Wild nights

On any given night, our home resembles the inner workings of the nocturnal house at the zoo.

With the exception of Quinlan, who has thankfully outgrown her penchant for 2am crib parties and will actually sleep late (which, don't get all jealous because it's 8:00am if we're lucky and we need not go into how sad and pathetic you have become when you declare that 8:00am is actually late but, alas, we're parents and we're here to redefine word meanings), my two younger kids alternate late night visits or wake up calls at the most inconvenient of times.

Which, when you're soundly sleeping, is always.

Now my son likes to pop into our room around 2 or 3am and give us some ridiculous sob story about it being too dark (hello, bathroom light shining brightly like a mid-day sun) or he's feeling alone (with his sister sleeping in the bed less than a foot away) or he's cold (even under his huge heat producing comforter).

And then to avoid the tantrum that will surely ensue and wake up the entire neighborhood from telling him that he must return to his brightly lit, well-populated room all alone, or at least "until the light shines through your window if you want to watch your shows darnit" [note: that was the nice version] I walk him back, which has, on occasion led to me sleeping in a twin bed with my son laying across me horizontally.

On my extra lazy and less empathic nights, I'll offer him some sort of outrageous reward, like a box of donuts, his own lifesize bulldozer, or other such nonsense and he will return on his very own, with visions of glazed donuts and John Deere tractors dancing in his head.

So far, I owe him an entire Dunkin Donuts store and a collection of construction trucks. Thank God the kid can't add yet.

Now Margot, on the other hand, who has been weaned for a couple of months now, will generally sleep through the night, and then wake up up around 6am screaming her head off, which is about 45 minutes before everyone needs to wake up for school and requires a mad dash to shut the older kids' door and turn on their bathroom fan to cover the desperate cries so that they get that precious 45 minutes of sleep.

Of course, they usually hear me close the door or turn the fan on, and then they're wide awake but she's already fallen back asleep and I'm *this* close to losing my mind.

And meanwhile, even if I do fall back asleep, I'll get a whopping 30 minutes which means I'll be more tired than if I would be if I just stayed up and did something smart like make breakfast early and pack the school lunch at the last minute because who does it the night before? That would be, um, prepared and all.

But truly, the best part of all this is that, as you might have guessed, they only want me. Not Daddy, who they don't often see, and who is really quite fantastic at returning children to bed (isn't that in their job description?).

Nope. My son heads straight to my side of the bed marked "Sucker" or just stands at the door way begging for me, which wouldn't be so bad except when my husband budges to get him he starts yelling my name louder as if he's releasing my son's mute button when he gets up which really, my son has no mute button, so the volume goes from 25 to 47.

And even Margot's French-inspired and very cute "mah-MAW!" is not endearing, though she does get extra points for attempting to lure me in with an accent.

On many occasions, I have longed for a night where I can put them in bed and not see them until they come running in when the sun comes up. I mean seriously people, when will it ever end?

But then I figure that we'd probably be so worried that we would go in and check on them because OMG ARE THEY OKAY? and inevitably wake them up.

Oh the damn irony.

Comments

[Zoey @ Good Goog]

I have one 2 year old - sometimes she 'sleeps through' (transalation: wakes up with a bolt at 6am and demands that I do the same), and sometimes she comes into our room in the middle of the night which I'm cool with because not having to get out of bed is awesome and I'm as into cuddles as the next person.

My latest strategy to squeeze out extra sleep is to download puzzle games to the iPhone and that will keep her entertained in bed for another hour or so while I catch up on my precious sleep!

[Amanda]

I adore your blog. I always find something to identify with and it makes the parenting gig much less isolating to know someone else is going through it too. and if one other person is, or three people are based on comments, then I can safely assume many other people are and that I'm not a huge freak.

the one thing I repeatedly tell myself and my husband about our lat night visitors and too-early morning wake-ups is that this will be over soon. Our three came within 3 years each other, which means that they will all turn into sullen, cranky, spiteful teenagers at the same time.

So, I try and enjoy the little people that crawl into our bed at 2am for a cuddle and who wake me up at the crack of dawn (in Greenland) and just want me to hold them.

It does not always work. But, a lot of the time time I do remember how quickly this will all pass. And I slow myself down to enjoy holding onto them a little longer.

[Jill Sumstad]

OMG! I couldn't stop laughing!

[Vivacious_G]

You are a wonderful mother. That is all.

[caramama]

Oh, I hear ya! In our house, sleeping in late is considered 7 or 7:30! :-O

For the middle-of-the-night visits from our 3 yo, we just let her climb in bed and go to sleep with us. We've personally found it easier than trying to get her back into her bed and/or falling asleep with her in the little twin bed. But then, she's never been good about sleeping alone...

And this is all why my husband thinks I'm crazy for even considering having a third!

[Sunflower Valley Mom]

A friend just alerted me to this blog because she says it sounds like my house. I swear you are writing my life. LOVE IT!

