Now I have to say that hugging a HAPA (which is the "correct" term, by the way, and stands for Holy Affordable Awesome Piece of Ass) happens a lot around my house.
Or as the Mominatrix would say - "hugging."
Being the daughter of a full Chinese woman and a European mixed man was never a big deal until I got into my teen years and it became the world's worst pick-up line ever.
"What are you?"
Your worst fucking nightmare, asshole.
And dear God if someone compares me to the Tilly sisters again.
Um, am I the one that starred as a distraught nun or the one with the really big boobs and annoying high pitched voice?
Oddly enough, I've found over the years that my Asian-ness is made more or less obvious by my hairstyle. And my amazing talent with chopsticks.
It's usually a toss up as to whether people can pick out me out, though interestingly enough is never the case for young children or psychiatric patients (seriously), who figure it out right away and then obsess about it.
But even I have trouble sometimes, particularly on the internet, where there happen to be a zillion Half Asians (like City Mama and Glennia from MOMocrats - two name two lovely ones), who you wouldn't necessarily know were HAPA until you saw them or stared at their picture for awhile.
So in case you're in the mood to give out some serious hugs today, or just want to stop using the "What are you" pick up line, here are my 10 easy, and completely stereootypical identifiers of HAPAs.
Simply look for these characteristics in white-ish looking people and you've probably got a HAPA on your hands:
1. Played a stringed instrument at some point in their lives.
2. Is particularly good at math - typically the very useless kind.
3. Has wicked knife skills but never went to chef school.
4. Cooks rice perfectly every time. In a pot.
5. Owns a rice cooker.
6. Uses chopsticks to do any of the following: eat rice with, cook with, stir powdered or mixed drinks with.
7. Gets the "you're one of us" eye, nod, and/or smile at any Asian eating establishment.
8. Can do a mean Asian American accent without using the words "Ching or Chong" and looking like a complete racist asshole.
9. Takes offense to the word "Oriental" unless it's being used to describe floor coverings or food.
10. Is fucking hot.
So, friends, go forth and find yourself a HAPA to hug today. That is after you've given me my love.
So much coolness people - my Mominatrix-inspired Father's Day Gift Guide should not be missed (or shared with all 300 of your closest friends. And my column The Sometimes Single Mom - are you one? I'd love to meet you - and head over to meet moms just like you.