It's easier to get married and have a baby in this country than it is to get a driver's license. The more I let that thought roll around in my head, the more it bothers me.
I watch these bridal shows, like "Say yes to the freaking ridiculous $5000 dress!" And I read the stories and watch the movies, many of which end with the predictable climax - big fantabulous wedding, closed- mouth kiss, racing off in a car to some castle with small talking animal servants.
Where's the whole have babies, bicker all time, wonder what the hell you were thinking when you said "forever?"
I know relationships ebb and flow, and that life, with whatever side winding asshole pitches and awesome unimaginable gifts it sends, is a sum of ups and downs and backs and forths.
I have fastened my seatbelt. I'm clutching my barf bag.
But why does no one give you the Dramamine as a wedding gift?
The $200 sugar bowls. The crystal champagne flutes that will never see the light of day.
Who really needs that shit? Are they going to pick up the laundry? Feed the kids? Catch your tears?
Regardless of how long you knew your spouse before they became your spouse and then your baby daddy, lump on the couch, or fleeting apparition, the whole marriage thing is hard.
The whole married with kids thing is harder.
I know, I know. You're so much closer to your spouse than before. You feel more like "yourself" now than you ever did now that you've popped out a few kids and banged the same dude for 10 years.
I'm just trying to figure out a way to communicate my healthy cynicism and critical view of "the happy ending" to my children without being the pathetic parent that offers some cliche' rendition of "you're too young, you have your whole life ahead of you, learn from my mistakes!" or that scares them into a monastery.
I do believe in happy endings.
I'm clicking the heels of my worn out flip flops and reminding myself that there's no place like home.
I just don't think it's the same thing for everyone.
And I think sometimes it takes a lot of really crappy beginnings and middles to get you there, all of which are really, really hard to explain to your children.