Potty in the USA

In my humble parenting experience, it seems as though Margot is ready for potty training.

Now I'm in absolutely no rush to get her potty trained, regardless of how many people tell me how much of a pain and expense it is to have two kids in diapers.

Meanwhile, they're not coming to your house trying to potty train your kid. Or driving around town having to stop at every single gas station and Target bathroom.

Potty training is rush week for parents. Without the parties. Or the Zima. 

First of all, the whole taking off the diaper and attempting to save it so you're not wasting the precious diaper just so they can sit on the potty and grin at you for 15 minutes while you wait to hear the sound of the tiny tinkle hitting toilet water leaves much to be desired.

I mean, you can spend half your week's grocery money on Pull-ups that tell you when they've peed, meanwhile it's clearly obvious because they're drooping off their ass and have turned four shades of whatever or have glowing stars on their asses.

Yes, I'm sooooo glad that I spent all that money so my kid and I can be alerted to her own bodily functions.

She already knows when she pees, as evidenced by the stacks of diapers that are immediately ditched all around my house.

Every now and then it's one of those diapers, which sends me off around my house like some sort of animal tracker, attempting to sniff out where she's been and what she might have sat upon or contaminated between the time she took off her diaper and the time I found her. 

Sometimes I take a moment to bask in the glory of my own existence when I'm down low, sniffing the carpets like a bloodhound.

College professor. Book author. Poop tracker. Look how far I've come.

I really need something that will tell her that she has to go.

I also need a self-cleaning carpet.

She's been waking up dry for awhile now, and definitely likes her privacy when she's getting the zoom-zoom-zoom out of her boom-boom-boom.

But every time I sit her on the potty seat, she makes fake pee sounds with her mouth and then runs away, at which point she usually goes and pees somewhere.

So I decided screw it and take one of those damn online scientific potty training readiness quizzes and figure out if I should actually make the effort, or just duct tape her diapers on and call it a night.

And wouldn't you know, I learned that she probably is ready for potty training.

And that she's also a smart ass.

Comments

[Vicky]

I cannot stop laughing over the fact that she makes pee sounds while sitting there. That is one of the funniest things I've heard this week.

[Heather]

My little one sits on the potty with her hand on her girl parts "just checking" to see if there is any pee. And then she gets a handful of it. Love that.

[Kelly]

Fun times. I would've let the toddler not be potty trained for months but daycare insisted she was ready - and they were mostly right - they go on the take them every 20 - 30 minutes method, wearing diaper in between... not as easy to do at home I found.

We found the best thing at Home Depot - its a toilet seat & lid that has a small seat inserted they can pulld own from the top - she much preferred that to a small potty of her own - and much easier cleanup for you.

[Secret Mom Thoughts]

I'm potty training my son now so I feel your pain. I'd promise the kid a car on his 16th birthday if he would just poop on the potty.

[Debi (Truthful Mommy)]

Too funny!I do feel your pain, I don't know how many times I have caught myself sniffing my babies ass in a public place trying to figure out if she pottied ( without realizing where I was) and thinking to myself..I got a masters for this!I guess its better than my husband, he'd actually stick two fingers down the back of the babies diaper! IDIOT! He only had a bachelors...I think that explains it!LOL He's since gotten his masters, so hopefully things will turn around for him and his fingers:)Happy Mothering!
http://motherhoodthetruth.blogspot.com

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Aw, thanks guys!

I'm not using pull-ups (oh heck no!). And really, it's the poopy diapers that bother me more. I can take pee diapers scattered around my house.

Issa - Drew was ridiculously easy to potty train. He started waking up dry at 2 y/o. Sat on the potty and went after that and then one day (actually at my SIL's wedding in a hotel) decided to poop in the potty and he was done! It was nuts.

He's only ever had like 2 accidents EVER!

[Issa]

Girls are easy. Am convinced of this. My guess? If she knows when she's wet, she's ready. If you aren't ready, well then wait. Snort. I'm helpful aren't I?

Kristen? When did you start with Drew? Can I wait till Kindergarten with Harrison is my real question.

[Tricia]

I didn't push my kid with the potty training. And wouldn't you know, when he was about 2 and 1/2, he just started doing it...all by himself. Now, it's not like I didn't make a potty available to him, and explain what he needed to do. But I was SO not one of those mothers that put him on the potty 9873454 times a day and watched him stare at me, while I stared at him, waiting to hear a plop or a stream of urine. I encouraged him if he sat on it, but I didn't PUT him on it. It's funny, I had a friend that put her kid on the pot every 15 minutes; he's now 4 and still shits his pants. Not that there's anything WRONG with that...

[Lauren]

You've successfully potty trained two children, so I'm sure you know all the tricks. But something that helped me with my one and only (so far) is a potty insert that goes on the big toilet. She strangely liked going in Mommy and Daddy's toilet WAY better than any singing, light-up potty that spits out stickers. We put the singing potty in the back of the SUV and now anytime she says she has to go, we pull over, and go in the singing potty on the side of the road. It works for us!

[Esther Crawford]

For some reason I thought potty training happened around 1 so at Jude's last check-up I asked about what I should do to potty train and she just laughed. Gah. Best of luck!!

[Susan]

Kristen you crack me up! No advice to offer on the potty business but I really enjoyed your writing on this one. Yes, mothering is a dignified profession!

[Vivacious_G]

Margot makes me laugh. Good luck with the potty training!

[candace]

Emma and Margot are the same age and we have been potty training for a couple of months now and it is going well. However, I let her go diaper free all the time and we have two potties set up in the house for her to use at her leisure. Of course I only have her (and one on the way) and so it is probably a little easier for me to clean up pee of the hardwood. She knows exactly when to pee and poo, asks to have a diaper when she isn't in the mood for using the potty, and tells me in public when she has gone and needs a change. All that said she still goes on the floor, the bed, the couch and in her diaper constantly. Diapers are so much easier!

[Susan @ Sassafrassery]

Sorry, but I think it's hysterical that she makes pee sounds with her mouth in attempts to pull one over on you.

[carrie]

My rather strong willed daughter wore the pull ups just like a diaper, not caring that she had gone potty in them. So I used the old fashioned padded potty-training underwear - you know, those white ones that we all wore back when we were little? Worked like a charm. She definitely hated the feeling of wet training pants, and in no time, she was using the potty. At the time, it felt like a true miracle.

[maryjo]

lose the pullups that was your first mistake go right to underwear so she can actually feel that she is going or better yet let her go naked from the waist down. Its summer after all

[Amelia Sprout]

I have this sneaking feeling that Margot is going to be a lot of trouble. I will say this, having daycare help figure out when she was ready and bear the brunt of the accidents, will be something I will miss should I ever have to potty train without them. Now I understand why my mom potty trained me at like 16 months.

[carosgram]

It's a week of hell for a lifetime diaper free - and they are so proud of themselves when they finally get it. Good luck!