Bills, Bills, Bills

Late Sunday afternoon I couldn't get my Internet connection to work. I initially figured it was due to the crappy weather, which always tend to send our wussy cable for a loop.

"Oh god. It's drizzling. I can't function under these conditions."

But when it didn't come back on after a few hours, I started to get worried. And then when I realized that I was the only one in our neighborhood without a functioning Internet, I knew something was very wrong.

I instantly remembered the thick envelope that arrived from our Home Owner's Association, to which we pay a ridiculous amount of money every month for our cable/internet, phone, and other amenities.

Apparently, the HOA is there to ensure that some bozo down the street doesn't park a huge ass wheel-less trailer in their driveway.

But since no one in our neighborhood would probably do that, they find other things to send letters about - like our barely overgrown lawn, the neighbor's decorative rocks for which they DID NOT receive permission to use (who do they think they are with their decorative rocks?), or the questionable placement of a satellite television dish. 

So they're out there measuring lawns with a ruler or something and meanwhile there's a bunch of dead trees and dog shit everywhere.

Go figure.

When we first moved in, they sent us a letter stating that we had to do something about our fence - the fence that was part of our signing agreement for the freaking house.

So, when I get a letter from our HOA, I usually just ignore it.

But when I still didn't have internet and cable, I had a sinking feeling. And wouldn't you know, when I opened up the big fat letter, it was a friendly reminder that we were two months late with our payments (whoops) and that in seven days from the date of the letter, they'd be cutting off our cable, internet, and phone.

The letter was dated 11/17. The internet was shut of on 11/22.

Unless there is a new way to count, that's 5 days.

Of course, they shut it off on a Sunday, so even if I could figure out their ridiculously complicated online payment system, they wouldn't be able to turn it back on anyway. And well, if I don't have fucking internet so how am I supposed to make an online payment?

Apparently, even if you pay it on Monday and ask very nicely to have your internet turned back on, gently reminding them that the letter stated "7 days," they still can't seem to get it back on.

So in the mean time, I've caught up on laundry, finished my Thanksgiving shopping, and mastered Beatles Rock Band.

And had lots of sex.

HOA - Bringing couples together one late payment at a time.

Comments

[Lisa Rahman]

i love your writing.

[carl]

Nice blog.

The same happens to me every time it rains here my internet cuts off..

Regards

Carl.

[Angela]

Well there's one benefit of your HOA. They seem to have a lot of power. What if you didn't want a home phone? I couldn't live like that. Give me a purple house and a bathtub as a planter in the front yard any day.

[tuesday]

So THAT Is the upside of me being poor. More sex. Someone tell my libido!

[Kate at And Then I Was a Mom]

Ah, decorative rocks. I always wondered who bought those. I now know Those People live in your neighborhood. This has satisfied years of post-catalog-reading pondering.

Thank you.

[Kelly]

Usually you can tell when a big snow storm hit because 9+ or so months later the labor and delivery rooms are chuck full. So what will you be doing 9+ months or so from now hmm... ;)

[Issa]

Snort on that last part.

I find it weird that your HOA controls the Internet and Cable for everyone. Then again, I don't have one anymore, which I am eternally grateful for. I got bored with the letters stating that bikes can't be in the front yard. Hi, my children were RIDING THEM at the time.

[Bill]

Boston Mamas - you mean she'd find a way to be REproductive during the Internet blackout. Heh.

[julie@MommySaidWhat?]

I was wondering what the hell happened to you.

[Jaelithe]

Prescott, if my husband reads this, he WILL sabotage our wireless router.

[prescott]

Hmmm, I may just have to sabotage our wireless router...

[Asianmommy]

Oh no--how annoying! At least you got some other important things done. :)

[Amira @ Define "Mature"]

That's the only the good thing I've ever heard coming out of the HOA-lots of sex.

And I can not ait til turkey day, OH BUDDY, I LOVE ME SOME GOOD HOME COOKIN'.

Unless I don't feel like to cooking and we go out or something...

[Boston Mamas]

I knew you'd find a way to be productive during the Internet blackout.... :-)