I really shouldn't write a post right now, after spending the morning chasing after unavailable seats on oversold flights (some canceled, then uncanceled) and the rest of the day waiting for the practically non-existent snow to arrive.
Even worse was seeing opportunities where I could have made it home on Wednesday on flights I didn't think that I would have been able to get on.
So as the sparse snow settles, the clean up begins and I stare at negative numbers on a screen, I hear my daughter's sobs on the other end of the line because she misses me.
And I miss her too.
I only left Monday and the expectation of getting home early yesterday, back to the regular old but pleasantly familiar grind, has left me weepy. Nearly heartbroken.
But it's also given me a chance to take a step back and reevaluate my priorities. Lately, I've been wasting away more hours than necessary on completely unimportant things. Choosing to sit, plopped in front of a screen, or at least, with a computer near by, as my kids play alone or watch their favorite show.
And while some of my time is spent on actual work, there's other parts of it that could be better managed - between actual work and better, time with my children.
It's easier said than done when you're sitting and actively playing with another blogger's child, completely undistracted by piles of laundry, dishes in the sink, or whatever excuse I could come up with not to engage my own children.
But I had to ask myself the tough question: Why am I not doing this with my own kids? What is so freaking important that I can't sit for even just 30 minutes and play with them?
Don't get me wrong. I sit and play countless games of "Go Fish" with Drew, and spend time making miles of craft projects with Quinlan. And I spend naps and bedtime nursing Margot.
These kids are not ignored.
But being without them, and better, without the distractions that I've allowed to interfere with my parenting, I realize that time is of the essence. Those moments are fleeting.
And I feel as though I'm missing out on some of them.
It's time to sit down and figure out what "work" really is. And what's not. It is the challenge of being a part of a new, undiscovered frontier.
But I need to do this before all I have are the memories of those moments, and no little ones around to make them with.
[Edited: I did eventually make it home yesterday, after 10 long hours at the airport. And today, school is canceled here in Atlanta due to "snow."].