FAQ about Baby Four

Q: So when are you due?

A: 10.10.10 (pretty cool, right?), but since I'm pretty consistently three days overdue, at least with my last two anyway, I'm guessing sometime in October. Margot was born 10.09.08, so I'm guessing she'll be hating me and her little sister for making her share yet another thing. Poor kid.

Q: So were you trying?

A: Yes. And no. And maybe.

Q: Oh, so that's why you stopped drinking, right?

A: Nope. I actually decided to lose the booze right after the holidays and it had nothing to do with me getting knocked up. Of course, I was perfectly fine without a drink but now I'm dying for a gigantic ice cold beer. Or 12. 

And I may or may not have indulged in a glass of wine on my birthday, which I will use as an excuse if an underground birthday karaoke video ever gets out.

Ahem.

Q: Okay wait. But I thought you hated your husband. And motherhood. Isn't that what this blog is about? I feel gipped!

A: Actually no. There are definitely many things I hate, like spanking (of children, anyway), Crocs, and kid leashes (or harnesses, as they're now being called), but I do not hate my husband or motherhood. Sure, I've gone through difficult times with both, but just because I write a post or 12 about how marriage is tough or how my husband can be a weird, cleaning freak, or being a mom is challenging and life-sucking doesn't mean I'm giving either up. It just means that sometimes I have really bad days, and I tend to write about those because they're way more entertaining.

Plus, he has a big penis and it's hard to hate someone with a gigantic dong.

[He made me write that].

[Okay, so he didn't make me write that but the ongoing joke between us is that he asks "Did you say I have a big penis?" whenever I say I wrote something about him].

[Now you're going to think that he doesn't have a big penis because he wants to say he has a big penis so I think I'll just stop writing about his penis now].

But really, I'm sorry you feel gipped. If you'd like a refund for your time, feel free to drop me an email and I'll see what I can do about that, right after I invent the self-changing diaper.

Q: Speaking of your husband, isn't he away a lot? How are you going to handle 4 kids?

A: Yeah, he certainly does travel a lot, and I'm often by myself (as you may have read and/or do read at my new Sometimes Single Mom column and on this blog almost every other post) so we're thinking of moving my in-laws down here with us to help.

Ha. Just kidding.

Q: So why did you wait this long to say anything?

A: You know, after having two miscarriages in a row, I've just become super cautious about saying anything. And then with the Mominatrix book tour, I figured I'd just try to keep things under wraps for awhile.

And then "awhile" turned into "many weeks" and finally my husband asked if we were just going to come home one day with a baby and surprise everyone.

So, I figured it was time.

Plus, I was kind of tired of my mother-in-law asking me if I was still exercising and running every time she saw me. 

Q: So are you disappointed that you're not having a boy?

A: No, not at all, but my son was. And it's incredibly heart wrenching to watch your three-year-old hang his head and pout, angrily blurting out "Boy" anytime you talk about the new baby. But then he got a piece of bubble gum on our way out and he's been fine ever since. He did, however, ask me to order up some boys from the kid truck.

I have no idea where he got that from but I'm just going with it. And I'm also buying stock in bubble gum, a loving gift from his new little sister for her big brother.

Q: Four kids! Are you crazy?

A: Yes. Absolutely. But at least I'm consistent in my insanity. It makes things easier for everyone. And really, it makes this blog much more interesting. 

Comments

[Alicia]

Four is great. And also shockingly more difficult than three. Going from two to three to me was a walk in the park. Kinda why we decided to have another, actually. And then FOUR. BAM, mothafucka!

Yeah, four is our last baby too. :)

[Joy]

Congratulations!

[VDog]

At least you make insanity look SO SO good. :P

[Cecilia]

I have 4 and wouldn't have it any other way. Congratulations Kristen!

[mommymae]

we have 3 girls & a boy. although i'm not looking forward to paying for the weddings, i cant wait to be the mother of the bride 3 times and blubber as my babies get married. congratulations!

[caramama]

I am absolutely thrilled for you and your family!

Also, you are making me lean even more towards wanting another baby (it would be our 3rd). Hubby is not on board (yet).

[Elizabeth]

Congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you! And a bit jealous. If I was a few years younger I wouldn't have had my tubes tied after baby #3 and I'd be on the "yes, no, maybe" plan too :)

hugs,

Elizabeth

[The New Girl]

So, any time you write anything about your husband's parts, I have to close my eyes and go 'LA LA LAAAAA LAAAA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU.'

omfg.

DUDE. You're going to have four kids.

FOUR.

AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! omfg.

[sandrine]

Congratulations to you and your husband! I can't wait to read about you and the 4 kids! Hope the pregrancy is smooth going and that your husband finds that now is good time to start seeing the world from your perspective.

[Jeannie]

So happy for you! I think that we might be at the 4 or over mark someday. At least if the huz has it his way.

[Kelly]

Your a brave woman!

