Empathy Time

You might be surprised to know that my husband has not been alone with all three of the kids for longer than an evening.

Well, with his job, and with mine, which rarely requires that I travel and if it does, I can generally bring along my little breastfeeding baby without an issue, it usually leaves him with only two out of three to handle on his own.

And even then, he somehow is able to schedule a visit from family or friends to give him an extra set of hands.

So with my sister and brother-in-law visiting through my return, my short trip to Boston sans kids was not going to be any different.

But then my BIL threw the temper tantrum and I was delayed a day, and well, all hell sort of broke loose.

Well "hell" that is my regular and now quite enjoyable existence, give or take the few, fleeting moments where I'd just as soon walk on hot coals.

Hell is relative, after all.

And even though I really wanted to be home, it was no consolation for my husband who was, for the first time, dealing with all three children completely alone.

Still, I tried to offer him my apologies, reminding myself how miserable I've sounded on the other end of the line when he calls to check in from the free happy hour in Vegas aka "work" and let him complain and gripe about the challenges I know all too well. I refrained from giving him any sort of "Yeah, that happens to me every time" type responses, with my eyes rolling back so forcefully that you can hear them on the phone, and reminding him that it was only just one day.

Plus, I left the guy three completely cooked meals, for God sakes.

But even so, when I returned, I listened to all the stories and gave him some well-deserved time alone, and that was the last I heard about it - until yesterday when I took the kids on our Valentine's Day cupcake delivery and a neighbor pulled me aside.

"Oh, so I have to tell you this," she said. "When you were gone, your dog got out and ended up in my house."

"Oh yeah, I heard about that," I replied, sort of chuckling at the thought of my husband chasing him up the street.

"And when your husband came in to get him, he looked pretty frazzled and said 'I don't know how she does it.'"

"WHAT?" I said. I certainly had not heard that part of the story - a very very important part of the story. It was like I had just won the lottery.

So yes, apparently my husband finally said what I've never once heard in our 6 years together. Those precious words that have the truly have the ability to change the course of a marriage and a co-parenting relationship.

Granted, he didn't say them to me. But the Valentine's Day flowers and romantic card he left for me before his trip said volumes.

I guess when I said "empathy time," I wasn't kidding.

Hell. Yeah.

Comments

[the weirdgirl]

I will never forget the day my husband said, "Staying home is way harder than going to work!" Of course, it wasn't directed at me and it, in fact, was referencing another guy we know who was considering being a stay at home dad but still. Acknowledgment!!

[WendyPinNJ]

Had the same thing happen to me. Wouldn't it be nice if they just said it TO US? What's up with that. Same crap with my dad. Never said he was proud to me, but apparently said it to other people. Unless he was lying to them!

[Kristi]

My husband deploys for 6 months at a time, leaving me with 3 small children, a sick cat, and a house on the market. Yet when I try to go grocery shopping alone, he freaks out if I'm gone more than 2 hours. Used to anyway, until a couple of other moms and I went away for a moms weekend right before a deployment. Just two night. I got home and the house was trashed and he has a sleeping toddler on his chest with a ready-to-burst diaper. He had dark circles under his eyes, yet I didn't hear one complaint or grievance from him. I recommend the mom's getaway weekend to all milspouse moms now.

[G]

:D

[Jasmine]

I have a friend who has a high maintance toddler. Her husband sometimes calls staying with his own kid "babysitting..." and I don't get that. I thought it was called fathering....oh well.

[Suebob]

My favorite Oprah ever was the episode where she made the "I don't know why my wife can't keep the house clean because she doesn't do anything all day" dad spend 3 days with the kids while Mom went to the spa.

It was brilliant. He was SO GRATEFUL when she came home.

I heard somewhere that back in the days when there was no artificial light and women all got their periods at once and went to the red tent, the men had 5 days they had to take care of the kids...could it be true? Nah.

[WarsawMommy]

Amazing how they 'get it' once we're gone.

My husband first 'got it' when I slept in one Saturday morning; he had the 2 boys alone for all of 3 hours, until I woke up at 8:00 (yeah, 'sleeping in' around here means NOT getting up at 5:00). Anyway, when I trailed downstairs, the living room was an obstacle course of toys, clothes, shoes and books, the kitchen counter was piled high with dishes and bottles and apple peels, peanut butter covered every possible surface, and my husband was going CRAZY at having to watch 'Teletubbies' for the 8th time that morning.

He saw me, ran over and hugged me and said, 'Thank God. Thank God. How do you do it? HOW?"

I smiled and as I went to make coffee, I looked out the window at the sunny blue sky and thought, "Today is a pretty great day."

[Lucy@DimiishingLucy]

I long, I yearn, I dream of the day when will hear those words. Direcrly or indirectly, I don't care...

[Heather]

so great to hear those words, even if they did have to come through someone else!

[Asianmommy]

Yay! That's nice to hear, even when it's heard through the grapevine.

[Megan]

I think I may do an Indian rain dance the day that happens...Farm Boy is the type that NEVER gets stressed about anything though so I don't see it happening for quite some time. At least not while we still only have our one little Q-Tip.

And no...I'm not Indian.

[julie @ Mommy Said What?]

OK. If you can manage to have a successful blog & book without your IL's knowledge, you can sneak in a trip to your BFF without them being any the wiser.

Or come here instead. ;)

[Katy Y]

YAY! From one mom to another, I'm glad you got your due, albeit behind your back. Maybe next time (and you will have one, oh yes!) he will be even more grateful and helpful. :)

[Motherhood Uncensored]

I'm off to Mom 2.0 - sans kids - and my husband has yet to book anyone, except our regular sitter for Friday, while I'm gone.

And yes, I am due for a trip up North. Though a trip to The New Girl's usually means a trip to my in-laws. You know they only live 10 minutes apart.

[Fay]

Yes, I'm stuck on the first line too, like I often get stuck on various lines about your husband. Time for some trips, woman! It is 2010, not 1950!

[emily]

excellent. :)

[The New Girl]

I want him to say them TO. YOU. lmao.

Although, I'm still pleasantly surprised that he said them OUT LOUD.

And also, BAHAHAHA Julie! Yes, do that, I say. YESSSSS.

[Lady M]

The perfect Valentine's gift - yeah!

[julie @ Mommy Said What?]

Okay. I'm still stuck on the first line. Why don't you get your ass on a plane and go visit The New Girl or something for a weekend?

Never been alone with the 3 kids...

[Sharon]

SO happy the neighbor told you that very important detail, it's so nice to hear! Even if he didn't tell you...baby steps right?
Happy <3 Day!

[Keyona]

Awe...so sweet. They hardly manage to tell us those things but knowing they feel it is good enough! :)

[Melissa]

Vindication is a beautiful thing.

[SaritaPagita]

Best. Valentine's. Gift. Evah!
Nice to be recognized for all of your hard work. Especially when there are normally no raises, reviews or promotions.

[Grace]

Don't you feel all warm and content inside knowing that he now has an inkling of what you go through on a daily basis? That is the BEST gift ever!

[Adventures In Babywearing]

Oh, what an awesome gift.

Steph