When time stands still

I returned home to my dirty clothes still on the floor where I left them on my bathroom floor, the laundry I had folded piled high on the dryer, and a completely empty fridge.

It wasn't exactly the welcome home I wished for.

Even with my mom here watching the kids. Even with only two kids and not three.

I could list out a thousand evens.

Of course, a few spots on the carpet and couch had been steam-cleaned.

But like every single time I go away, they're in a holding pattern.

It's certainly no worse than it was when I left. But it's no better.

And really, I should be thankful. Everyone is alive and fed. Clean and bathed. Mostly happy.

And apparently it's just my job to pick up dirty clothes, put away laundry, and go grocery shopping.

Comments

[The New Girl]

I never get the chance to find out because I'M NEVER FRIGGING AWAY. lmao.

I hate coming home to a mess, though, and an empty fridge and dinner to cook.

When (note: not 'if') you live closer, I'LL do the return-home meal for you, like I do for my sister--the OTHER travel-a-lotter.

[Jessica@Team Rasler]

Ah, you (like me and most mothers I know) have the Default Parent tattoo on your forehead. It's not visible to you, of course, but your husband can clearly see it, as well as almost everyone else who babysits your kids.

I've tried to remove mine, but after two years it must still be there because my husband can hear the toddler wake up and start shouting, look at his watch and roll because surely the Default Parent is on duty, NOT HIM. And our house looks like yours when I get home, even from a few hours out, and he is always proud of some one random thing he did like replacing a lightbulb that's been out for three months but somehow didn't notice the dishes, the toys, or the laundry.

If you figure out how to remove your tattoo, please let the rest of us know. You will make millions.

[mayberry]

I just got home from being away for four days, with the kids and without the husband. He was SO proud that he stocked up the fridge before he left on a business trip and we came home. It's awesome that we have 10 lbs of lettuce and 3 kiwis. Guess what we don't have? MILK.

[Backpacking Dad]

Hey, at least the fridge was cleaned.

[elz]

...and make the lunches for the next day, and lay out the kids' clothes for school and activities, and ...My husband is a great dad, but does almost the same with my kids on the rare occassion he's left alone with them.

[Karen Chatters]

I went away for 2 weeks at one point. Every single toy was EXACTLY where it was when we left. Exactly. I could have killed P. I mean, I clean the damn things up EVERY NIGHT and he couldn't do it once in the two weeks I'd been gone? WTF?

[Jeanne]

Ah yes... because staying home with the kids for a day or a weekend or even a week... that's not the same as being the stay-at-home parent. For a few days you can ignore the laundry, you can order out, the kids can eat doughnuts for breakfast, stay up past their bedtime and have dessert at every meal.

You can fill a few days with fun and treats, how hard can it be to take care of kids when you don't have to drag them around to get the errands done, make sure they are eating healthy food SOMETIMES, brushing their teeth and getting enough sleep?

It's the grind that is hard. The endless days, the responsibility of keeping a long-term schedule with meals and doctors appointments and haircuts and clean clothes and appropriate manners... that's the hard part. And when you have someone else "worrying" about all that other stuff... gosh it must be a lot more fun to be a parent. I wish I knew for sure.

Just try not to deck anyone who tells you how lucky you are that he babysits for you. Like his mother... or maybe that's just my life.

[Amanda]

I think you are reading my mind! Just had a blowout with husband last night as I explained that it isnt just the physical act of 'babysitting' that is required but the mental space that is taken up of constantly having to be the one to plan and organize all the food, clothing and naps, even if someone else is 'babysitting'.

[Ade]

Oh man, I can totally relate! The house is constantly dirty, there is ALWAYS laundry, and I'm pretty much the only one who does it:(

[Tana]

I totally empathize. I work full time and nothing progresses while my stay-at-home husband is with the kids. At least nothing that I think it critical to our survival.

Stop keeping track. It’s going to make you crazy.

I think this is just another part of what we signed up for.

[Deborah]

Dude. Feeling your pain. Am constantly asking why the house is always a disaster on the days when I'm not there.

And the laundry: never-ending. Like that kid riding the giant dog through the sky. Goes on FOREVER.

[Adventures In Babywearing]

It's like that for me- even if I am going out with friends, I certainly pay for it because I will come back to what looks like the kids were left alone for a week, but I've only been gone four hours. There's never a break, never a true getaway for us.

Steph

[VDog]

KNOW YOUR ROLE, WOMAN!!

(I can leave for a DAY and my husband won't feed himself. Men are weird.)

[Debi (Truthful Mommy)]

I think. like me, you are in need of Silent Ninja Mommy Assistant:)http://motherhoodthetruth.blogspot.com/2010/06/wanted-silent-ninja-mommy-assistant.html it drives me nuts that it seems no one else can pick up the laundry, fold the laundry, load the dishwasher, pick up toys..oh the list could go on for days. Happy MOthering!