Be a Better Parent Challenge - Day 2 - Punish without anger

It's amazing how just focusing on being better makes everything go more smoothly. Like my husband arriving home from flying a red-eye to taking my kids alone to Super Target to my son completely breaking down in an "I should not be awake right now and am oddly acting like a crazed pregnant woman that you might be familiar with" tantrum.

Overall, my day went well, though it helped that it was a weekend for me and that my husband was home - both of which meant that I was able to spend more time with the kids and less working. I did notice as I was leaving Target and realized that a) I could not find my keys and b) I had left my Soy Misto at the Starbucks counter that I completely brushed my daughter off who had just figured out how to blow a bubble with bubble gum, which is basically like a rite of passage that deserves more than I gave her.

"Great! Now where the heck are my dang keys and coffee!"

I did backtrack once I got my head together, apologized to her, and tried to start fresh. That actually worked well and I plan on doing that again when I find myself not listening and just rushing through a conversation with them.

So, Challenge #2: Punish without anger

Hooooo boy. This should be interesting, but also, not completely ridiculous because my husband is home and my sitter will be here briefly in the morning, so that means I should be jazzed up with extra patience.

Should.

But today, I'm going to really focus on using the 1-2-3 Magic, as well as the corner and other punishments (taking away privileges and toys is big time around here) without raising my voice or yelling.

It's only one day, right?

I find my ability to do this is directly related to what I'm doing (working as opposed to other things - like housework, etc.) as well as what's been going on during the day. We'll see how well I can hold it together tomorrow.

It's okay if you're late to the party - feel free to join in. There's no reason that you can do two or more challenges in one day. And how lucky your kids will be.

Michelle B. did suggest Mr. Linky, but I admit, I'm not a huge fan of his (sorry Mr. Linky), however, if you are following along daily, feel free to leave a link to your post in my comments. No spam, or weird links to porn though, please. I get enough of both and will delete if it's not directly related to the challenge.

Also, I'm very anti-spanking, at least when it comes to kids anyway (ahem). So, just keep that in mind if you're a big time spanker.

Comments

[jordan sneakers]

Love your posts! Keep it up！

[Jordan 1]

Education system affect person's ability, isn't?

[Karen (SubMommy)]

Boy Child definitely ratchets up the noise/anger/hitting/door slamming when I get angry and yell.

We've made daily behavior goals: Kind words, gentle touches, Big Boy Voice, and Calm self down.

I have to help a little with the calm stuff down. Kneel down, look him in the eye, put my hands on this shoulders, and have him take deep breaths seems to help bring him out of pre-tantrum.

[Di]

I didn't do so well - she brandished a black marker over the red couch. I lost it. Yelling, timeout, the whole-shebang. She cowered, and cried.

I apologized and made the rest of the day better. Today, I will strive.

[Suzie]

With older kids, this is an interesting challenge. When I read it two days ago, I thought, "well, we've outgrown that." But then last night, my 14 yo spent dinner in a snit about whatever it was that popped into her head or out of any of the rest of our mouths, and I spent the meal contemplating either sending her to her room for the entire evening, or leaving the table myself to go hide in the bathtub ...

I chose neither. But I was definitely angry.

[Shannon]

This works WONDERS. My kids don't know what the hell to do if I am actually CALM when they piss me off. Just hold it in, then get it all out when you run or hit the gym. I'm not 100% there, but I am getting much better. Wrote about this last January:
http://www.momimprovement.com/parenting-tip-shut-up/

[caramama]

I'm constantly trying to remember this. I will work on it again today.

Something that I find helps me and my daughter (son is still too young) is that when I feel myself getting mad, I tell her. Sometimes she is doing something innately Three and not worthy of punishment, but other times she is doing something she knows she shouldn't. It helps me keep my cool better if I flat out say, "Pumpkin, Mommy is very grumpy and tired, and I'm getting very frustrated with your behavoir. I'm trying not to get angry." Or sometimes I just warn her that I don't have much patience, so we need to cooperate with each other. Add in other variations.

Point is, by saying it out loud, it's easier for me to keep myself in check. And by giving my daughter some warning, she often checks herself before things escalate.

[Carrie]

I have managed to figure out how to do this...it was mostly trial and error but I realized a while ago that my son in particular listens more and takes the "punishment" more easily when I am not angry.

So I always speak calmly (well almost always) and very matter of fact and it works so much better. He actual reflects on what has happened!!! AWESOME!

[Debi (Truthful Mommy)]

I'm doing it. While I'm outside watching my girls drive around in their Barbie Escalator (as they call it), I will be smiling at them, reading and plotting future..un angered punishments:) I'm also sharing my results with my readers. Hope this catches on. It really is a fab idea! I think a book could be made of this!Here's to punishing without anger!
Debi
http://motherhoodthetruth.blogspot.com/

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Crack it open, Debi. It's a super easy read. Just get the idea of how it works and start. It's what we use around here and it's great. Key is to not be pissed when you're counting - hence today's challenge :)

GOOD LUCK!

[Debi (Truthful Mommy)]

DAy 2! I am in.AS I said yesterday, I passed the challenge on to my readers and I have a few following as well. This is a wonderful tool.What are your thoughts on the 1-2-3 Magic? I have the book...its been acting as a dust accumulator on my coffee table. I'm cracking it open! I'll be back tomorrow. Yesterday was good. I tried to listen..though I did miss Bella's first shoe tying:( happy Mothering!
Debi
http://motherhoodthetruth.blogspot.com/

[MichelleRenee]

I'm with TNG. I pretend. Like Mary Poppins on crack. HA! I'M NOT MAD! HAPPY HAPPY!

I'm doing this.

* 15 year old will benefit the most from this challenge, I find I lose my patience quickest with PEOPLE TALLER THAN ME.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Ha- FOM - I thought of that the other day. Being a better parent does require time away, methinks. Ahem.

And Delilah - how did you know?

[The New Girl]

This is my challenge, man. I wrote a WHOLE POST about it. lol. I just pretend, sometimes. It helps me to keep my wits about me.

I find that my urge to act out is directly related to how much/little sleep I've had. It helps to remember on a morning of little sleep the night before that I might have to *pretend* not to be mad today.

[delilah]

Punish without anger is such an excellent reminder. Having 2 kids is a lot like constantly being in stop-and-go traffic. I imagine that with 3 1/2 kids, it's a lot like being in traffic with no air conditioner while listening to a Michael Bolton song again and again and really having to pee.

[Emma]

I need to work on this too... I know the theory but too often let my frustration/impatience/annoyance rise a bit too high ... even though I've had the proof many, many times that when I am calm, and do not yell or speak in a cranky voice, the discipline can be achieved with virtually no conflict.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

I think I'll join you for Be A Better Parent Days 5-8 which will probably include: Take a Much Needed Break from the Kids. ; )

I do love rethinking things as a parent though. There are so many different ways to do it and we can learn so much from each other.