Motherhood Uncensored

Mommy's Little Cliche'

If you've ever been secretly smug (me!) or breathed a sigh of relief (so me!) when you've seen a toddler throw a demonically possessed tantrum in the middle of the grocery store aisle then I'm going to wager a guess that you've only got a couple of kids. Not that my first two were angels recently graduated from Emily Post's school for Well Behaved Toddlers or anything but along came my third child, or as I'm lovingly calling her - the little cliche' that has bitten me square on the ass cheeks.

I can remember only one time in the history of parenting my older two kids that one of them sprawled themselves on the ground screaming. Mind you, it was a doozy at around 5am at the Philadelphia International Airport, but I think we can all say that sometimes having to deal with TSA can make a grown adult do such things.

But Margot has absolutely perfected the stopping, dropping, and rolling, kicking and screaming on the dirty ass floor which is pretty advanced when it comes to fire prevention but not so great when you're just trying to find a bra with two different sized cups at Victoria's Secret. I can't even figure out exactly what sets her off - days that start with "T" or "S"? The zit on my chin that I can't stop picking? BP?

But something will set her off and she'll go from insanely sweet and adorable to "I'm going to cut you with my handmade toothbrush shank" in three seconds flat, and there is no consoling or bartering or even completely paying her off with sugary substances.

It's Three Mile Island - and I'm cleaning that shit up with a Swiffer.

And now she's decided she hates pants. Or shorts. Or bloomers. Or now even dresses.

Sometimes. I think. Maybe.

Which, if you're following all this, is basically all clothing except shirts, which she will happily wear and does so in our house but alas does not look that great in public places, except while playing in a yard with wheel-less cars up on bricks and washers and dryers on the porch.

No offense to those of you with washers and dryers on your porch. Well, working ones anyway.

We figured out that she kept waking up at night because her legs were getting cold, so now we have to sneak them on her in the middle of the night.

They're pajama pants. Last time I checked, they never hurt anyone. In fact, they're actually kind of cool in that THEY KEEP YOUR LEGS WARM AT NIGHT LITTLE GIRL.

Yesterday afternoon she picked a onesie out to wear to dinner, but then fought us while we tried to put that on her. You'd think that we were chasing her through the house with a gigantic cleaver in our hands and yet it's a dress she just happily wore the day before.

And all those times I remember hearing these "urban myths" of toddlers who don't like to wear clothes and would sooner spend the day completely naked.

Little did I know that they were all third children. Cute and charming as hell, and apparently sent to us to ensure that we get the full parenting experience we so willingly signed up for.

Be a Better Parent Challenge - Day 27 - Celebrate good times

Today is my husband's birthday and he'll be celebrating alone on a golf course this afternoon. I'd take 18 holes of complete peace and quiet. And I don't even golf.

But, you don't need a birthday to have a reason to celebrate.

#27: Celebrate good times - big or small

If you know my in-laws, then it shouldn't surprise you that they are the Chairman and CEO of the "under celebraters" club. Aside from a few cool birthdays growing up and way too much money spent on crappy toys at the holidays, they rarely ever celebrated any sort of achievements, big or small.

This also means that my husband is an under celebrater himself, which, I might add, really sucks. It's great that you don't want anything for any holiday or any occasion, but some of us other people *ahemcoughcough* actually enjoy getting stuff.

Sigh.

My mom was the complete opposite, which I love, and hope to aspire to with my kids. She's super thoughtful, but not extravagant, so the gifts or sentiments were always small but meaningful.

This doesn't necessarily mean you have to throw a party, but what about dinner out, or flowers, or a special cake? I'm pretty sure that you can't celebrate your kids enough. d

So happy birthday to my husband! And hopefully you'll find a reason to celebrate today or in the near future!

A few good WAHMs series - Cecily Kellogg from Uppercase Woman

Cecily has been working in marketing, PR, and event coordination for over fifteen years. Since 2008, Cecily has used her highly successful blog and social media presence as well as her influence and access to create social media campaigns and blogger outreach projects for multiple organizations. In addition, Cecily does Social Media 101 and Momosphere 101 presentations to organizations, and speaks extensively about social media at conferences. And her hair is really awesome.

Tell us how you came to be a WAHM, Cecily - did you work at home prior to having your daughter, Tori?

No. My husband has been working as a freelancer off and on for over 20 years, and has been working from home since 2002, but I didn't become a freelancer until a year after Tori was born. I tried to keep the job, but every day I left Tori at home killed me a bit.

What's your childcare situation - and how did you come to that decision?

By the time Tori was eighteen months old, it was clear she was a little bored with us. So we started her in a local church's "Parent's Morning Out" program, from 9-12 three mornings a week. This went so well that a year later we went to five mornings a week. Then just this winter we went to 9-3 five days a week; once Tori gave up her afternoon nap, we were finding it very hard to actually get work done. Now she loves school. This fall she'll be doing a long day again.

