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March 02, 2010

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I'll right away clutch your rss feed as I can not find your e-mail subscription hyperlink or newsletter service. Do you've any? Kindly let me know so that I may just subscribe. Thanks.

Why viewers still use to read news papers when in this technological globe all is existing on net?

This post made me realize that I haven't written my story, in 5 years of blogging I haven't found the right time to post it, if there ever could be a "right time".

You were kind to stop and comfort that woman for a moment, I bet she never forgets it.

Sometimes my brain just doesn't work ... in my last comment I stupidly posted the wrong link to my story ... sorry. Anyway, here's the correct link to my miscarriage story ...

http://incognitomom.wordpress.com/2008/04/12/humbled-and-helpless/

but really my story is not the point. The point is so many of us have been there and can relate to that woman's and your terrible days.

Your kindness will be remembered by that woman. Thank you for not turning a blind eye to her. I read your post at mamazine and I could relate to everything you wrote. I have had two miscarriages. I mourn those babies.

My story is here:
http://incognitomom.wordpress.com/2008/04/

My best friend and I were so excited because we got pregnant within days of each other and were so happy we'd be having our second children together. Her beautiful daughter, born two days before my due date, is a constant reminder of the baby I lost. (And I feel so guilty feeling that way.)

I've been so afraid to really try again. I long for another baby but I'll be 40 in less than a year. With my track record of infertility and miscarriages I'm not sure I'll get the chance to have another baby.

After I lost my babies I heard all the comments that were meant to make me feel better. They didn't. One of my aunts sent me a card in which she simply wrote, "Thinking of you. I love you." That card meant more to me than anything anyone else did.

Finley, my third, was one of two. The reveal was clumsy and insensitive at best. My guilt was massive. This mourning is nothing anyone wants to encourage or participate in, move on, better luck next time. Or, "Wasn't really a baby."

I'd wager that that companionship, even silent and awkward, was like a salve.

And the one good moment out of the whole day for her, will be the kind stranger who sat down with her for a moment and treated her like she mattered.

My moment happened at the private ultrasound clinic. I was sent for a routine u/s at 13 weeks, was so excited to be "meeting" my baby, only to find out the pregnancy had ended at 10 weeks with no clue to me at all. After the news I was sent out to the waiting room until a radiologist had a moment to speak with me. The waiting room was filled with pregnant women, many with large bellies. No one reached out to me but I remember a lot of sympathetic looks. I didn't break down until the technician came out to check on me, I asked for a picture of the fetus that was still there but would never be born. She said she couldn't do that for me. When the sobbing started the radiologist suddenly became available and then I was on my way. I know if I ever saw someone in that situation I would show them whatever compassion they needed.

Thank you for being there for her. Terrible days are horrible. I've had 3 miscarriages and a stillbirth. We finally have a healthy little girl, but still wonder if we'll ever "try" again. At work, some of us kind of know each other - not through the fact that we all work on the same research - but because we all know that we've lost a baby. Just having someone be there and acknowledge your pain helps.

It's been fifteen years since my last "miscarriage", all together I had five the doctors are sure about. I never told anyone and our two sons know nothing about the miscarriages. I hid all the details and we hadn't told anyone about each and every new attempt, for I had always known having babies would be terribly hard for me. (One of the reasons we started our family way before our friends.)

No one knows, how much it still hurts or how my heart aches inside when a casual comment such as "You should have some girls, you are so good with girls!" Or "Why did you stop with two boys?"

I wouldn't trade our two sons for anything and when I decided to simply stop trying at the ripe old age of thirty-five, my poor body wracked and ravaged by various treatments...well, I can't lie, it hurt. A lot. Yes, I am terribly happy with the two wonderful babies we did have and didn't mind all the trouble and work and worry and blood and tears it took to get them here.

It's just a strange form of loss, one I keep to myself and my husband, he never mentions them anymore at all. He couldn't stand what each and every miscarriage (none past fourteen weeks but still hard hard hard), did to me.

So, honey, I would have done the same thing...for I know my radar would have honed right in!

Take care,
Jae

I never thought I was going to have any babies, so when I got pregnant and lost her (yes, I very strongly believe the baby I lost was a girl) I believed that was just letting me know that I was right. My loss was not nearly as traumatic as yours or who-mumma's... in fact you could say that it didn't really affect me much at all until the anniversary a year later when I had a mini-breakdown. I suffered through stupid in-law comments also.

I now have three beautiful boys and thank God for them everyday.

I agree with everyone here too... what you did was amazing and she will remember you forever.

