Be a Better Parent Challenge - Day 9 - Find your triggers

It's true that a break from the kids can do wonders for your parenting skills. It also means that you can get a little overwhelmed when you get home from being without them for four days to having them all over you for the next however many hours straight.

If there's anything that doing this challenge has done it's made me more in control of my actions and reactions. I think much more about what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it, regardless of the day's challenge.

I've also been writing down my triggers, which are often related to the following:

• lack of sleep;
• my attempt at doing way too much on my own (as in, trying to do work, kids are downstairs playing then fighting, me losing it);
• and my frustration with things that are out of my control and/or things not directly related to my interactions with my kids (i.e. fights with my spouse).

Case in point: My daughter's 2-week long cold (and cough) that is still here upon my return from BlogHer. I get super anxious when my kids are sick and I actually find myself being less understanding (which I realize is odd). It's like I'm annoyed with the cold itself so I take it out on her. She's now got a fever and a stomachache (off to the ped today, apparently), so then I end up feeling like an idiot when I get snippy with her.

So Challenge #9: Find your triggers

The ability to figure out what sends you off the deep end and into the abyss of parenting madness is the first step in keeping those outbursts to a minimum.

Comments

[Momlissa]

Wow, really great post - My triggers are definitely lack of sleep, 3 children screaming at me at once for different things, feeling overwhelmed & losing it.

[Di]

Oooh, this was a good one. Triggers include, hunger, thirst, migraines and my own procrastination. I find that I tend to leave everything too long, and then I get frustrated that things aren't happening as fast as I think they should.

[Sandrine]

I just came upon this coming back from holiday, so haven't been following the challenge - but this installment is really helpful! I reckon I'm in denial. My husband is always telling that when I'm trying to do too many things at once I snap at the children. I deny it all, that I'm trying to do to much (who is he to tell me how many things I can fit in between 8 and 9 am on a saturday?) and that I snap. Unless you and he are conniving or something, I think I'm going to have to rethink this... But also, lack of sleep, and worry about my autistic son's progress and whether we're doing enough for him. These are definitely triggers.

[Everyday Kathy]

I love your challenge! I blogged about it over in Everyday Mommy today!

[How Does She Do It Mom]

I learned over the course of my two and a half years as a single mom that I had many triggers that would cause me to "lose it" on the kids. Thankfully I learned quickly.

A stressful or long day at work, not getting enough sleep the night before, a messy house, too much laundry piling up...it was ridiculous.

One day it hit me when my little boy looked at me and asked "Mommy why are you upset with us...we didn't do anything" WOW it hit home!! I learned to talk myself down...remind myself that they are just kids and it is not fair for me to place my burdens on them.

On the cusp of going into a few weeks where my fiancee has to be out of town and the stress of having to carry all of it on my shoulders again...I find myself thinking often about making sure not to take out on them my shit!

Loving this series of posts btw!!

[Candace]

Good one but certainly the hardest. Sometimes it feels like everything is a trigger when you are pregnant with a toddler or just have a toddler.

I'm going to have to really think hard about this one...

[Mama Bub]

I'm a little behind, but I so needed these posts, and these challenges. Being tired and hungry are my two biggest triggers. Particularly, now that I'm nursing and go from mildly hungry to OHMYGODFEEDMENOWORIWILLEATMYARM hungry in a matter of minutes.

[Bill]

Lack of sleep = NUMBER ONE!

Also, trying to work while the kids are around is big. I find myself getting super annoyed that they want to - gasp - play with me. I need to get better about unplugging when they're home.

And I don't know what exactly counts as the trigger with this one, but my daughter is almost 6 and so sometimes I can interact with her like an adult, and she's reasonable about things. But more often than not she acts like a 5-6yo, and this can annoy the crap out of me. Like I'll actually say "What's wrong with you?" when she does something "wrong"...not my finest parenting right there. But really, the answer to what's wrong with her is that SHE'S FIVE! When I actually step back and think of her like a 5yo, things get better.

But mostly it's lack of sleep. *yawn*

[Melanie]

Internal triggers for me are of course lack of sleep, but also too many people around and too much noise (ie my spectacular mommy meltdowns at a hockey game and at the Olympics downtown fun), and small spaces (ie the laundry room, or even sometimes a car, and it's worse if I'm being pushed).

Yeah. I'm nuts. And more than a little claustrophobic.

Behavioural triggers? When Cameron's too tired, and starts doing that aimless glazed eye can't stand still constant activity thing. Like kicking stuff, swinging legs, jumping, wandering. And I look like a freak, yelling at a 4 year old, "Can't you stand STILL? Just. Stop. Moving!"

[Kristin]

My triggers are easy. Lack of sleep (which I just typed as sleeve) is a big one for me. Another trigger is asking the kids to help with cleaning up when I know darn well that I should just do it myself (as in now)

[Debi (Truthful Mommy)]

No sleep is definitely a trigger of mine, also fear( if I am worried or afraid about something concerning the kids),and hunger. Hunger makes me insane:(

[Vicky]

I really love this challenge. Today this was so on the mark. I didn't sleep well, I'm so close to my due date and in pain (contractions all night and then Poof! nothing) that this morning I lost it on countless occassions. That play-doh we all got at Blogher was confiscated before 8 a.m. As were all the other goodies I brought home.

I a.) need to know my triggers better like lack of sleep and b.) need to have this baby!