[B]

When they all slept the first time, I woke up at 3AM in a panic that one of them was dead. When I nudged my husband (b/c who wants to find a dead body???) he said, "It's okay, they'll still be dead in the morning, and we'll have needed a good night's sleep."

For some reason that soothed me enough to get back to sleep.

[Kristy]

I totally relate! To all of it! And, yes, our jobs as parents is to "redefine word meanings" and accept that 8:00 is sleeping in. In my house, 7 am is sleeping in. And I DREAD the big boy bed for exactly the nightmare you are describing.

[Motherofbun]

You know, my son is almost 8. And he's even "lonely" when there's also TWO DOGS in the room with him. THen he pulls out the "since I don't have a brother or sister" card. Oh and then there's the "I had a bad dream" about clowns, computers, or what have you. Just saying... Oh hell, I don't know what I'm saying.

Oh what I'm saying is if you ever come to ST.L for a book tour you have a place to say and we've got plenty of boooze but yeah two dogs. (But possibly you'd get more sleep than at your own home.) Is that sad that you might get more sleep here. Or a bonus?

Seriously. Call me if you do a STL tour. It would pretty much be the only time our house will get clean for the year! heeehee,

[Kami]

Yeah, I'm so over the not sleeping. It's bad enough that my kids (2 & 4) "natural" wake up time is 6am exactly. But middle of the night cries for mama because the blanket fell off or someone NEEDS milk is. not. Cool.

[Julie]

Call me. Anytime between 3 and 6 works great.

[inannasstar]

Luckily, I've never had to deal with this garbage. My son goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up around 6am, every single G.D. day (weekends included). However, I'm a pretty big hardass and can't imagine getting up over and over again. I have to agree, tough love is going to be your only saving grace here if you're looking for some quality shut eye.

[AshAllman]

I have cried many times in the early morning hours begging for mercy and for just one night of solid sleep. Right now it's just one toddler, but I constantly worry what life will be like when I have a new baby nursing in the night and my little boy still waking up 1-2 times per night crying for mommy.

Every night before I go to bed I chant my mantra in my head: patience. empathy. patience. empathy. And by the time I fall asleep to that, my son is crying in his bedroom needing me. If daddy shows up instead, it's a full on screaming fit. So, even if my hubby and I alternate duties, I'm up anyway. Fun times.

[Stacia]

Lock your door. Seriously. If they really, really need you, they will find a way to let you know. Sleep, how precious it is!

[Karen (Submommy)]

Mine tag-team. One night is "practicing to be a place-kicker on Mommy's back" Boy Child, the next it's Perpetual-motion Girl Child.

We can't win. And we're both too weak at 3 am to get them back to their own beds. They know. And they seize the opportunity when you're down to wrestle control over your bed and your sleep.

Like last night. Yaawwwnnnn.

[Juli]

My mom told me that by the time they are all sleeping through the night, the oldest will start driving and you'll be up all night thinking about that. Thanks mom! ;)

[Kelly]

I feel your pain! We have the same situation in our house. Sometimes though on nights they do actually sleep through the night my stupid self is up playing on the computer or watching t.v. because I'm waiting for them to make the nightly wake-up call so I can go to sleep afterwards and hopefully get four hours or so of un-interupted sleep. HA! Like THAT ever happens!

[Bri]

I guess I am a bad mom because I have no problem letting my kiddos cry. Any little thing can wake them so isn't it important for them to fall back asleep on their own? Either way..your sleeping in your bed, I'm sleeping in mine! Just think when they are teenagers you will be begging them to get out of bed! HA.

[Maria]

Oh do I feel your pain. My "goes to sleep by himself, sleeps through the night" son was abducted by aliens and in his place (as of 3 weeks ago) is a child who would no longer sleep in his crib and will now not sleep in his new full-size bed. Hubby and I have alternated sleeping with him in our bed and sleeping alone in his. We hate it but keep saying to each other "It's just a phase." My ass - it feels like we'll be doing this up until the night before he leaves for college.

[amanda]

I have not mastered walking them back to bed. I wake up betwixt multiple cherubs with a grouchy sleeps-through-it-all husband halfway out of bed.

[Sandrine]

I don't think it ends. Not until you're so old you don't sleep at night anymore. Sorry.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

The good news is that my girls have outgrown most of this and (usually) stay in bed all night. My son though does this thing where he runs into my room in the middle of the night, leans over my head and whispers as loud as he can, "I'M SCARED!" and then runs out of the room. I, of course, wake up and stumble to find out what's wrong and then usually fall asleep next to him.

I recently learned that he does this b/c he can wake me up without waking up his (sterner) father. Friggin' smart kid.

But at least they all have full-sized beds so I can fit. I'm not sure if this makes me super smart for buying them or just a bigger pushover than I originally thought I was.

[Michelle]

The early teen years are good, they get up themselves and let me sleep :) But my 16yo girl has ALWAYS been a night bird, still awake at 11pm. I blame her dad during pregnancy. She would kick me, so he would poke her and she would kick back and...so on. All while I was trying to sleep!

Your unbroken sleep will come. And it's worth it!