Be a Better Parent Challenge - Day 19 - Let the other parent parent

Yesterday, my happiness was courtesy of allergy medicine that knocked me out halfway through the afternoon and rendered me fairly unconscious until this morning. Of course, then I was made very unhappy when my husband woke me up from a DEAD SLEEP after dinner time to help him with bath time.

Cue a series of expletives and really bad parenting on my part because I was completely delirious trying to deal with a sick kid. Not pretty at all. Meanwhile, he's been sleeping in for the last three days and I haven't woken him up to help me make breakfast or wrangle the kids.

Let's just say I was livid.

So we'll deal with all that nonsense later (because hello, how can he not realize that he's been almost completely helpless for the last 3 days and I've been doing it all alone - oh right, that's because I usually do almost everything on my own), but there is part of all this that has informed today's challenge.

(I'm trying to turn lemons into lemonade here).

#19: Let the other parent parent

I'm not sure whether this would easier for me if my husband was home more so that I'd be used to having another parent in the house, but it's very hard for me to keep my mouth shut and let him do his parenting job. I trust him implicitly with the kids, so it's not that I'm worried something will happen, but when I'm here, and I hear the weird things he says, or has them do, or whatever it is that I'm listening to from upstairs, it's super hard to let it go.

If the kids were somehow in danger, then I'd obviously say something. But they're not. 

The thing is, I know I say and do stuff that sounds ridiculous too, but he never says anything. And honestly, sometimes I wish he would. It's nice having a referee!

I do believe that there is a fine line, particularly when one of the parents is escalating, for the other parent to step in. That's what I believe co-parenting is. When I'm about to lose my shit, I really want my spouse to step in and give me a breather.

Sadly, that doesn't happen as often as I'd like - mostly because he's gone, but also because I'm not sure he really knows what to do. Really, I just need someone to say "Kristen, calm down for a second. I'll handle this." I think stuff like that can save both parents from unnecessary outbursts.

So today, do your best to let your co-parent (if you have one, that is) parent the kids in his/her own way. And if you have criticisms or issues, wait until after the kids are gone (or asleep) to discuss them.

Now to heed my own words.

Comments

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[ABCfibi]

I am such a control freak that this is really hard for me. Really hard. In fact, I think I have ruined my husband because I hear him say "Let's ask Mom" to our daughter a lot, even if she wants juice or a snack. I really do need to be a little more flexible, and I have actually been trying to lately, since I think that it is important that our daughter thinks that her dad knows what he his doing. Whether I think he does or not, LOL.

[Debi (Truthful Mommy)]

I feel your pain. My husband is out of town all week and its hard for me to relinquish power when he is here on the weekends. Though sometimes, like when I am beyond spent and zombie like exhausted,I wish he could come in and rescue me.I think its hard for him to feel comfortable co parenting when he is only here on the weekend because he feels like his time is so limited with them that he doesn't want to be the bad guy. But its not fair that I have to be the bad guy ALL the time either. I want to be the fun one!WAH!WAH! (that's me crying because I'm so tired and it was the first day of kindergarten today and its all I can muster!The big guy did come in to hold my hand for that..of ocurse he started tearing up and though it was endearing..it was absolutely of no help to my emotional state:)

[jade]

thanks for the encouragement! loved this post!