How Neiman Marcus screwed me in the ass

After getting the hairbrained idea that I'd run the Disney Princess Half Marathon with a few other Shredheads last Fall, I decided I'd schedule a book event on the same weekend.

Two Birds. Stones. You get the idea.

So back in November I called up my friend Barbara from Divine Tampa, a very cool mom events group in, you guessed it, Tampa, and asked what she thought might work.

She suggested doing something with Neiman Marcus, who often did fun evening mom-friendly parties, some of which her group had participated in, and with their Spring Fling coming up in March, maybe this was something cool.

So she reached out, sent her PR contact there my links, book, and all my info (read: I'm a mom who writes about SEX) and we waited.

And waited.

December, January, and oh, February rolls around and no word.

We both kindly nudge the PR person, asking only to be told "yes" or "no" in a timely manner so we can make our plans accordingly.

And so, with great enthusiasm, she finally called me back to discuss the event, which had shaped up into something very cool - Ben from Project Runway, a live band, and booze - what else could you ask for?

She asked me to tell her what my book was about (oy) and what I thought I'd do. I suppose I should have known that she apparently hadn't looked at my book or my sites when she asked if I should be in the kid's section of the store.

I suggested we do sexy mom makeovers in lingerie, keeping it tame and family friendly. They'd give away my book with a purchase, Divine Tampa would spread the word to their group, and all would be well.

But then the lovely and quite frankly awesome piece about the Mominatrix Book came out in the St. Petersburg Times, which did not necessarily cover the event (though it did mention I was appearing) but discussed post partum sex, the book itself, and some sexy tips from me.

The PR person emails me "please call me" on the Monday before the event, which is hilarious since neither I or Barbara couldn't get her to email or call me back for FOUR FREAKING MONTHS.

And so I do and she says "So.... bloggers."

"I'm sorry, what?" I said.

And thus came this long complaint about "bloggers" and how they "twist words" around and how "this is not the direction that we want to go with this event."

I asked here "What bloggers?" and she said she didn't know but was waiting for "the reports."

Nice.

Meanwhile, the only blog post that showed up with Google was mine though I later discovered a fun blog post from the above mentioned article's author which was, again, promoting my appearance. And I didn't see exactly how she or I twisted words or made it seem like I was going to be waving sex toys around Neiman Marcus.

And really, what PR person gets upset about really great press for an author coming to their store? But, she gave out the wrong RSVP email address for the event (that got published in the newspaper) so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised.

Needless to say, I offered her the chance to cancel, but said I needed to know as soon as possible so I could make other plans. I didn't hear from her, and went about my business, though packed books in my suitcase just in case because I had a sinking feeling something was going to go wrong, arriving in Tampa on Thursday and getting a mall makeover (nails and hair) before my event.

And that's when it all sort of fell apart.

I was moved to make-up to discuss my 5-minute face, and as I was reminded three or so times, I would not be talking about sex or my book. At all.

At an event to promote my book.

"Do not discuss lube, or sex pillows, or anything like that."

(Those were answers I gave to the reporter asking me questions; those had nothing to do with what I was going to be discussing at the event - all of which was clearly marked in the article).

They did not order my books. They did not have any signage to promote me.

I was basically there to sell their make-up.

The thought of leaving crossed my mind, and quite frankly, I would have left and headed straight to the Cheesecake Factory if it hadn't been that Barbara had helped organize this, and I didn't want it to reflect badly on her.

So, I wandered around the store in my very short sexy dress and no underwear, hoping to find people that I knew had taken the time to come out and see me. Unfortunately, there would have been no way for anyone who didn't know me but had come.

I did get to enjoy the company of my cousin (who I hadn't seen in 14 years), as well as Maria - Mommy Melee, Beth - Adjunct Mom, and Janet - The Caffienatrix - all of whom were super nice to come out and chill. I also got to enjoy the hospitality of the lovely Cecilia from Itty Bitty Lady Bug.

