A Few Good WAHMs - Whitney Moss from Rookiemoms.com

Welcome to the first interview in my "A Few Good WAHMs" series: Whitney Moss! She's the co-founder and publisher of RookieMoms.com, an indispensible resource for new moms, and 510Families.com, a local guide for parents in the East Bay region of the San Francisco Bay Area. She lives and works in Berkeley, CA with her husband and their children, Julian and Scarlett.

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MU: You've been at this WAHM for awhile now - what's it like being an "old pro?"

WM: I don’t feel like an “old pro;" I feel like I’m still working it out. I’m so glad you are exploring this topic because until very recently, it never occurred to me to start asking others how they manage their time, but I’m extremely excited about learning from everyone else. I always feel like the clock is ticking and that I’m trying to cram everything in. Ironic, of course, because my objective is to be cool and collected and to enjoy the flexibility. For example, it’s 11 am and I am just sitting down to the computer for the first time today because I was doing drop-offs and then a huge grocery run (with one foot in a walking cast.)

MU: Your kids are in school full-time, and were since you started as a WAHM. How did you come to that decision?

WM: I was inspired to leave my office job, where I worked in Marketing for LeapFrog Toys because I wanted to write a book proposal for The Rookie Mom’s Handbook. I felt like I couldn’t focus on it with my work responsibilities and motherhood as my two other top priorities (in reverse order, by the way!) My husband’s career is very stable and afforded us the ability for me to scale back and explore a switch to freelance marketing work, which we knew would have ebbs and flows. What has happened instead is that blog-related work has become a more rewarding thing to focus on and I’m doing less and less marketing consulting. That’s just a really long way of explaining why I am just beginning to identify with the term WAHM. I thought I might be on site with different clients as much as half-time.

I don’t believe one can get actual work done while watching small children. You cannot have conference calls, write well, or do research. And you certainly can’t take in person meetings. Hence, I only plan to work while my children are at school. I hope this doesn’t come across as judgmental, but I don’t really think it’s fair to the children either. I want mine to have my eye contact and attention and not feel that they are competing with my Blackberry. Which, by the way, they are, because it is addicting and I do struggle with putting it away.

MU: I admit that the one thing that really inspired me was how you completely turned off once you picked up your kids from school. It really got me thinking that perhaps my kids aren't benefiting from me not having more work time set aside because they're not getting as much alone time just with me. I might feel better about not having them in full or even part time childcare, but it made me wonder if it was the best thing.

So, does that make it easier for you to have a start and finish to your "work" day?

WM: Well, by 9 am I have dropped off both of my kids, and then I have until 2.45, when I need to head out to pick them up. I spend from 3 to 8 focusing on my kids. My goal is to carve out this balance where I get a 25 hour work week, and get to enjoy being out and about with my kids the rest of the time. If a client or partner requests it, I might take a call during the afternoon playtime, but I don’t suggest it. I consider myself unavailable until my husband gets home at 6.30 and prefer to not do anything else work wise for the rest of the night, but I do have deadlines and often end up writing blog posts between 8 and 10 pm.

Most days I block out my tasks on a Google Calendar. For example 10-11 is for my current marketing client. 11-12 is for RookieMoms.com, etc. Even if one of the hours is reserved for lunch and laundry. Or sometimes I write “kid stuff” in a time slot if I know I need to make phone calls about camp, lessons, or birthday plans. Then, inside the calendar appointment item, I put the details of what should be done.

The next day, I drag anything I didn’t accomplish over to that day. I never accomplish it all.

MU: Speaking of which, you mentioned that's one of your biggest challenges with being a WAHM - not being able to get everything done.

WM: I am always running out of time. Because my husband and I have designed this balance, I want to be able to get the groceries and do all the laundry during my time at home also so that we are not doing those things in the evening. As I have gotten more and more busy with work obligations, I have let the house stuff slide more than I would like. I want this to be as nice for him as it is for me. He has made it clear that he doesn’t want to come home to a stressed out, exasperated wife. He wants me to pad my schedule or get the help I need to make it all work out. (We all know the drill: Partner walks in door after 9 hours of work and 30 minutes of traffic. Mom thrusts baby toward him. “Here you go!”) Whenever I see him folding laundry now, I feel a little pang of underachievement.

MU: So has being a WAHM hurt or helped your relationship?

WM: Another compelling reason for our partnership to have one partner with a more flexible job is that so many things do come up where a parent needs to miss work. Although I still feel like I need to ask my husband to take off to accommodate some thing or an other, I do think that me handling doctor’s appointments, sick kid days, no school days, is a viable solution. The 50/50 solution is probably just as good -- it’s just not the one we’ve picked.

MU: Let's go back to this childcare issue that you mentioned earlier, because I bet a lot of WAHMs (I admit, I am one of them, but you've sold me otherwise!) feel as though they can split their time - kids and work. It sounds like you disagree.

WM: I don’t want women to believe they can work from home and not need childcare. I believe everyone needs a little childcare to focus on adult tasks, undistracted. To commit to producing quality work while a child plays baby dolls next to you or is at your breast, is an unfair expectation of yourself.

MU: But that's also one of the benefits of being a WAHM, right?