How does your daily schedule work?

My husband and I are NOT morning people. Because we're both home, we alternate who gets up with Tori every morning. My day typically begins, work wise, after Tori has gone to school, although I do usually check email and check in on Twitter, of course, before starting to actually work.

What's the most challenging aspect of WAHM-dom for you?

Probably time management. I have a difficult time making the best of my time.

Since you and your spouse work from home, you spend a lot of time together, how is that in terms of your relationship?

Challenging. Mostly our parenting relationship is fine, although sometimes I feel like my husband "gives in" to Tori's manipulative behavior more than I like. Other than that, we're fine. Personally, we need quality time alone together; hiking, hanging out in the city, something like that. We don't get nearly enough of that.

I'm guessing you're a pajama worker. Am I right?

I'm in my nightgown right now. Admittedly, I've only been up for a half hour or so.

What are the biggest benefits that you perceive from being a WAHM?

The freedom and flexibility, by far. The ability to not work with people I don't like. The lack of staff meetings.

You are completely entrenched in social media as a widely sought after social media consultant. How do you disconnect (or do you?) - and how do you maintain a personal and professional identity when they are often one in the same?

I don't know, honestly. I'm still figuring this shit out. I'm going camping this weekend, and it will be the longest I've been away from a laptop in, well, years. But I'll still have my iPhone. Disconnecting feels scary to me, like losing an arm. But I know that I need to get better about the time I spend in social media, and focus that time on other things.

What do you perceive as the most misunderstood aspect of working from home?

The cash flow. I am constantly working hard, yet constantly waiting on paychecks. People don't realize that companies often sit on their invoices from subcontractors, and I've had to wait 60 to 90 days for payment on work I've done. This makes balancing your budget impossible.

Secondly, a lot of people get impatient with me when I talk about money and suggest that I should just "get a job." But the truth is, the work I do pays very well, and finding comparable pay in this economy as an in-house employee is impossible. Trust me, I've tried.

Looking back, what advice might you give yourself when you started working from home? What advice can you offer other moms who are finding the balance to be challenging?

Don't join Twitter. It eats up my whole day.

Really, though, I'd just say try to have a schedule. I feel like I've gotten worse at managing my time instead of better. I could easily increase my productive time with better discipline.

What's been the biggest tool to making your life more organized as a WAHM?

Using a calendar. Stupid, I know, but I have only recently gotten diligent about using it.

Be a better parent - Day 26 - How to say sorry

So I'll make like a mom of almost four and not ask you if you got any sleep because I know that's the dreaded question that no one really likes to be asked, however, if it's a matter of you making a decision to go to bed early rather than you having to deal with a sleep-fighting kid, then I hope you did try to get to bed a little earlier. Even a committment to going to bed 30 minutes early every night.

Now let's talk a bit about apologies - not yours (which are important) but the ones your kids need to make. Usually this happens between siblings around my place, and while I'm pretty vigilant about making them use an appropriate tone and look the person in the eye, as well as explain what they're apologizing. But earlier this summer, I heard a mom use a brilliant dialogue with her son (I wrote about it before because I thought it was so great), and I'm trying to be more consistent about implementing this.

Challenge #26: How to say sorry

So, the story goes that this mom and I were at the pool while our kids were taking swim lessons, and prior to them starting, her son tossed a flipper in the direction of a college girl sitting on the side reading a book. It wasn't purposeful but it landed right near her and sort of splashed some water up.

The mom called her son over and asked him the following questions:

a) What could have happened?

b) What do you need to do to make this right?

I love this so much, mostly because I think it's so important for kids (particularly when they are at the age to do so, mind you) to understand the reasoning behind an apology, and to learn something from what happened.

Pretty cool, huh?

Be a Better Parent Challenge - Day 25 - Get Some Sleep

Alternate title: "Don't take a night time road trip with while sick with a sick spouse and sick kids"

Okay, so it wasn't that bad, but it's realllllly hard to be a better parent in the car with a kid screaming for no reason, and then the same kid waking up every hour calling for you when you just so happen to be sleeping in the same bed with her.

Bad combo.

But hey! We're at the beach. And the kids are still fighting and driving me nuts, now just with sand in their butt cracks (heh).

Needless to say, sleep is super important to everything you do, particularly parenting skills. When I get it, and really, it's a matter of me forcing myself to go to bed early, I'm a much better parent.

#25: Get Some Sleep

I realize that it's not always feasible for folks to get a full night's sleep, but set your Tivo or DVR, put some projects and emails on temporary hold, and get some sleep. It's really quite amazing what an extra hour (or 4) can do.