I haven't miscarried, but I did get an ultrasound diagnosis of a fatal birth defect. And found out we would lose our baby just after she was born. Only people who've been through it know that all we need is an "I'm sorry." And for someone to cry with us.

Even if she couldn't respond at the time, she will thank you in her heart forever.

Sometimes the people who seem to be trying desperately not to be noticed are the ones who most need us to notice them.

Heartbreaking post and I've had 5 of those "terrible days." I will never forget even one of them. It was so incredibly kind of you to show her compassion.

What a beautiful, yet heartbreaking post. For those of us who've been there we thank you for her.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

No words are ever good enough. She'll remember you, though, and your kindness, when she thinks of her baby.

I had my own terrible day too...

http://whoa-mumma.blogspot.com/2009/10/oh-well-here-goes.html

Good on you for reaching out to her, so few people do it nowadays.

Hi, I'm a new visitor, I have also had my own terrible day, currently 14 weeks pregnant with no 2 and all fine so far :0)
I too think you did a wonderful thing reaching out to her, no-one knows what to say or do and like you my in laws have never mentioned it at all.
Pol x

I can't believe no one else stopped to comfort her. I'm so glad you did. Someone who is hurting bad enough to do it publicly is begging for comfort.

Having had 3 miscarriages myself (in a row), I know all too well the avoidance people have for discussing miscarriage. No one knows what to say, what to do. Honestly, when I had mine, I really wanted no one to say anything. I suffered privately. I did, however, receive 2 cards from a moms who knew all too well what I was experiencing and just having them take the time to say "I'm sorry for your loss," meant so much.

I know you helped her and by speaking publicly about your pain and experience, you are helping others. I know that now. At the time when I was bottling it up inside myself, I didn't know that if I just talked about it, shared my fears (I'll never be able to have a baby), and my jealousies (Yes, Britney Spears was able to get pregnant when I couldn't) I would have healed so much faster.

You are right though. Those few who do say something often say the wrong thing. That's why it's important for those of us who have suffered to not hide it and stigmatize it. Instead we need to do what you just did, and share our experiences and comfort others who are suffering the way only another sufferer can.

Thank you for this.

-Abby

There really just aren't any words. So glad you were there.

Wow. So sad. How kind of you to stop and spend a moment with her.

You were nice to sit there with her. I would have too.

One of those things you never forget. You wish you could, but you can't.

What a wonderful thing you did. She won't forget it.

oh how heartbreaking, that poor woman. At least she had someone that sat next to her, someone that didn't just ignore her. I'm sure she is grateful for that

I had a scare with my own pregnancy, but have never had to live the horror of a terrible day. Thank you so much for reaching out to that stranger. I'm sure the little kindness you offered will stay with her forever.

It's a pregnant woman's biggest fear, isn't it. And it happens too often, for reasons we can't comprehend. It scares the shit out of me. I'm an old lady by some standards, I feel like I Mother Nature is against me. That the pregnancy over-ladies aren't smiling down on me. It shouldn't be so hard.

I'm glad you were there for that woman.

You are such an amazing person to reach out to her when everyone else just passed her by. Even though she may have seemed like she didn't need someone..she definitely did. I had several scares with my pregnancy 5 years ago and I can never forget the scared feeling that I had for the last half of my pregnancy.

It really pays to reach out, a perfect lesson, thanks.

I wish I had, had someone like you on my terrible day. As I sat at the lab sobbing, scared and people just stared. that woman will be forever grateful to you.

Oh, Kristen. I've been there too. It makes us able to reach out to others in the same situation because we have the ability to say, "I know."

It doesn't make it any easier.

So sad. You never forget that day. Three babies later, and I still relive that day often. I hope she found peace.

Thank you for being kind to her.

Didn't know you had to go through that yourself...sorry.
I felt bad not being happy when we were pregnant again a few months ago and then felt guilty again blogging about not being happy about being pregnant again, and then again when I wrote about not being happy about the gender. But hey, now we're sort of excited along with the fear.
Glad you were able to help her a little.

What a painfully beautiful post, this one and the one at mamazine. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

Steph

:(

*sigh*

Thank you, Kristen, for showing her compassion in that moment. We all thank you.

{huge hugs}

Heartbreaking.

So sad, truly. I had a mere scare with my second pregnancy, and that was enough. I can't imagine the hope and then the loss.

But can I also say how heartening it is to hear of people stopping to assist a person in need? When so many others just pass by? A moment of grace, surely, wrapped up in a moment of tragedy. I hope she'll be okay.

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