WM: I do feel like I’m having my cake and eating it, too.  I like to be engaged with the outside world, to stretch myself intellectually and to earn the respect of my peers. That’s what work gives me - in addition to money. I also love the relationship I have with my children and the fun we have together.

MU: Being so strongly entrenched in social media seems to bring another set of challenges - balancing the personal chat time as well as the professional "research" that does involve being deeply involved in social media. I struggle with this constant; for me, it was getting rid of Tweetie on my iPhone that helped!

WM: Perhaps this is why I never accomplish it all. Getting caught up with my Google Reader is a little bit part of the job! I need to keep tabs on what’s going on. I do a lot of the chatty stuff during my work time. Once I’ve got the kids with me in the afternoon, I’m mostly only reading on my phone, not responding. Or texting with my real-life friends, but I suppose every mom is doing that.

MU: Looking back, what advice might you give yourself when you started working from home? What advice can you offer other moms who are finding the balance to be challenging?

WM: Act like you have a job. Manage your time aggressively. When you need to use your flexibility to save the day, that’s the icing on the cake.

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[They really are that happy and cute and young looking in real life]

Stay tuned for more interviews as part of my "A Few Good WAHMs" interview series.

Comments

[Supra Shoes]

Your essay is good except for some spelling mistake.

[jordan retro]

think going to an office still makes WAHM-dom challenging, but I think it's also one way to deal with the challenges you have.

[MichelleRenee]

I have been a WAHM for 7 years. The only way I found balance was to work before all the kids got up. Up at 4:00 and done for the day at 8:00, sometimes there was overlap, but as my kids got older, they were always willing to watch WONDERPETS till I was done.

This school year changes everything since all 3 will be in school at the same time. I'll be able to work during the day. *I can't wait!

[fibithinks]

Thank you so much for this interview. I am a WAHM with a 3.5 yr old. My husband and I run our own sales business and he travels a lot making sales calls. I am home trying to input orders into the computer and answer mostly emails and a few phone calls. Up until this last year it has been a huge struggle trying to balance it all. I tried really hard to work before she woke up and after she was in bed, but she wasn't sleeping through the night and exhuastion set in. I think I am finally at a point where it is working for me. I work while my daughter is awake, but I stop what I am doing and tend to her needs throughout the day. She starts preschool this year so that will give me a few extra hours of un-interrupted work time. Now if I could just figure out if it will still work if we have another child.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Amanda - I do find that it's way easier to get work done with kids around when they are very little. There's just so much down time and they certainly don't need to be entertained and stimulated as much. (Or that's what I'm telling myself).

I think going to an office still makes WAHM-dom challenging, but I think it's also one way to deal with the challenges you have. I actually rent as part of a group office space; haven't used it as much since my sitter time has been cut down - but boy did it make a difference to GET OUT of the house.

[Amanda]

I have to be the oddball out here. I worked from home part-time after my son was born, and I didn't go back to work full-time until he was 9 months old. I realize that's a short timeframe compared to families with school-aged children, but I did find ample time to get work done. My job involved a lot of production, and aside from the odd fussy day, the situation was ideal. Do you think that being able to go in to an office 2 days out of the week negates the challenge of being a WAHM?

[Sam]

Good friends of mine went through a lengthy and heated divorce, battling over custody of their unborn child. (Long story) Hubby, the delusional asshole tried to get full custody because he worked from home 40+ hrs a week and did not want his kid in daycare. And of course you can care for a newborn through school age while working in the home all day doing a phone-heavy sales job. Eventually he learned that his idea was insane. My point: you can do awesome parenting and terrific work but not at the exact same time. It is like peeing with a boner I think.

[Realrellim]

Love the interview. I'm mostly a WAHM--"mostly" because I teach two online classes from home, but have to show up in person for the one classroom course I teach at a local college. All the prep work, grading, etc, is done from home. It's great to hear how others manage the kids, the work, and the house, because I've yet to find an ideal solution.

[Erin O]

I'm a WAHM and my daughter is still a toddler. I made a decision early on to only work when she was sleeping. That means I'm up at 4:30a and work until she wakes at 7a, then back at it during naptime and again after bedtime. For the most part, it's an okay schedule but it was born out of necessity...something about me in front of a computer or on a phone triggers wild mutant behavior from my daughter. I love to hear how other WAHM's schedule their day because I think there are little tricks we can all benefit from.

[mom101]

Love this and love Whitney! There's this odd misperception that if you work from home, you're not reallllly working. When I was a full-time WAHM people thought it was a luxury that I had a sitter too. But honestly, I could either get my work done or keep the kids from licking the light sockets.

[LauraC]

Love this interview!

I have been telecommuting for 5 years for a software company and my boys have been in day care full time since they were born. I frequently get asked if they are at home! I sometimes have one at home if they are sick but if both are sick, I can't get work done.

We've had a tough time balancing everything since my husband travels for work, so we recently made the decision that I would drop down to 32 hours (and my company is awesome about part-time). I have every Friday off but am keeping the kids in school. I find I am super productive on Fridays, keeping a list all week of the things I need to get done.

[RookieMom Whitney]

This is such an enlightening exercise to me. I think you and I both use similar terminology, imagining that we are "splitting our time" between work and kids, but we are seeing two different solutions. Can't wait to hear others weigh in. Thanks so much for having me do this!