I'm not exactly sure what how yesterday went completely to hell, but it did. I'm going to chalk it up to my daughter's two week long cold that has her coughing and snotting but now also a bit cranky, tired, and feverish (on and off) which is a rarity for her.
Another trigger: When my usually awesomely awesome kid is whiny and cranky. Cue crazy parent.
Add in my lack of sleep, fights with my husband, piling work, general overwhelm, and the fact that I'm also fighting something off and well, I lost it pretty royally, which really sucks because I lost it on a kid who probably has some sort of sinus or respiratory infection THAT SHE CAN'T CONTROL.
(We're off to the doctor today. I can't wait until they tell me how sick she is so that I can feel really fucking fantastic about myself).
It's an out of body experience sometimes when I lose it. I can see myself acting like a complete fool and yet I just can't stop it.
I imagine it's somewhat like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
I apologized. I asked for forgiveness. I explained that I made a really bad choice and that sometimes I do that.
And I'm trying to remind myself that I'm not perfect. And that it's okay.
These things will happen, even in the midst of a better parent challenge.
So challenge #11: You're Not Perfect and That's Okay
If you fuck up, acknowledge it. And do your best to let it go. Too bad I did the fun one yesterday. But heck - nothing wrong with being the fun one two days in a row.