Work

I really shouldn't write a post right now, after spending the morning chasing after unavailable seats on oversold flights (some canceled, then uncanceled) and the rest of the day waiting for the practically non-existent snow to arrive.

Even worse was seeing opportunities where I could have made it home on Wednesday on flights I didn't think that I would have been able to get on.

So as the sparse snow settles, the clean up begins and I stare at negative numbers on a screen, I hear my daughter's sobs on the other end of the line because she misses me.

And I miss her too.

I only left Monday and the expectation of getting home early yesterday, back to the regular old but pleasantly familiar grind, has left me weepy. Nearly heartbroken.

But it's also given me a chance to take a step back and reevaluate my priorities. Lately, I've been wasting away more hours than necessary on completely unimportant things. Choosing to sit, plopped in front of a screen, or at least, with a computer near by, as my kids play alone or watch their favorite show.

And while some of my time is spent on actual work, there's other parts of it that could be better managed - between actual work and better, time with my children.

It's easier said than done when you're sitting and actively playing with another blogger's child, completely undistracted by piles of laundry, dishes in the sink, or whatever excuse I could come up with not to engage my own children. 

But I had to ask myself the tough question: Why am I not doing this with my own kids? What is so freaking important that I can't sit for even just 30 minutes and play with them?

Don't get me wrong. I sit and play countless games of "Go Fish" with Drew, and spend time making miles of craft projects with Quinlan. And I spend naps and bedtime nursing Margot.

These kids are not ignored.

But being without them, and better, without the distractions that I've allowed to interfere with my parenting, I realize that time is of the essence. Those moments are fleeting.

And I feel as though I'm missing out on some of them.

It's time to sit down and figure out what "work" really is. And what's not. It is the challenge of being a part of a new, undiscovered frontier.

But I need to do this before all I have are the memories of those moments, and no little ones around to make them with.

[Edited: I did eventually make it home yesterday, after 10 long hours at the airport. And today, school is canceled here in Atlanta due to "snow."].

Comments

[Rita Arens]

This is beautiful, just beautiful. I just stumbled it. I have that problem, too.

[julie @ Mommy Said What?]

2 things:

1. Engaging in social media when you're a blogger by profession is work. Sorry.

2. Don't beat yourself up. I have the same struggle daily. But you know what? All those 'little distractions,' like dishes, laundry, meals, etc. don't go away. They have to get done. I'm sure you play with your kids a lot more when you're house guests somewhere else, or when you're on vacation. The hard truth is that real life cannot be ignored. Just be grateful they've got each other to play with. And make the time you DO spend with them quality time.

[Small Town Alberta Mom]

Kristen, I found you when i was in the throes of PPD with my first, now 3, and I though I have never commented before I have to tell you what comfort (and often wonderful laughter) you have brought me these past years. Thank you Kristen, in a lot of ways your life stories have saved mine.

I work from home and struggle with the same thing you and many others who have commented do. I sit in the living room with face in the computer and the kids clamor for my attention. I feel like a terrible mother many days and like I am missing out on all thier little years and stories and smiles.

Does anyone have suggestions, how in the world can one person do all the cooking cleaning etc (the house stuff) and work an almost full time job, and do all the kids stuff, both the necessary feeding and bathing and changing etc. and the play and fun times? I am overwhelmed. I miss my kids and I am in the same house with them all day.

[Lindsay]

This is a great post.
The New Yorker had a great October cover where all of the kids were trick or treating illuminated by the lights from the houses and all of the parents were in the background looking at their iphones with their faces illuminated by their phones.
As my self imposed maternity leave begins, soon, I'm feeling like I can breath a bit easier.

[Mary Menkedick]

I have heard said many a time that we have few precious, striking, unforgettable moments in life where we feel in that moment that life is great, wonderful, amazing and "worth it". I try to remember that those moments for me are nearly always moments with my kids (whether alone with them or with them and other family or friends).
I remember last Summer when I had the kids outside. I was on my blackberry looking at work emails and Maria kept begging to push her little brother down the alley in our plastic car. I kept delaying until finally I turned off my email. We put Mario in the seat and strapped him in and she took off like a wild horse. I still remember Maria's huge radiant smile and Mario's raucous laughter as we rode down the alley, and the feeling that life could not get any better.
Thanks for the post!