[Amber]

You're so brave, congrats on number 4!

[Christina]

Congrats! 10-10-10 is a great due date - she's already planning her appearance on Dancing with the Stars.

And Margo will probably love her to death, if only because they can gang up on their big brother.

[Heather]

I found out a few weeks ago that I was having a boy and the look on my daughters face was priceless! She's 12 but it sounds like her reaction was about the same as your three year old's. The ultra sound tech told her she'd be the only princess this way. (I have a stepson also.) That didn't help her though. Congrats on the little one!

[emily]

Amazing, isn't it, that people can't just smile and say congratulations?

Welcome to the More Than Three Kids club. I swear,that's what it feels like! Another huge congratulations!

Also: I saw a woman who was easily 7 months pregnant going for a slow jog the other day. I thought she was adorable and I wanted to pinch her cheeks for it, but I also might have wanted to punch her a little because even at 7 months pregnant, she had awesome legs that I don't have NOT pregnant and being able to run 10 miles on any given day.

[Deb]

As a mom who just brought home #4 of 4 kids, I'm feelin' you all over on this one. In a non-dirty, owe-you-10-bucks kinda way.

It's pretty great, really. Am very, very content with my four. And terrified that my husband keeps on insisting that we need to have another boy. I'm 35, yo, and my abs aren't what they used to be...

[Susan @WhyMommy]

Congratulations! Yay!

[Issa]

I love this. Love that you did it. Laughing at all of the answers.

So...that video? When do we get to see it?

[Karen Chatters]

Damn, I'm so impressed that you kept this quiet for so long! 19 weeks, that's impressive. It helps to be in crazy good shape when you get pregnant in keeping off those pregnancy pounds. Although, that stopped working for me a couple of weeks ago...

I've always been able to tell that you hated being a mom and wife. You must just be punishing yourself for all eternity by having a 4th and staying married to a man with a huge schlong. Hate it.

[muskrat]

If you happen to be in Buckhead tonight with your 3.6 babies, I'll be at The Red Door co-hosting a karaoke party ... I mean, a business networking event. There won't be video cameras.

I think this FAQ post justifying a decision that's really no one's business is a great idea! Maybe I'll do the same to address all the google searches for "snuggie porn."

[KAM]

Congratulations! I love reading your tales of motherhood and can't wait to hear all about number 4! I am also somewhat envious as my husband says two is plenty (but I am still bargaining for three).

[Jennie]

Gosh, I'm kind of floored that anyone reading this blog would deduce that you "hate motherhood". That's nuts. I love your blog's honesty about how challenging it can be, but I never for a moment felt that you didn't love it! Anyway, just wanted to say that and also congratulations!!

[Nancy]

Congrats and best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and speedy delivery.

Personally, my philosophy is to never have more children than you have hands. With four, you and your hubby have it well covered.

[Julie @ The Mom Slant]

10.10.10 - I already knew she'd be a 10, but this just seals it.

[Keyona]

Geez I've been so busy having my baby I missed the big news! Congrats girl. You are no crazier than the rest of us. Plus October babies rock!

[Cecilia]

Congratulations!! Best wishes for an healthy pregnancy (what's left of it!) and a smooth delivery!

[mom101]

10-10 is a great day! We made a baby on that very day in 2004.

I also may or may not have aforementioned blackmail birthday karaoke video in question.

[Jaelithe]

Hey, the only questions I were gonna ask aren't on here! They were:

1.) Can you lend me some of your looking-awesome-while-pregnant superpowers if I ever get around to another kid?

and

2.) When do I get to hold her?

XOXO

[mayberry]

My two have birthdays one day apart and they like it. So maybe Margot and her little sister will too!

[B]

My husband is desperately hoping our #5 is on the way. I'm in the yes, no, maybe category. Maybe we'll keep this underwraps for a while like you! Heh.

[MommyNamedApril]

congratulations on the exciting news!!!

we're currently "Yes. And no. And maybe." on the trying thing or not trying not to try for #4 too :-)

[Kelly]

You didn't answer how this ties in to the positive pregnancy test at Christmas time... :)

[Boston Mamas]

Sweet - you're expecting another Libra. I'm a big fan! :-)

[Dirkey]

thats my due date as well :) Congrats!

[Adventures In Babywearing]

My husband always jokes that another baby WOULD be great for the blog. And I always say, after 3 kids, what's one more? You know me, I'd have 10 if wishes came true.

I'm thrilled for you. And just a teeny bit jealous. :)

steph

[Rachel]

Congrats! This seems offtopic, but ....

It's 'gypped' and it's racist. Comes from "gypsy" which is itself slang for an ethnic group. It's like writing "jewed" or "kyked."

[Michelle]

Good answers. I have a girlfriend with four girls, and she always says her four were easier for her than my two were for me. I'm not arguing with her, when you've got four you don't notice the extras, but if you have two, you definitely notice.