. 

However, this mom said "Lucky you!"

It took me completely off guard. She knocked the rifle right out of my hands and left me scrambling to pick up my ammunition from all over the floor.

She continued that she would have to wait five years to try to have a second. And then I bumbled on about "Oh my gosh, that's so long! And yes, I'm so fortunate..." Oh hell, I have no idea exactly what I said.

When you're deep in the trenches of mostly alone parenting, racing around town to various activities, wiping snot on your skirt, and watching the clock for bedtime, you don't exactly rip the bare sweaty back of your legs off the leather seats of your car and say "Damn, I'm so lucky!"

But I am.

And I'm thankful to that mom for reminding me of such. And for giving me the best come back line ever.

"Oh my God. You must be crazy to have four!"

Nope, just lucky.

Be a Better Parent Challenge - Day 24 - More about choices

Okay, before today's challenge, let me update you on the exciting illness saga in my house:

- I'm almost better (knock on wood)

- Quinlan is now sneezing and blowing her nose again, but she never seemed to get over it the first time so maybe this will be it.

- Margot's nose is running like a faucet, but that usually means there will be no ear infection, so wipe I shall do. With a smile even.

- Drew is snotty and coughy but pleasant.

- And my husband is the winner - he's stuck in Pittsburgh with a massive ear infection which he got from flying with the cold. Hopefully the antibiotics will get him home this morning.

And there you have it. We actually have planned a babymoon to Hilton Head this week, still with all the kids, but a little vacation nonetheless, so I'm hoping the beach air will help. That is if my husband can get home without blowing an eardrum (a very scary and real possibility).

Now, it seems like folks really responded to the choices challenge yesterday, so let's continue on with it. This is really quite simple and also, a bit of a play on semantics, but it's something I feel very strongly about.

#24: They're not "good" or "bad;" but their choices are

From the very beginning, we've always told our kids "good choice!" or "that wasn't a great choice" to instill in them that they are, in fact, awesome, wonderful fabulous people. None of this "good boy" "bad boy" crap.

However, it is their choices that can be "good" or "bad."

When you think about it, this makes a whole lot of sense, and it's much easier to explain to your kids, particularly when you've put their little butt in time out.

Some people use "right" and "wrong" choices, and I imagine there are plenty of variations, but suffice it to say that this works well in facilitating a discussion about making choices, which I think is something important to do now when you have major influence over those choices and the consequences that come with them.

What do you think?

Be a Better Parent Challenge - Day 23 - Give 'em choices

Only a little over a week left, folks. I hope you're still with me. And that you and your family are feeling better for it.

Speaking of feeling better, it's been a weekend of snot, coughs, and fevers around here, so I'm reallllly hoping that the end is near. At least to this cold we've all had.

And I do hope you found some ideas for date "nights" with your kids. I realize that those are a little hard to do impromptu, but you can certainly plan ahead. Like those organized peoples do. Heh.

Alright, so for today, let's talk about choices - specifically giving them to your kids.

#23: Give 'em choices

Giving your kids choices is a fantastic way to get them to do what you want without a battle (ha) but also to allow them some control, which is super important - particularly for the younger set (i.e. 2-5ish). The key here is to only give them TWO.

While my husband is notoriously TERRIBLE at this but I consider myself to be the world's greatest choice giving champion.

Forget "What do you want for lunch?" questions and give them options. Just two.

Or when it comes getting out of the house "You can put your shoes on and come with us, or leave them off and stay here."

My favorite: "You can pick up your toys or go to the corner." Heh. Desperate times, mamas.

Anyway, you get the idea. Now go forth and give choices.

Got it?

Be a Better Parent Challenge - Day 22 - Dates with your kids

Whether you've got one kid or a bunch, it's really important to spend individual time with them. It's obviously a little easier when you have just one, and then, increasingly more challenging the more you add to your brood.

But it's become much more of an urgent priority to me, particularly with my son, who as my 2nd born and now middle child rarely gets any time with either of us alone.

So #22: Plan a date night with your kids

Granted, it doesn't need to be a night, obviously, and it certainly doesn't need to be anything extravagant. In fact, it could be something that you always do together, month after month. Breakfast out? Trip to a special playground? An afternoon at a museum? 

There are so many fantastic ways for you to connect individually with your kiddos, especially outside of your home, which always seems to be bogged down with 400 things that you need to do other than spend alone time with them.

And how did faking it go? I'm seriously faking it until we're all well again, which God I hope is soon.

Be a Better Parent Challenge - Day 21 - Fake it

So the entire house has now been officially taken over by the cold that will not die - little Margot being the latest victim, and she's hurting. Or really, I am because she's attached to my hip now and won't let go.

Granted, the rest of us are pretty much on the up and up. That only took almost three weeks (WTF?!). But I'm still exhausted, coughing, and fending for myself while my husband heads off to Paris.

Don't even get me started.

But I do want to say that while I wasn't really able to journal as much as I'd like to, and really, the days as of late have been complete survival parenting, yesterday's challenge is really at the top of my list. And is a really good one to put at the top of yours.

I stole today's challenge from my good friend, The New Girl, so you should go over to her blog to read about it. She is actually a certified parenting expert of sorts, without the hoity toity attitude, so it's worth going to check it out.

Challenge #21: Fake it

Her post covers curtailing your "anger" (which she determined was more of an impulse control issue rather than anger) by actually faking it. Rolling your eyes, moving along, and pretending.

You'll see in the comments that she's not at all saying that you should fake how you're feeling. Big difference. So that's not what I'm talking about at all.

But in many cases, we often let ourselves blow up quickly when really, if we just rolled our eyes and looked at the bigger picture, we'd have way fewer massive blow-ups.

Happy Saturday!