Be a Better Parent Challenge - Day 24 - More about choices

Okay, before today's challenge, let me update you on the exciting illness saga in my house:

- I'm almost better (knock on wood)

- Quinlan is now sneezing and blowing her nose again, but she never seemed to get over it the first time so maybe this will be it.

- Margot's nose is running like a faucet, but that usually means there will be no ear infection, so wipe I shall do. With a smile even.

- Drew is snotty and coughy but pleasant.

- And my husband is the winner - he's stuck in Pittsburgh with a massive ear infection which he got from flying with the cold. Hopefully the antibiotics will get him home this morning.

And there you have it. We actually have planned a babymoon to Hilton Head this week, still with all the kids, but a little vacation nonetheless, so I'm hoping the beach air will help. That is if my husband can get home without blowing an eardrum (a very scary and real possibility).

Now, it seems like folks really responded to the choices challenge yesterday, so let's continue on with it. This is really quite simple and also, a bit of a play on semantics, but it's something I feel very strongly about.

#24: They're not "good" or "bad;" but their choices are

From the very beginning, we've always told our kids "good choice!" or "that wasn't a great choice" to instill in them that they are, in fact, awesome, wonderful fabulous people. None of this "good boy" "bad boy" crap.

However, it is their choices that can be "good" or "bad."

When you think about it, this makes a whole lot of sense, and it's much easier to explain to your kids, particularly when you've put their little butt in time out.

Some people use "right" and "wrong" choices, and I imagine there are plenty of variations, but suffice it to say that this works well in facilitating a discussion about making choices, which I think is something important to do now when you have major influence over those choices and the consequences that come with them.

What do you think?

Comments

[Jodi Hansen]

I like the idea of good or bad choice. I have called my daughter bad girl a couple of times and knew it was a terrible likely scarring thing to say. Bad choice it is.

[rachel]

Yep. I hate the good/bad labels applying to the actual children, as well. And one could take it even a step further and say there are no good or bad choices, only choices that lead to desireable or undesirable consequences. I think the lesson that every action results in a consequence (good/bad, desireable/or not) is most important.

[Rocat]

I love this one! I agree whole-heartedly. I tell my kids that they made a bad choice or are behaving badly. I also tell my 2 year old that she's not being a good listener, but I always try to let them know that they are good kids and that they can make better choices next time.

[Lisa]

I agree. We have always tried in our home to put the emphasis on "right choice" or "wrong choice" not "good or bad boy." We do the same with accomplishments ("good job!") because their "goodness" is not determined by how well they can throw a ball or write their letters either.
Great post!

[Angela]

I couldn't agree with this more!! In fact, I just had this discussion with my boys the other day. They had done some not-so-good things, and were on restriction (i.e. computer privileges taken away). We were getting ready to go to the pool and my 6 yr old said "But why would you want to take us to the pool if we are bad?" I cringed at hearing that last phrase, and immediately clarified that they were GOOD - in fact, awesome! - boys...it's just that they did something bad (but now reading this, I like using the word "wrong" or "not right"). As I made sure they understood how GOOD they were as human beings, it was reminded that YES, the very boys who had been fighting non-stop the entire day were definitely very GOOD and AWESOME kids...and it helped shift my focus to the positive!! Thanks for this great reminder. :-)