Be a Better Parent Challenge - Day 4 - Get down on their level

It must be some sort of Murphy's Law that the week I decide to be a better parent, I've got a babysitter and a husband home plus the BlogHer conference coming up, which means I'm getting more breaks from the kids than usual.

It also means that next week is going to be a real bitch.

I will say that even though I didn't have as many opportunities to use something other than "Good Job," this whole week I've been much more mindful of how I'm interacting with my kids. And for that, I'm thankful.

Challenge #4: Get Down On Their Level

I learned this lesson during my undergraduate education (music therapy) but it's a skill that should be applied to parenting. I tend to be pretty good, though I will say bending down and squatting are not so pretty when you're 8 months pregnant.

However, when you're speaking to your children individually, or when you're giving them instruction and/or reprimanding them, make sure that you are down at their level, talking to them directly as opposed to talking down to them - for various reasons - but most obviously because you'll know you have their full attention when you do.

There's also something to be said about speaking to the top of someone's head.

I make sure my kids hear me by having them say something like "Yes, Mommy." Otherwise, I never know whether it goes in one ear and out the other. And I figure that if they say "Yes Mommy," I have a verbal contract that I can use when they make a crappy choice.

So, try it. I think it's much more respectful and I also think that it will help you have to nag and repeat yourself less.

Or at least, here's hoping!

I'm tracking all the Be a Better Parent Challenges in case you want to join in!

Comments

[SoMo]

When I want to know if my children have listened I ask them to repeat what I said to them back. My son doesn't do so well, so he gets the same thing said to him a couple of times. My daughter does better. It may be age or gender not sure yet. I learned that in couples therapy. :)

I will, also, ask them why do they think I am angry with them. Gives me an idea of what is going on in their head and sometimes they confess to things I didn't know, yet. Sneaky, but it reinforces the idea that moms knows and sees everything.

[MU]

Yes, Fibi, but only if we make it through that month. Otherwise... well, we'll think optimistically!

[caramama]

Hey! Here's one I'm actually good at! Being 5'2" myself, I really get the frustration of having to constantly look up at people. Being eye to eye literally with someone is much more conducive to making sure you are seeing eye to eye figuratively with someone.

Also, like you said, I find I'm already being more mindful of my interactions with my kids thanks to these challenges! So when I yelled at my daughter this morning? I was fully aware I was yelling. ;-)

[Debi (Truthful Mommy)]

OK, I am on day 4 of the challenge and I am sharing with my readers. I think this is another awesome challenge. I agree with the previous commenter, I too knew to do this, but apparently Mommy brain has made me either forgetful or just lazy. Exhaustion tends to make my brain function less:) I am sharing this challenge with all my Mommy friends. You are making the world a better place! Also, yesterday's challenge... I was so much more specific. I could see the difference it made in my girls' eyes. It was like they knew I meant it.I was off autopilot. Wish I was going to BlogHer so I could meet you in person and thank you.Next year, I will be the random Mommy blogger telling you thank you for the challenge that changed my parenting life!Big Hugs! Have fun this weekend.
Debi
http://motherhoodthetruth.blogspot.com/2010/08/be-better-parent-challenge-day-4-get.html

[fibithinks]

Wow. I learned this working with special needs kids too. Why do I not utilize this with my own child? It seems that we forget a lot of important things we know when it comes to raising our own children. I guess we are busy and just need to slow down and focus. By the way, as we enter in to challenge #4, I already feel like I have raised my voice a lot less. I think this Be A Better Parent Challenge was a fantastic idea. My husband would totally appreciate your next challenge, the Try Not To Kill Your Husband challange!

[Rocat]

This is something I've always used. It is much more effective than talking to the air above their heads. I tell them to "look at my eyes" while I'm instructing/reprimanding/and, yes, complimenting them. I then ask if they understand and they need to answer "yes, mom" or "no, mom".
I must give credit to a child psychologist friend who suggested this technique. lol