Just the two of us

With all the joy that I have about adding another kid to our household, I still have one nagging bit of sadness:

The knowledge that the dream of going away alone with my husband, even spending a night by ourselves, will slip decidedly from my grasp.

Since having children over six years ago, we've never been overnight together alone, a regret that makes me weepy every time I think about it.

It's certainly not for a lack of desire, but rather a combination of difficult circumstances - breastfeeding babies, far away families, and challenging work schedules. 

I know that if we had tried hard enough or made it a priority, we could have made it happen. But we didn't. Or rather, I didn't - mostly because I wanted just one thing that I didn't have to plan. 

My husband is full of great ideas, none of which ever actually happen. Instead, I'm left hearing about them all after the fact. And then left to just doing it myself if I really want to get it done.

"I was going to rent a plane and fly you to New Orleans to propose" he said. Instead I found my ring under a bowl on our bed.

"I was going to get my mom down here to watch the kids so we could go away" he told me. But apparently there was only one weekend that it could happen on and that since came and went.

Sometimes I wish he'd just never say anything.

Leaving two kids would have been a no-brainer. Three kids is a bit challenging for my mom and my in-laws, but still doable.

But four?

Not likely.

Life will go on. We'll charge forward as a family of six.

And one of these days, it'll happen.

I hope.

Comments

[Jennifer]

No! Don't feel this way - I promise you will get plenty of alone time with your husband (or self, or girlfriends...). I have five now, the youngest is one and a half and we have plenty of dates/sanity time for mom. I've found that I would rather have a good sitter or two (I only need one since the older two are young preteens/teens) over a pair of expensive shoes or what have you...and I second the babymoon comment. We did that, too, and it really helped. You'll get through this time.

[OMSH]

Jeff and I have 3; and it has been only the last 3 years we've lived in the same town as my parents. I remember crying in Georgia because there was no one to give us (me) a break.

What we ended up doing was trading date nights with another couple. Every other Thursday the wife would come sit at our house at 8:00 after the kids were in bed...we stayed out 'til midnight or so. Then, on the nights we were to watch, Jeff or I would go over there after they put theirs down. It was kinda like babysitting, but less involved.

[Nicole M.]

Oh man I am so sick of the "I was going to"'s

Any I know what you mean ab lacking time alone w hubby.. No one can manage my three :(

[mom101]

I'm very familiar with the "I was going to..." routine. I know it's the thought that counts but you know? Sometimes it's not enough. I say plan a night. Just one night. Find a B&B and make it happen. I insist.

[carolyn]

My sister and her husband have 3 kids and anytime family is visiting, they plan an overnight at a local hotel, and leave the kids at home with the visiting family. Sometimes, iys granparents, but more often it is siblings. We get to have a fun night with the kids and they get a fun night alone, together. Win-win

[Melissa Beth]

Divide and conquer. I leave the youngest with the more energetic Grandma and the boys really seem to enjoy the one-on-one time for the night. When reunited, they are best friends again. I know... harder than it sounds, but worth it.

[tara]

oh, i hope you do, as impossible as it sounds.

4 is to hand off, or trust, to the hands of others but gosh, i really want you to.

[Kristy]

One of these days, yes...I agree with Shawna! Babymoon! DO IT.

[MU]

Haha Candace. I guess I should go now - or maybe make it a vasectomy celebration weekend away, eh?

And I agree, Deb. Leaving 3 with them has been pushing it. I think 4 would send them (and probably me - with worry) over the edge.

[prescott]

Don't worry, 2026 is right around the corner!

[Greg]

nah nah nah. You can pull this off. Don't try to hit a homerun on the first time away and you'll be able to do this more often than you think. After your 4th comes along, ask your MIL if she would watch for one night. Sell it to her if you have to. Make it easy that she or they can stay at your place so the kids won't have to uproot and it will be easier on them/her. Then do it again a couple of months later. I promise you, everyone will win. Even grandparents enjoy a one-night stand once in a while.

as I side note, I saw something or heard something once that made a ton of sensem me: after you have decided on having no more kids, you are now on the clock to button up your relationship with your spouse. You basically have 18 years until you are left staring at each other and hoping the other person still feels as good about you as you do them. You can either choose to utilize all 18 years to really have your marriage revved up by that time OR you can wait until the last kid is 17 - and by then you're most likely f**cked. But no one else will give this to you, you have to make it happen and take what you want.

So there you go. Get on priceline and get the one with the hot tub and the on-demand porn.

[ClumberKim]

I'm in a similar boat. It's been over five years since we had time alone, and our next plan is for 2013, our 10th anniversary. It will require flying someone in to care for the kids. I hope we can make it happen. I hope you can too.

[Deborah]

We're totally in the same place--except now I'm more hesitant because I'm not sure THEY can handle it. I know I'd go away, but I fear for my childrens' safety--and I wasn't that worried before.

Ah, well. Someday.

[JCF]

Yes! Do it now! Even if it is only a couple of nights at a resort in town. You will be so glad you did, if you're able to swing it before the baby is born.

We left the two kids with grandparents before the third was born last month, and I was super stressed about the planning/leaving/purchasing of plane tickets/etc. However, once it happened it was wonderful.

[Candace]

When my tot was 14 months we brought Nana out here to watch her so we could spend the night away. We had a really awesome night, a little too awesome, and came back pregnant.

See what happens when you go away for a night!

[muskrat]

Sure it will...after the new baby finishes nursing in a year or so.

[Shawna]

Babymoon!!! Go now for weekend away. Divide them up - the oldest to a friend - the younger two for grandparents. Just do it!!!