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August 02, 2010

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Nice respond in return of this matter with genuine arguments and explaining everything on the topic of that.

Do you have a spam issue on this blog; I also am a blogger, and I was wanting to know your situation; we have created some nice practices and we are looking to swap methods with other folks, why not shoot me an e-mail if interested.

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Love your posts! Keep it up!

Education system affect person's ability, isn't?

Boy Child definitely ratchets up the noise/anger/hitting/door slamming when I get angry and yell.

We've made daily behavior goals: Kind words, gentle touches, Big Boy Voice, and Calm self down.

I have to help a little with the calm stuff down. Kneel down, look him in the eye, put my hands on this shoulders, and have him take deep breaths seems to help bring him out of pre-tantrum.

I didn't do so well - she brandished a black marker over the red couch. I lost it. Yelling, timeout, the whole-shebang. She cowered, and cried.

I apologized and made the rest of the day better. Today, I will strive.

With older kids, this is an interesting challenge. When I read it two days ago, I thought, "well, we've outgrown that." But then last night, my 14 yo spent dinner in a snit about whatever it was that popped into her head or out of any of the rest of our mouths, and I spent the meal contemplating either sending her to her room for the entire evening, or leaving the table myself to go hide in the bathtub ...

I chose neither. But I was definitely angry.

This works WONDERS. My kids don't know what the hell to do if I am actually CALM when they piss me off. Just hold it in, then get it all out when you run or hit the gym. I'm not 100% there, but I am getting much better. Wrote about this last January:
http://www.momimprovement.com/parenting-tip-shut-up/

I'm constantly trying to remember this. I will work on it again today.

Something that I find helps me and my daughter (son is still too young) is that when I feel myself getting mad, I tell her. Sometimes she is doing something innately Three and not worthy of punishment, but other times she is doing something she knows she shouldn't. It helps me keep my cool better if I flat out say, "Pumpkin, Mommy is very grumpy and tired, and I'm getting very frustrated with your behavoir. I'm trying not to get angry." Or sometimes I just warn her that I don't have much patience, so we need to cooperate with each other. Add in other variations.

Point is, by saying it out loud, it's easier for me to keep myself in check. And by giving my daughter some warning, she often checks herself before things escalate.

I have managed to figure out how to do this...it was mostly trial and error but I realized a while ago that my son in particular listens more and takes the "punishment" more easily when I am not angry.

So I always speak calmly (well almost always) and very matter of fact and it works so much better. He actual reflects on what has happened!!! AWESOME!

I'm doing it. While I'm outside watching my girls drive around in their Barbie Escalator (as they call it), I will be smiling at them, reading and plotting future..un angered punishments:) I'm also sharing my results with my readers. Hope this catches on. It really is a fab idea! I think a book could be made of this!Here's to punishing without anger!
Debi
http://motherhoodthetruth.blogspot.com/

Crack it open, Debi. It's a super easy read. Just get the idea of how it works and start. It's what we use around here and it's great. Key is to not be pissed when you're counting - hence today's challenge :)

GOOD LUCK!

DAy 2! I am in.AS I said yesterday, I passed the challenge on to my readers and I have a few following as well. This is a wonderful tool.What are your thoughts on the 1-2-3 Magic? I have the book...its been acting as a dust accumulator on my coffee table. I'm cracking it open! I'll be back tomorrow. Yesterday was good. I tried to listen..though I did miss Bella's first shoe tying:( happy Mothering!
Debi
http://motherhoodthetruth.blogspot.com/

I'm with TNG. I pretend. Like Mary Poppins on crack. HA! I'M NOT MAD! HAPPY HAPPY!

I'm doing this.

* 15 year old will benefit the most from this challenge, I find I lose my patience quickest with PEOPLE TALLER THAN ME.

Ha- FOM - I thought of that the other day. Being a better parent does require time away, methinks. Ahem.

And Delilah - how did you know?

This is my challenge, man. I wrote a WHOLE POST about it. lol. I just pretend, sometimes. It helps me to keep my wits about me.

I find that my urge to act out is directly related to how much/little sleep I've had. It helps to remember on a morning of little sleep the night before that I might have to *pretend* not to be mad today.

Punish without anger is such an excellent reminder. Having 2 kids is a lot like constantly being in stop-and-go traffic. I imagine that with 3 1/2 kids, it's a lot like being in traffic with no air conditioner while listening to a Michael Bolton song again and again and really having to pee.

I need to work on this too... I know the theory but too often let my frustration/impatience/annoyance rise a bit too high ... even though I've had the proof many, many times that when I am calm, and do not yell or speak in a cranky voice, the discipline can be achieved with virtually no conflict.

I think I'll join you for Be A Better Parent Days 5-8 which will probably include: Take a Much Needed Break from the Kids. ; )

I do love rethinking things as a parent though. There are so many different ways to do it and we can learn so much from each other.

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