My apologies to others of you that might have been there and couldn't find me.

The weekend was not a complete bust, thanks to my whirlwind weekend tour of Disney World with my family (sans Margot, who got some quality time with my mom) and the race on Sunday.

It was amazing to connect with bloggers I read and admire, both at the event in Tampa as well as in Orlando.

And it was great to finally meet Bill from Daddy is Tired, who has been pushing me along in my weight loss journey since he started writing the Shredheads with me a year ago.

And as for Neiman Marcus - no hard feelings. I realize that the Mominatrix and her content isn't always for everyone. 

But I did learn a very good lesson. Apparently the same rules for PR professionals doing online outreach apply to ones who are working in the corporate setting.

Do your research. And don't be an idiot.

Comments

[BookWhirl]

The postings are very unique and also out standing performance with the new creativity

[BookWhirl]

You better do something about it. Screwed their ass too. Make it mild then! :D

[Nike Shox]

Though our dream is comfrondted using the actuality, you at all times sense agonizing. Just trample around the ache, or you may be beat down by it.

[Nike Shox TL3]

I'm right there with you. So sad about the end of summer. I found a single red leaf laying on the lawn this morning and wanted to cry! B is absolutely adorable and I love this bright fun page!!

[Nike Shox TL3]

I'm right there with you. So sad about the end of summer. I found a single red leaf laying on the lawn this morning and wanted to cry! B is absolutely adorable and I love this bright fun page!!

[BookWhirl]

At least you've already expressed your thoughts about what happened. This will surely affect their publicity.

[Deanna - The Unnatural Mother]

Lesson learned for us, all unfortunatly at your expense, with that being said - you certainly ROCKED that dress !!

[Rita Arens]

That. Sucks.

Book selling is hard, but that was ridiculous.

[toywithme]

How very impressive & classy of you to stick around. I am usually not opposed to ass screwing but this case is a definite exception.

[kimberly/tippytoes]

Wow, Neiman Marcus really sucked it dry. You are great for sticking around and trying to make it work.

[Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy]

Came by way of a Tweet from Cecily. Bloggers (of all niches, not just mom bloggers) are getting a really bad rap and reputation for being unprofessional yet this is what we're up against.

Totally agree with Liz above and giggle at the possible search results.

[Greg]

I got stuck at the no underwear part.

cold water, please.

[jaimes]

Wow. That's unfortunate. That comment about bloggers twisting words is pretty ironic coming from a PR person. This brings to mind the wise words of Rodney Dangerfield, "I get no respect!"

Thanks for sharing, Kristen. You're were brave to participate in that event and even more brave for sharing your experience.

[elz]

Another reason not to shop at Neiman Marcus. The other being ridiculous prices. Craptacular.

[Naomi]

Not exactly sure how they thought you were misinterpreting yourself... jerks.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Ugh, Neiman Marcus could've used an event as hip and cool as yours would've been. They are pathetic to have baited and switched your event on you like that.

[Frugal Vicki]

Okay, really, if Neiman Marcus is that hoity patoity I don't think I would fit in there very well. I would much prefer some lady without underwear (that part still cracks me up-oh my gosh totally excuse that pun)would help me get my post baby groove back than some stuffy chick squirting my eyeballs with perfume.

[jayme]

Wow! That is so unprofessional of them to do that to you.

[Keyona]

They suck ass. And that is all. Can't wait till you come to DC!

[Meagan Francis]

Oh my gosh...that is just so unforgivable, and so short-sighted on their part. If they didn't want to have you do the event, FINE, but they should have let you know way in advance, instead of jerking you around and then having you push their cosmetics for them (??? I don't understand what was in it for YOU?)

So sorry to read about this. Sometimes, book promotion can be so disheartening...when it's not humiliating. (only TWO people came to my first book signing, and that wasn't due to lack of effort on the bookstore's part, either.)

[Stacia]

At the very least, I hope you got your Cheesecake Factory fix!