[Stacia]

I hate to fly. I hate to fly during weather delays. I hate to fly during weather delays that keep me away from my family. But I do love the thinking time and the re-prioritizing it sometimes brings. Thanks for sharing this.

[Adventures In Babywearing]

Oh yes, this resonates. I had the opportunity to hear Kevin Carroll speak on "Play" last week at Blissdom and it made me want to get home to my kids right away and fix things, and so I am trying.

Steph

[amanda]

Nodding. I think we need to give ourselves boundaries and certain things that we can count on, routines. Then, just like when bedtimes plans run afoul, we need to forgive. Lovely post.

[Michelle]

I agree with alot of the comments here. I know I've been a stay at home mom and a full time working mom. It didn't matter what I was doing or how often I was home, I always felt/feel like I am just not giving enough to my kids. I try to leave work at work & just spend time with my babes every evening until they go to bed. THEN I start the laundry, dishes, ect. Its so hard to find the balance.

BTW, I've been lurking for a while. I'm right here in Atl. too! LOVE your blog. I swear you are reading my mind when I read some of your posts!

[Issa]

It snows in Atlanta? Learn something new every day. Glad you finally got home.

I think it's a constant struggle, the working/playing/having a bit of peace. Not sure that I have it worked out either. I have spent much more quality time with my kids lately, but it's easier to focus on them more now, since I only have them half the time...which I don't recommend. I just think if you make time for yours and try to avoid the computer during that time, then you're moving in the right direction. For what it's worth though? All kids need time to play alone too.

[Asianmommy]

Absence does make the heart grow fonder, doesn't it?

[Beth]

I think all mothers (and I hope fathers) struggle with this, don't be too hard on yourself. As you said, it is easier to engage with them when there aren't 50 million other things to get done. But those things need to get done and your job is to be their mother not their 24/7 entertainer. Doing things for you keeps you healthy which makes it easier to take care of them. Cherish the time you do have with them instead of worrying over whether it's enough time. Now, off to try to follow my own advice...

[Vicky]

I agree with you on this post and with Tiffany. I mean we are all saying the same thing. I waffle between working more and then giving up some work to be present more with the kids on a frequent basis.

This 'new frontier' is a hard balance but at least we see what we need to be doing.

Great post.

[Sandy]

i feel like i could have written this. i struggle with this same worry almost daily.

[Tiffany]

I find that I have to reevaluate this exact thing every few months. I pull away from the "work" and immerse myself in my children and home....but inevitably the lure of the laptop starts again. It's almost cyclic with me....I have to stay very aware of my time or I just get totally sucked in to the Internets.

[Amy]

I had this same epiphany while I was away for Blissdom and then in LA. I really, really missed my kids. And my husband, for that matter. I realized some of the same things that you have written about here. Let's both get down on the floor and play.

Enjoy your snow day.

[Stefani Tweedy]

Howdy :) I haven't introduced myself before but I love your blog... I just nominated you for an award on mine. Happy almost weekend!!

PS... the lemming post was awesome!! :)

www.derekandstefani.blogspot.com

[Angella]

I hear you on this, Kristen. I've had to cut back a lot on Internet stuff I deemed to be "work" since my outside-of-the-office time with them is so short.

I keep the "fun" stuff to my lunch breaks and when they're in bed (Like now).

Sorry you had the delay. I know that every time I go away, that day of travel home is nearly unbearable because I want to be home SO BADLY. My heart hurts for you. xoxo

[elz]

I think all mothers struggle with this, finding the balance. I hope it is a sign of a good mom b/c I worry about this all the time. Maybe voicing our doubts is the hardest part; admitting that we worry, that we wonder? Best wishes that you find a fast flight home!