[Sheri Gurock]

Stupid Neiman Marcus. I just got over a nearly 6-year-long personal boycott over some very bad treatment in the Boston store. I've recently graduated from total abstinence to only buying things that are on sale (a practical approach to Neiman Marcus even without a chip on my shoulder). In this case, they're the ones who missed out. Like Christine, I know how awesome your events can be...

[laura]

wow, what a clueless pr rep. seriously, seriously clueless. keep at it kristen, you're great.

[Jaelithe]

Hey Mom-101, you know Kristen knows people who could make that happen . . . ;)

Bloggers twisting words. Hmph. That's rich coming from a corporate PR rep.

Incidentally, I just searched Google for "Kristen Chase" and found plenty of information about how your Mominatrix book is all about sexy sexy sex in, like, two seconds.

Though really, one might think that the title of the book was self-explanatory.

[Boston Mamas]

Those f*ckers.

Having been to one of your very fabulous events and having seen the very fabulous response, Neiman Marcus clearly lost out.

[Sincerely, Jenni]

Wow, too bad there's no Neiman Marcus anywhere near me. I'd love to have the opportunity to purposely NOT shop there.

[Rocat]

Oh, and way to go on the Princess Half! You need to come back for the Expedition Everest Challenge in June. It is a blast!

[Chag]

That sucks.

Their loss.

[Rocat]

I didn't realize how badly they screwed you. I thought it was poorly promoted. I found out about your appearance at 3pm the day of the event and just wasn't able to arrange for sitter on such short notice. Now I wish more than ever that I had been able to make it to support you since I really didn't care about the fashion show and jewelry designer.

[Caroline at Morningside Mom]

Oh my God I am so disappointed! I was really trying to get there that night (am a Tampa mom blogger) but childcare just wasn't going to happen. Still though. I was so excited that a retailer here in Tampa had gotten it together enough to finally promote an amazing blogger and book. (Yes! Bloggers are real writers!) And now to read how they treated you? I'm disgusted and disappointed. And so so annoyed to hear about the perceived threat we apparently pose. And the credit you (and therefore bloggers in general) were not given. And the assumption that a safe mom blogger (who dare not mention unmentionables) might belong in the kids section, isn't that cute. Blech, not cool, am mortified and far from encouraged. I'm also even sorrier I wasn't there as one more person who had your back that night.

[Jill]

Wow! If you looked up #fail in the dictionary, this story would be in the listing. What a mess!

[Maria]

I got stuck on No Underwear hahaha. That's like a nightmare I have. Going commando in a dress sounds terrifying to me.

It was great to see you, and very cool to meet Barbara. I need to look her up and check out Divine.

Sorry they were so asstastic to you. Personally I think promoting a healthy sex life is far less scandalous than a fashion show.

[Meghan]

You looked hot, at the very least.

[Julie @ The Mom Slant]

Way to go, Neiman Marcus.

You had an opportunity to get some absolutely fabulous PR from one of those "bloggers", and yet you chose to screw her over out of concern for your image.

Well, how ya like your image now?

[Redneck Mommy]

You handled an abhorrent situation with more grace than I would have managed. Plus you look hotter than I do in an itty bitty sexy dress.

I'm rather thankful right now there is no Neiman Marcus in my part of Canada. ARGH.

[Jen14221]

If Neiman Marcus is so anti-sex, why do they have a giant red dildo on diplay behind your head?

[Adventures In Babywearing]

Oh gosh, you are being so classy about it all. That is so disappointing! Seeing Janet & Maria would be worth it for me, tho. :)

Steph

[Susan at Working Moms Against Guilt]

I thought your headline might have been an exaggeration. But nope. They really did screw you in the ass. Their loss!

[mom-101]

Wait, you met with bloggers?

Because...you know. Bloggers.

Next time Neiman Marcus anally penetrates you, I hope they'll at least buy you dinner first.

And also, I'm kind of liking that now "Neiman Marcus Tampa" will show up on SEO results next to "screwed me in the ass." There's some PR for you.